Women & Talent

Janet Jackson: "I'm a chameleon: sexy and a tomboy...

2006-11-26T20:56:00.000-08:00

Janet Jackson, asked about her "seriousness" about her clothes, says in a new interview [Hollywood Life magazine, Nov/Dec 2006] "It just looked that way. It wasn't about pleasing myself. I was always too rushed and too willing to let someone tell me what to do."

She describes herself as "a chameleon. Part of me is sexy, part of me is very religious, part of me is a family girl, part of me is wild. I'm a tomboy in most things, but I'm girly sometimes, too. I like wearing men's suits and I like wearing high heels that defy gravity!"

[Jackson's biography has a pithy title: Too Many Miles Not Enough Love]

As a man [though perhaps many women also feel the same], I appreciate Jackson's exuberant sensuality and sexuality in her music performances, and elegant clothing.

But her willingness to let someone else define her looks [at least in the past] reminds me of Arianna Huffington's comments: "There are two areas where women have more fear: one is our looks and our bodies, and we invest an enormous amount of time there... And the other area is speaking out. Women are still terrified of speaking out."

Huffington's book is: On Becoming Fearless... in Love, Work, and Life

Jackson says she is "a tomboy in most things" -- In my article Gifted Women: Identity and Expression, I note that one aspect of identity related to giftedness is androgyny, a concept developed by Stanford University psychologist Sandra Bem.

She does not view femininity and masculinity as opposite poles of a single continuum, but rather as parallel sets of traits. A number of psychologists and others have commented that creative people and gifted women tend to be more androgynous.

Other gifted and talented "tomboys" include Katharine Hepburn, Marlene Dietrich, and Barbara Stanwyck [photo], who "often utilized her androgyny to create complex characters who challenged male authority and chafed under restrictive gender roles."

[From the article : Barbara Stanwyck: Warrior Woman in Hollywood's Gender Wars - by Torey L. King - see the page: androgyny / gender]

Barbara Stanwyck is part of the upcoming [Dec 2006] TCM Archives DVD: Forbidden Hollywood.

But Laura Kipnis, in her book The Female Thing: Dirt, Sex, Envy, Vulnerability, says that being a woman - and perhaps using more androgynous traits - may involve inner conflict.

"If the female condition seems especially perplexing at the moment," she writes, "the reason, it becomes evident, is that women are left straddling two rather incompatible positions. Feminism ('Don’t call me honey, dickhead') and femininity ('I just found the world’s best push-up bra!') are in a big catfight, nowhere more than within each individual female psyche.

"It has sometimes been argued that the conditions of femininity have been imposed by patriarchy. Feel free to tell the story this way around, if you prefer - that is, if you don’t mind reducing women to the status of passive receptacles as opposed to agents."

Regardless of our gender, being active agents of our own growth, and realizing our talents more fully, has both social and inner challenges.
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Salma Hayek: "Being short was considered a deformi...

2006-11-24T19:45:00.000-08:00

Much of the media attention on the topic concerns cosmetic surgery enhancements, but in a new Redbook magazine article, Salma Hayek recalls another kind of body image issue: the impact of being short.

"I am 5-2, and in Mexico it was very important to be tall. People used to say that the short thing was a deformity... I'd come home saying, Everybody teases me.' ... I was really upset about my height. One day, I said, 'Who decided that it's better to be tall? Why is it better? Am I less healthy? Am I less capable?'

"I realized it was a trick. Everybody tries to make you feel something, it becomes a standard, and it's based on nothing. And you know what? I've come to a place in my life where I am viewed as someone beautiful. I've accomplished things a lot of tall girls never accomplished. I have a confidence about myself that I see a lot of tall girls don't. So how meaningful is it, really, to be tall?

She is the national spokesperson for Avon's Speak Out Against Domestic Violence program, and has donated more than $75,000 to domestic violence shelters in her Mexican hometown, Coatzacoalcos, and its neighbor Monterrey.

"Body image and domestic violence are all of ours, these issues," says Hayek. "The limitations that are put upon us and that we put upon ourselves keep us from being all that we can be. I really think it's important that women have this kind of unity so we can support each other and love each other. Women are not in charge of the world. Why not? We are the majority of the world. If we got together we would be so powerful."

As another example of her concern for body image issues, Salma Hayek is an executive producer of the tv series "Ugly Betty."

Barbie & "generalized melancholy"

2006-11-15T20:27:00.000-08:00

In her celebritysatan.com post "Celebrity Concept As Barbie Doll" the author, Katie, brings up the potential emotional health consequences of our culture's untiring emphasis on the sort of blonde centerfold standard of beauty shown by... blonde centerfolds [such as Hugh Hefner's companions "The Girls Next Door"], and so often seen on tv, in films and magazines.

"As you know," she writes, "the whole trip with the Barbie phenomenon is a skinny blond girl with a ridiculously narrow waist, perfect button nose, eyes the color of the Mediterranean sea, full lips, flowing blond hair (Prell?) and big perfect boppers... some have argued that this is just the type of idealized (and largely unattainable... via natural means at least) image that has lead to a considerable amount of grief and general melancholy... we tend to forget what I have dubbed "generalized melancholy," but this is a concept that I’m trying to popularize in my new book... the idea of a generalized melancholy is a demeanor found persistent in most of ones waking moments... one doesn’t necessarily need to suffer from acute depression, anxiety, or a psychological malady/aberration such as an eating disorder to have a chronic minor glumness..."

There is, of course, nothing inherently wrong with the Barbie look, whether you have it naturally, or want to gain it through cosmetic enhancements. But it has become almost archetypal - so ubiquitously promoted in film and tv, magazine and billboard ads, it has become a kind of de facto standard of what women "should" look like in order to be "truly" beautiful and successful, especially in an entertainment related career.

So what do you really look like? And how do you feel about yourself and life if you can be ok with that look you naturally have?
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Related article: The Dark Side of Beauty, by Douglas Eby

Related pages:
body image
depression
depression: teen/young adult
identity
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"If Gloria Steinem has a problem, no wonder I do."...

2006-11-08T20:31:00.000-08:00

Marylou Kelly Streznewski - author of Gifted Grownups: The Mixed Blessings of Extraordinary Potential - says in our <interview>:

"The creative process is so mysterious, and the muse comes and goes when she will. And we as writers all know the process of sitting in front of the piece of paper and nothing is happening, or what is happening is dreck, and you don't really want to deal with it.

"When you combine that with the challenges women face, it can be very difficult. Women often choose to create relationships, and this often means there is a pull, whether it's two single people, or a marriage. I read an interview of Gloria Steinem , and she said she still suffers from what she called the 'women's malady': the whole idea of knowing so much more about what other people want and need than what you need.

"And she said that was really the impetus that sent her into the women's movement. I thought, if Gloria Steinem has a problem, no wonder I do," she adds with a laugh."

photo of Gloria Steinem by Joyce Tenneson from her book Wise Women
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Nora Isaacs: "As women, we take on too many projec...

2006-11-07T19:50:00.000-08:00

[Question: What's the single biggest cause of overdrive?]

Nora Isaacs: A lack of unstructured downtime. As women, we take on too many projects, believe we have to fill up every ounce of our time, and can't think of anything that we are willing to give up.

So we are doing everything, but many of us are not enjoying any of it! Even if you fill your time with fun things like going on a trip or socializing with friends, they take effort, planning, and energy.

We don't build in time for doing nothing. When we create space for "nothing," something invariably happens, whether it's creative ideas, connections with other people, deep rest, or spontaneous daydreaming.

But when we schedule every moment, we lose the opportunity for these things to arise. It's like that old bumpersticker, Magic Happens. But we have to let it.

Writer Nora Isaacs - from Mediabistro interview - photo from noraisaacs.com

Her first book is Women in Overdrive: Find Balance and Overcome Burnout at Any Age

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See articles on self-care by Linda Dessau and Jennifer Louden
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Jenna Fischer and J.K. Rowling on their childhood ...

2006-10-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

Jenna Fischer - who plays “knowing but downtrodden” receptionist Pam Beesly on tv series “The Office” - says, “I was never into boys and music and parties. I would sit at home and watch commercials and then write an essay on the subliminal messages that are keeping women down.”

She also enjoyed an early filmmaking experience: “I used to make stop-motion movies like ‘Barby Party Massacre.’ Poor Barby. She thought she’d escape, but she got run over by a Barbie camper in the end. Ken ran over her.” [Entertainment Weekly, Oct 20 2006]

A number of talented writers, actors and other artists talk about being different as children, having non-mainstream experiences and viewpoints, and how all that affects their adult creative work.

J.K. Rowling described herself in January, a literary magazine, as "short, squat, very thick National Health glasses -- free glasses that were like bottle bottoms -- that's why Harry wears glasses.

"I was shy. I was a mixture of insecurities and very bossy to my sister, but quite quiet with strangers. Very bookish. Terrible at school. That whole thing about Harry being able to fly so well is probably total wish fulfillment."

More quotes etc on page: early life
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Annette Bening: “Say what you think, ask for what ...

2006-10-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

[Life magazine: How did you rebel growing up?]

Annette Bening: I recommend rebellion - it’s healthy. But I didn’t really. I protected my parents a lot. One of the great things about being in my forties - so many women I know have said this - is you really do come into your own.

I spent a lot of time trying to please other people and have everybody get along. There are some ways in which that’s a virtue, and some it’s not.

You can’t really get your needs met if you’re constantly gauging what everybody else is going to be most appreciative of. Trying to find a way to do both is what one would hope for.

Say what you think, ask for what you want. As I’ve gotten older, I have a quicker access to that. I like that about myself now.

[Life mag., Oct 20, 2006]

Related pages:
courage / confidence
maturity
relationships
social reactions / interactions
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video: Arianna Huffington on her new book

2006-10-23T17:18:00.000-07:00

YouTube video: Arianna Huffington talks with Catherine Crier [Court TV] about her new book
"On Becoming Fearless."

Arianna Huffington - "Women have more fears in som...

2006-10-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

Charlie Rose: How do women and men differ in a consideration of fearlessness?

Arianna Huffington: Fear is universal; we all have fear. There are two areas where women have more fear: one is our looks and our bodies, and we invest an enormous amount of time there. And I think there is an obsession now, which you see in the extent of plastic surgery... And the other area is speaking out. Women are still terrified of speaking out, and I can understand that.

From book tour interview video on The Charlie Rose Show [posted on The Huffington Post]

Clinical anxiety disorders associated with fear affect more than 20 million Americans. Science has shown that fear is hardwired deep in our lizard brain. What differentiates us from one another are the situations that activate our individual alarms of danger. An armed burglar invading our home? A boyfriend not calling? An odd comment from a friend over lunch? An upcoming wedding toast you're expected to give? Starting a new job? Having to ask your boss for a raise? Saying good-bye to a bad relationship?

Fears - such as fear of snakes, heights, and closed spaces - are not biologically specific to gender, but some do tend to be more prevalent among women than men, including anuptaphobia: fear of staying single; arrhenphobia: fear of men; atelophobia: fear of imperfection; atychiphobia: fear of failure; cacophobia: fear of ugliness; eremophobia: fear of loneliness; gerascophobia: fear of growing old; glossophobia: fear of public speaking; katagelophobia: fear of ridicule; monophobia: fear of being alone; rhytiphobia: fear of getting wrinkles.

From her book: On Becoming Fearless... in Love, Work, and Life

related pages:
body image
fear
anxiety
anxiety articles
anxiety relief : products / programs

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Laura Dern: being an artist and parent

2006-09-14T12:59:00.000-07:00

“I don't know if I would have made the same choices if I hadn't grown up around the passion my parents had for playing authentic and deeply flawed characters.

"Their artistic passion existed, like another entity in the house. Now I get that I wouldn't be a full parent to my kids without it, any more than my parents would have been."

Laura Dern [LA Times July 16, 2006; her parents are Bruce Dern and Diane Ladd]

> related pages:
motherhood
parenting

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Courteney Cox on sensitivity, needing to be acknow...

2006-09-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

"I have, like, hyper-awareness. It's like a disease. I can't help it. I notice everything."
> related page: intensity / sensitivity
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“I came from a big family where everyone was talking and no one really listened, and I just need to be acknowledged.”
> related post on Inner Actor blog: Acceptance - rejection
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“I was starting to notice some things, and I wanted to stop judging myself so much. I’m such a nurturer of others, I thought maybe it was time to start nurturing myself.” [About starting therapy again.]

> related article Being Creative and Self-critical - by Douglas Eby
> related page: counseling / therapy
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Quotes of Courteney Cox from Marie Claire, August 2006; photo by James White

Courteney Cox on sensitivity, needing to be acknow...

2006-09-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

Dolly Parton: highly sensitive

2006-09-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

"I'm a very sensitive person. I hurt real easy and real deep, which is why I think I have to write songs, [and] why so many of them fit the feelings of so many people that can't write. It's because I feel everything to my core."

Dolly Parton

> related blog: Highly Sensitive People
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Drew Barrymore and Nancy Juvonen on their film com...

2006-09-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

Flower Films was founded in 1994 by Drew Barrymore and Nancy Juvonen, when Drew was 19. Their first production was Never Been Kissed (1999), followed by Charlie's Angels, and others.

In a Vogue magazine interview [Feb 2006], Barrymore commented, “I knew what our intentions were, but they had nothing to do with success.

"Doesn't matter how far or high I go; if I can keep working, that is the most profound amount of success I in my personal life can ever find...”

> continued on The Inner Entrepreneur

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Diane Von Furstenberg: “My relationship with mysel...

2006-10-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

According to the website, her DVF brand includes fashion, jewelry, cosmetics and fragrance sold in over 50 countries.

Diane Von Furstenberg admits she “never liked being a child. I always wanted to be a grown-up. I had in mind this sophisticated woman in her early thirties who could somehow handle it all and do everything."

She says, "Marriage is for some reason not true to who I am. The relationship that counts most in my life is the one I have with myself. Sometimes I just talk to myself, and it gets better and better as I get older. [At age 59, she is married to Barry Diller.] The other day, I was talking to Barry in the car and I said, I’m so glad I’m me.” [The New Yorker, quoted in The Week, Oct 13 2006]

Portrait from her book: Diane: A Signature Life

In her memoir Call Me Crazy, Anne Heche talks about one of the disruptive aspects of some relationships: “I love acting. Part of what happened [with Ellen DeGeneres] is that I stopped being many parts of me. This is a pattern in all of my relationships - to gain the trust and love of somebody, I would become what they wanted me to become. [With Ellen] I stopped doing acting roles because I thought, Well, this will prove that I'm worthy of love!”

Related Talent Development Resources pages :
relationships
self-esteem / self concept
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Jody Williams on ordinary people achieving the ext...

2006-10-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

Jody Williams is the founding coordinator of the International Campaign to Ban Landmines, which was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1997.

In her article When Ordinary People Achieve Extraordinary Things, Williams says, “For me, the difference between an ‘ordinary’ and an ‘extraordinary’ person is not the title that person might have, but what they do to make the world a better place for us all... When I was approached with the idea of trying to create a landmine campaign, we were just three people in a small office... The campaign is not just about landmines -- it's about the power of individuals to work with governments in a different way.”

She notes seeking “different solutions to our common problems” can be challenging: “I believe that these days, daring to voice your opinion, daring to find out information from a variety of sources, can be an act of courage. I know that holding such beliefs and speaking them publicly is not always easy or comfortable or popular, particularly in the post-9/11 world.”

But she has been willing to stand up for her passions, and says she believes that “life isn't a popularity contest. I really don't care what people say about me -- and believe me, they've said plenty. For me, it's about trying to do the right thing even when nobody else is looking... The only thing that changes this world is taking action.”

Her essay is from the book This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women

Related Talent Development Resources pages:
leadership
social activism
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Nicole Kidman is an exemplar of activism

2006-10-01T19:20:00.000-07:00

photo: Actress Nicole Kidman launches Cancer Research UK's breast cancer awareness campaign at Madame Tussauds in London on Sept. 29, 2006 (AP/Ian West, pa)

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Nicole Kidman is also a new U.N. goodwill ambassador for women:

“After a call from her mother about a BBC program on UNIFEM, Kidman contacted the executive director, Noeleen Heyzer, PhD, and offered to help.

“They plan to travel to Sudan, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Liberia, Afghanistan and Cambodia this year. 'I have a lot of friends who say to me: 'That's so bleak, why would you take that?' ... I do believe there is enormous possibility to change this world,' Kidman said."

continued on the page: social activism

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Kate Bosworth: gifted, talented.. eating disordere...

2006-09-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

Among many other actresses who have struggled with eating disorders are Scarlett Pomers ["Reba"], Felicity Huffman [“Desperate Housewives”], Jane Fonda and now possibly Kate Bosworth, according to recent pictures with her ribs all too visible [right], and multiple reports of her smoking rather than eating. Supposedly she even had to have her size 0 clothes taken in.

Some of the personal qualities that often accompany high ability and creative talent may encourage behavioral problems such as eating disorders.

Beverly Hills Psychologist Jenn Berman works with a number of celeb entertainment clients, and says in her article Child Performers and Eating Disorders that experts “have found that many of the personality traits which make children great athletes or performers are the very same characteristics which make them more susceptible to eating disorders; the most common being: perfectionism; the desire to please; the ability to ignore pain and exhaustion; obsessiveness and the burning desire to reach their goals.”

In the article Perfectly Skinny, Dr. Michael Strober, director of the Eating Disorders Program at UCLA School of Medicine, says "Perfectionism is present commonly in the backgrounds of persons with anorexia nervosa, suggesting its role as a predisposing personality trait."

Kate Bosworth has acted in a number of films [top photo from “Superman Returns”] but admitted in 2002 that she had “a hundred insecurities and a hundred fears. My greatest fear is living up to what I expect of myself... my standards are really high, so my fear is that I'll fail in my own eyes -- rather than in anyone else's.”

A Star magazine [starmagazine.com] story said, "Kate's been a perfectionist her whole life," a source says of the star, a skilled equestrian and straight-A student who deferred her entrance to Princeton. Sources say Kate began dwindling in 2003 while playing a drug addict in the drama Wonderland. "People told her she looked fabulous," says a source. "That's probably all she needed to get it into her head that skinnier equals prettier!"

Hopefully, Bosworth - and other women - can learn to let their natural beauty and talent shine, and not limit themselves with ideas of body image that are destructive, too skinny and anti-sexy.

Talent Development Resources pages:
eating disorders [page 1 of 3]
eating disorders resources articles books sites
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Relationships and being authentically yourself

2006-09-25T23:25:00.000-07:00

Hilary Swank, commenting about being single again, said she is “the happiest I've ever been.. not because I'm getting a divorce, because I'm living in truth now. My happiness has stemmed from being brutally honest with myself, facing the truth every single day, no matter how hard it is.

"It’s not happiness like I got the Christmas present I wanted. It’s that I’ve grown up; I’ve become a woman. I’ve spent a lot of my life running from my feelings. I’m not running from the truth now...

"I really want to get to know me. I’ve never really had that time; I went from living with my mom to living with Chad. Of course I have moments of feeling, I’m really lonely now. But I don’t want to fill that loneliness with something or someone. Living in truth finally is liberating. It makes me feel really connected to myself, really grounded. There’s a depth of happiness now, because of the honesty I have chosen to live by.” [Vanity Fair, Aug 2006; photograph by Patrick Demarchelier]

Salma Hayek once commented about the danger of losing yourself in a relationship, “We always think that you have to stand by your man, but women who do that usually end up sacrificing everything about themselves. Frida Kahlo stood by her man all the way, but she never stopped being who she was.”

> Related Talent Development Resources page: relationships
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Janet Jackson on her body image

2006-09-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

“I don’t see myself as a sexy person…. For a long time, I had a hard time finding things I liked about myself physically. I’d never look in the mirror…’cause I didn’t really like what I saw.

"One day I looked in the mirror because I wanted to find something that I liked about myself — and I started crying. I didn’t see anything.”

> Continued on the page body image
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Scarlett Johansson: “I don’t need to be skinny to ...

2006-09-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

In Scarlett Johansson’s new movie, struggling actress Elizabeth Short (aka The Black Dahlia, played by Mia Kirshner) is shown auditioning for role after role. Johansson says she has “a lot of friends who are very talented actors and musicians who struggle...

"Any time that you are involved in a field that's revolving around vanity of some sort with a high rate of failure, it can breed a desperation in people that doesn't always have a happy ending. I think that kind of ambition with no end can really make for a lot of nastiness... Especially being surrounded by a lot of artists who struggle and watching them struggle.. I feel very, very lucky.” [From an about.com interview]

For many women in film [and music, not to mention modeling] the “nastiness” can include pressures to be stick-skinny.

Johansson - and many of us men who appreciate feminine beauty [and she is a wonderful example] - thinks the really skinny look is “unsexy.”

Johansson says, “I try to stay fit and eat healthily, but I’m not anxious to starve myself and become unnaturally thin. I don’t find that look attractive on women and I don’t want to become part of that trend. It’s unhealthy and it puts too much pressure on women in general who are being fed this image of the ideal, which it is not.

“I think America has become obsessed with dieting... I also think that being ultra-thin is not sexy at all. Women shouldn’t be forced to conform to unrealistic and unhealthy body images that the media promote. I don’t need to be skinny to be sexy.” [from CelebSource.org]

Cameron Diaz once said in Vogue magazine that she always wanted to "be a fleshy, voluptuous woman... the kind that bursts out of her clothing, displaying her wealth of femininity."

Model Crystal Renn has commented in tv interviews she is much happier and saner now as a plus size model than when she was starving herself earlier in her career. She is reportedly 5'9, size 12, 38c-30-42 [pics] and works with fashion photographer Steven Meisel, and designers Jean-Paul Gaultier, Dolce & Gabbana and others.

> related Talent Development Resources pages:
eating disorders
body image

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Gaining a fuller relationship with power

2006-09-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

Working as a director in the 1950s, Ida Lupino commented,"You don't tell a man; you suggest to them.” Ally Acker writes in her bio, "The back of her director's chair read, 'Mother Of Us All...', a nom de plume that Ida Lupino solicited, encouraged and used fully to subversive advantage. It was her armor against a time when women needed to be sexless to be effective in a man's terrain.” [More in my article Women in Film : Identity and Power.]

While we - both men and women - may enjoy current female screen characters with potency and attitude who are far from sexless, such as Jennifer Garner in “Alias” and Meryl Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada,” Arianna Huffington [photo] says in her book "On Becoming Fearless" that in real life, women are “still required, first and foremost, to be sweet and adorable. A man who doesn’t toe the line is not only tolerated but even hailed as an appealing scamp or rogue, but an unconventional, self- assured woman is far more likely to be seen as a ball-busting bitch... who needs to drink more decaf.” [As Schwarzenegger told Huffington in a debate when they were running for governor in 2003.]

She notes, “Our culture still isn’t comfortable with powerful, visible, outspoken women. We equate power with maleness, manliness, dominance - even ruthlessness - all of which happen to be traits that women fear being identified with because we know we will be called ‘pushy,’ ‘shrill,’ and ‘strident.’ The epithets strike right at our femininity - as if the very notions of power and womanliness are mutually exclusive.”

“No wonder women are often afraid to stand up, take the lead, speak out. The result? A very uneasy relationship between women, power, and the traits necessary to be a leader.”

[From excerpt of her book posted on BlogHer]

Cheryl Richardson [author of the book Stand Up for Your Life] says “Real power is the spiritual energy that comes from living with integrity, from aligning your thoughts, words, and actions with the deepest part of who you are - your soul.” [More on my site page: Power.]

Former pro athlete, now author and columnist Mariah Burton Nelson noted in her speech "The Courage to Lead from the Heart" that she “decided (finally) that it's okay to talk about leadership, including my own. I gave myself permission... Though we may have been born leaders, we were not born into a society that welcomed female leaders. So we have to give ourselves permission to go ahead and lead." [From my article Women of Talent - Power and Leadership.]

But this self-permission to lead, to use power “out loud” can be a real challenge to our values, beliefs and comfort level - even for many of us of the male persuasion.

In his book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, T. Harv Eker talks about moving through our uncomfort zones to succeed: “Then you will have a new, expanded comfort zone, which means you will have become a ‘bigger’ person. The only time you are actually growing is when you are uncomfortable.”
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Arianna Huffington, Douglas Eby, women leaders, personal development, talent development

Taking a creative renewal break

2006-07-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

Fiona Apple took six years off from performing before releasing her latest album “Extraordinary Machine” last year.

She says, “I realized that after six years of not doing this kind of stuff, it doesn’t define who I am, and I’ll be just fine without it. It’s not a life-or-death-thing anymore, or at least it doesn’t feel that anymore. And I also think it is also getting a little bit more grown up. I’m more secure in who I am and I don’t need everybody’s approval as much (laughs)... As much!

[From article: Apple not so anxious - Singer more relaxed, secure back on tour. By Nekesa Mumbi Moody, Associated Press Jul. 12, 2006]

“I sat in my yard in Venice [Calif.] with a little knife and cut sticks,” says Fiona Apple, 28, about her six year break. “The stillness was exactly what I needed.” [Parade mag., July 9, 2006]
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Another form of creative renewal is a retreat, such as the Creativity Day Spas for women offered by Comfort Queen (Jennifer Louden)

Even a brief “time out” can be helpful. In her article Self-Care for Creative Artists, Linda Dessau suggests: “Today, just for five minutes, STOP. Stop and listen to what your inner muse might be trying to tell you (if it could just get your attention). This process will be easier and more effective if you consciously relax your mind and body first – a few deep breaths might be enough, or a few minutes listening to your favourite relaxing piece of music. If you have the time, try a progressive relaxation exercise...”

Or, create your own personal or group retreat using her book The Artist Retreat Day Guidebook, at her site Genuine Coaching Services.

> related Talent Development Resources pages:
meditation
stress / de-stress
stress resources articles books programs
workshops / retreats

Julia Cameron on her mental health challenges

2006-06-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

Excerpt from article: Agonizing success of 'Artist's Way' - The creator of the bestseller never divulged her extreme struggles - until now. By Gina Piccalo, Los Angeles Times June 23, 2006; photo by Spencer Weiner]

Julia Cameron spoke thoughtfully about a variety of subjects, including her own psychic abilities and the always-lurking mental illness she called a "time bomb."

"They have very effective medicine now, but there have been periods where I have felt as if I were coming apart and the medicine was the wall between me and ... " She left the sentence dangling, but added, "You're just hoping it will hold."

She had work to do and seminars to teach. And remarkably, it got done despite the breakdowns. The first big one came in the mid-1990s just as she became known as a recovery guru, after the end of her second marriage to Mark Bryan, her inspiration for writing "The Artist's Way."

"Cast as a 'spiritual teacher' and desperate for answers myself in the wake of the loss of Mark, I embarked on a series of ill-considered fasts," she writes of that time. "I went as long as a week or ten days without solid food. I went for very long walks praying with every footfall. Although I didn't see it at the time, mine was a punishing regimen."

This search eventually led her to London, where she began writing her first musical, this one about Merlin. Things soon started unraveling. [In London] police led her off to a mental hospital. She was diagnosed as manic depressive, which American doctors later said was wrong. Cameron still hasn't gotten a new diagnosis.

There were other episodes — "allergies" to electricity and walking barefoot in the desert in Taos and talking flowers and more fasts on Venice Beach — before Cameron found the right combination of medications and the stabilizing regimen to keep them at bay.

Today, Cameron and her assistant and collaborator, Emma Lively, share a Manhattan apartment, where they keep up an impressive pace. In their eight years working together, the two women have collaborated on three musicals, plus drafts of three more, plus two albums of children's music, all while Cameron taught weekly at the Open Center in Manhattan, traveled a few days every month to lecture, wrote a novel and her memoir, Floor Sample.

~ ~ ~

> related section: mental health

“Where was my self respect”

2006-05-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

“Just as she started to experience success in front of the camera [in the 1970s], Meredith Vieira found herself embroiled in an abusive relationship,” a new More magazine article reveals.

"My career was starting to take off, and he was a person that tried to take control," Vieira says. "He would slap me and then make up, saying, 'I'll never do this again,' crying. I pushed him emotionally, and he lashed back physically. It escalated to the point where he actually threw me out of the apartment naked. I sat out all night in the stairwell, and the next morning he let me in. And that's when I started to plan my departure. It took almost 12 months... But you wonder. I consider myself a pretty smart woman, and I got into this situation... It all worked out. I can look back and go, Where was my respect for myself?”

[from article: Meredith's View: Meredith Vieira on Her Career, Family, and Future, by Marilyn Johnson, MORE magazine, May 2006]

Teri Hatcher in revealing her sexual abuse recently, commented, "I don't think you have to be molested to be in pain as a woman, to feel like you don't deserve good things..."

Psychologist Ellen Langer says “self-respect is not contingent on success because there are always failures to contend with. Neither is it a result of comparing ourselves with others because there is always someone better.”

She adds that people with “self-respect are less prone to blame, guilt, regret, lies, secrets and stress.” [from article: Self-esteem vs. Self-respect]

Psychologist Nathaniel Branden in his book Honoring the Self: Self-Esteem and Personal Tranformation says that “how a person judges his or her self-esteem affects how that person operates at work, in love, in sex, in parenting, in every important aspect of existence - and how high he or she is likely to rise. The reputation you have with yourself - your self-esteem - is the single most important factor for a fulfilling life."

Also see his article Healthy Self-Esteem.

Jenna Avery, a “Life Coach for Sensitive Souls,” says in her article Understanding Empathy that it is a basic matter of loving yourself: “Seems simple to say that, doesn’t it?,” she writes. “But self-care and self-respect – along with the ability to protect yourself and the ability to say, “No thanks!” – come from a place of deep self-love. Aren’t you worth it? When you get down to it, aren’t you the most important person in your life? And you deserve to be loved by the most important person in your life!"

Sally Reis, PhD cautions that "Talented young women have to learn that to plan for themselves is essential and not a selfish act. Finding environments in which success is celebrated and individual differences are respected is crucial - so they can produce creative work and find personal happiness. If women do not recognize their potential, they usually will not fulfill it." [from her book: Work Left Undone: Choices and Compromises of Talented Women]

Psychologist Michele Carelse notes in her article Improving Your Self Esteem, “True self-esteem implies a realistic assessment of one's abilities and potentials... Many people who consult me have problems with self-esteem and low self-esteem often underlies problems in other areas such as business, relationships, and general achievement.”

Positive and healthy self-regard is, of course, not just an issue for women. Actor Pierce Brosnan [“James Bond”], for example, admits he knows "what it’s like to loathe oneself. To feel that deep self-loathing."

Fortunately, we can repair compromised self esteem, and gain a healthy appreciation of our value.

> related pages:
articles: self concept / self esteem
self-esteem / self concept resources sites books