That I got through all that I got through to be where I am, it doesn’t make sense — this kind of lost soul studying law in Scotland and then moving to London with no experience as an actor, and with his morals not about him,
…who couldn’t keep his shit together, who couldn’t even feed himself properly, and to get ahead in a career like this, which is probably one of it not the most difficult professions to get ahead in —
…nothing else makes sense except to think that I was being guided and all this was meant to be, the same way you see the crooked smile as a blemish or imperfection, or being fired as a lawyer horrific, when those are the very things that end up helping you.
My thing now is to appreciate the cosmic beauty of everything that’s happened. But then again, do I spend a lot of time in my own head judging myself? Absolutely.
Have I ever thought I was a fraud? Maybe 18 hours a day. Do I spend more time damning myself than promoting myself? Absolutely.
In the last five years since coming out here, I’ve had two relationships. I’m not a big relationship guy. One of my vices is, I’m too wrapped up in myself and not always in a good way. It’s not like I walk around going, ‘Hey, I’m amazing; I’m Gerry Butler!’ But I am too caught up in my own shit, good and bad.
The whole banging-the-bottle-against-my-head thing that I did as a kid — it’s a metaphor for how I’ve loved to cause myself pain. I’ve spent a lot of time taking the path of most resistance instead of least.