If it’s hard to do that proves I’m stupid. Beliefs and personal development

In his article Changing Beliefs, Douglas Cartwright writes about “a biggie – changing toxic and unhealthy beliefs we may have about ourselves.”

He notes that in the book Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, “Avy Joseph talks about unhealthy beliefs often being constructed with terms such as ‘must, should’ and ‘have to’.

diploma “[Joseph] gives an example of a woman called Jane who wants to do a diploma. Her unhealthy belief was: “I must find the diploma easy. If I find it hard then I won’t cope and it will prove that I am stupid.”

Cartwright explains, “Avy says this is ‘rigid, inconsistent with reality, illogical and unhelpful’ because ‘there is no law of the universe that states Jane MUST find the diploma course easy.’

“He says that Jane could keep the desire for the diploma but accept the external reality that there is a chance she may not get it.”

This is, of course, not a matter of having or not having talent, but the beliefs we hold about our abilities.

Cartwright continues with an exercise to help reveal our limiting beliefs.

Achievement may also involve more inner-related beliefs about identity, as Morty Lefkoe describes in his article How I Discarded My Negative Beliefs.

He writes, “Because I had a bunch of negative self-esteem beliefs, such as I’m not good enough and I’m not important, I had based my self-esteem on never giving up. I thought forging ahead no matter what is what made me good enough and important.

“If the way people’s lives turn out is the result of their beliefs, I thought, what would show up in my life if I believed ‘What makes me good enough is overcoming obstacles’?

“Obstacles, of course! Not success, because that wouldn’t give me an opportunity to demonstrate that I’d never give up. I needed obstacles to prove that nothing could ever stop me, which would make me a worthwhile person.”