Maybe your idea of fun isn’t mine

Karaoke group

As introverts, we may not have the same values or interests in “fun” activities as those who are more extroverted.

That may be another reason highly sensitive people and introverts are less acknowledged, supported and even valued in our outgoing, sociable-oriented culture.

(Introversion and High Sensitivity are not the same trait, but they often go together.)

In her post “It’ll Be Fun!” and Other Extrovert Lies (on her blog The Introvert’s Corner), Sophia Dembling writes about how people may have widely differing ideas of happiness, enjoyment and fun.

Here are some excerpts:

“Some things extroverts insist we’ll enjoy. We don’t.

“As introverts in an extroverted world, we frequently must justify our reluctance to participate in activities that make extroverts giddy with delight. They can’t believe that things that make them tingle either leave us cold or fill us with horror. They assure us that really, if we just get over ourselves and try, we’ll have a grand time.

“One of my most extroverted Facebook friends (his busy, busy status lines exhaust me) once posted a gripey status line about audience members at a show who did not get up and dance at the end, as instructed: “…if you are dead inside and incapable of having fun, stay home. you’re ruining the impromptu dance party!” he wrote.

“Wow. I kept my mouth shut because I generally like this guy but … wow. Ruining it? How so? Did someone try to stop him from dancing? Dead inside? Isn’t that a little harsh? Can’t we just say different strokes for different folks?

“Introverts and extroverts have different ideas of fun, but some extroverts refuse to allow us our preference.

“It’ll be fun!” they insist, as they try to drag us bodily from our very comfortable seat in the corner to join them in some horrific activity such as:

“Karaoke: I don’t mind watching other people do it, but step up there myself? Uh-uh. That’s for extroverted exhibitionists.”

[See her post for more.]

Book: The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, by Sophia Dembling.

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So, if you are among those sort of extroverts, you should realize that we who are more introverted may not want or need to “get over ourselves” – our selves are just fine, thank you very much.

And we don’t need club dancing or other group play like karaoke to have fun.

Of course, some introverts can also enjoy activities such as those.

This is an image of Joss Stone at the 2005 Grammy Awards, singing a tribute to Janis Joplin.

Stone has created three top-selling albums and earned a  Grammy. In a magazine interview, she talked about being highly sensitive.

“I think I’m just very, very emotional. My mom used to call me her little empath. I just feel other people’s love and other people’s pain very, very easily.

From post: Singer Joss Stone on being a ‘little empath’

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For more on the trait, see my Highly Sensitive and Creative site – which has articles, books, programs and other resources.


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Originally posted 2013-02-26 22:09:45.


  1. NO NO NO…Karaoke is not for “extraverted exhibitionists”. In all my 55 years I have never met anyone more Introverted, nor one of a more highly sensitive nature. Karaoke is just one form of artistic expression for me. I don’t think of it as exhibitionism, I don’t think of it as an extraverted act, to sing, for me is very personal, it doesn’t matter if the audience likes it (that is why Karaoke is such a good outlet for me, there are worse singers, and better singers). I ALMOST can see extraverts doing it as a group activity, singing FOR their audience, but not me. I walk my own path, I sing it my own way, if you don’t like it take a bathroom break, get a drink, go outside and smoke, but just know, I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it for the love of music, the love of art. Just because I am an introvert doesn’t mean that I need to shut off music as an art form, I just see it differently than most people, and apparently I see it differently than other introverts.

    I would love to hear others ideas on this…

What do you think about these topics?