When I'm creating or swinging or rocking are the only times I really sit still for a long time. But what was I like before I could dare these creative outlets? I lived in my head and whenever I was alone (which was as much as possible), I pawed and cried over my mirror reflection like a nutter, I chattered in constant characterisations from the TV, I tried to get lost in the sound of gravel or a pattern in wallpaper, the shifting patterns of lights, anything to not be present, chaotically present with impulses pulling me into fragments and emotions raging... and why, why is the question?