Have you ever heard the saying: “common sense isn’t that common”?

I was surfing some personal development blogs today when I came across one called “You know this stuff already!”.

And it’s true. Several thousand years ago, King Solomon, reputedly the wisest man who had ever lived, said “There is nothing new under the sun.” I presume he meant regarding human nature as he didn’t have a Porsche or a PC!

But if you are ‘into’ personal development you may find a bewildering array of techniques with increasing fancy names like the “the abundant mind-power cosmic manifestation secret playkit thingie” (my apologies if there actually IS something called that!). They all promise to access something ‘hidden’ about human nature.

It’s easy to forget that sometimes the basics of ‘common sense’ work just as well.

What do I mean?

Well, obviously common-sense may vary somewhat between cultures. My wife comes from Guyana and they eat fried banana, meat and gravy for breakfast. At first I thought this was rather unpleasant given my love of breakfast cereals but when you have to work a full day in the Guyanese sun rather than sitting in an air-conditioned office with regular tea-breaks – it makes common sense!

But let’s take making sales calls (in the West!). Some years ago I was desperate for a job and took one making 120 sales calls a day to teachers, people who were busy enough already without having me to bother them.

I’d never done this before so I took the advice of a telesales ‘guru’ called Stephen Schiffman who, amongst other things said: “Make the kind of calls you yourself would like to receive.”

I like people to be respectful of my time, ask me if it is convenient to speak, and also ask permission to ask me personal details.

So I made calls like that, stating that I truly believed it would be worth their while to give me a few minutes of their time.

Whilst I didn’t get the highest number of people who said a sales person could ring back (I was second), I actually got the highest number of people who actually picked up the phone when the salesperson rang back.

Why?

Because I used common sense that people like to be respected, and I was polite, whereas the top guy bamboozled and pressured people to speak with him.

So how can we apply this advice to making personal changes?

Let’s take a biggie – changing toxic and unhealthy beliefs we may have about ourselves.

In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Avy Joseph talks about unhealthy beliefs often being constructed with terms such as ‘must, should’ and ‘have to’.

He gives an example of a woman called Jane who wants to do a diploma. Her unhealthy belief was:

“I must find the diploma easy. If I find it hard then I won’t cope and it will prove that I am stupid.”

Avy says this is “rigid, inconsistent with reality, illogical and unhelpful” because “there is no law of the universe that states Jane MUST find the diploma course easy” (p99).

He tells us that a healthy belief is What you want + KEEPING IT REAL!

He says that Jane could keep the desire for the diploma but accept the external reality that there is a chance she may not get it.

I WANT to find the diploma course easy and not hard BUT I accept there is a chance I might find it hard.

AND:

If I find the diploma course hard then that would be difficult but it does not mean I would not cope. I might be challenged but I will learn to bear it and cope with it.

In other words Jane is now using a healthier view of reality- and common sense - that it may be hard and she may not get it but she can take the attitude that she will try as best she can to do the best she can.

Avy also gets Jane to write out a list of reasons why she wants to accomplish her goal, and what she will get if she stays with her current attitude. He encourages her to understand that change can, quite naturally be, uncomfortable but if you keep pressing through  you’ll make it. The feelings don’t HAVE to stop her from changing.

All of these things are common sense about human nature – experiences which are common knowledge to us all, but somehow we seem to have lost some of this knowledge. Why?

Perhaps sometimes we try to be too sophisticated. People haven’t really changed over the centuries so this is why great books like the bible still contain timeless wisdom. But our society is built upon the ‘upgrade’ mentality – that for something to be valuable it must be new and better than before. This is not always true!

Or perhaps generational wisdom is being lost through the fragmentation of families. Grandma really is right sometimes, and – shock – even your parents have learned something over their years. I am often telling my twelve-year-old daughter this, but who was heard to say to her little brother: “I don’t always think I’m right – I AM always right.”

Oh dear…did she learn that from me?

So the next time you have an important change to make say to yourself:

“If I were using the simplest explanation here, what would I do?”
“What seems to be common sense in this situation?”
“How would I like to be treated?”

Or ask your mum.

For you to do now

Think of a situation in which you are fearful, or not as resourceful as you’d like to be.

What are your un-resourceful beliefs?

What thoughts come into your mind when you think about doing that activity or talking to that person? Write them all down, no matter how ‘silly’ or irrational they may seem.

What is a healthier, more likely and more common sense view to have? Write out a paragraph if you need too.

Write out at least 10 reasons for taking on the new view.

Write out at least 10 reasons for what will happen if you keep the old view and nothing changes.

Mentally rehearse the new ‘view’, using a confident and assertive voice as if you already believe it. Eventually the new view will begin to habituate and you’ll start perceiving that way automatically

If you feel uncomfortable, read the reasons for taking on the new view to help you persevere.

Further Resources

There are a variety of belief-change processes available, varying in complexity.

If you’ve little or no experience changing beliefs I recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy by Avy Joseph which offers a jargon-free approach to changing beliefs and understanding why it feels uncomfortable to do so. The title is unfortunate because the book is not really about ‘therapy’ but offers a process that you can write down and think about.

If you’re more familiar with NLP you can find patterns on the internet or buy the NLP/NS User’s Toolkit from www.livingwords.net/products.html

This has six new and original NLP/Neurosemantics patterns for use by practitioners including “The Shopping Bag Belief Change Pattern”

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Douglas Cartwright helps people who feel ‘stuck’ get moving and start taking action. He’s a personal breakthrough and effectiveness coach, and an NLP Trainer.

You can read and hear the audio about the free ‘explore your breakthrough’ sessions at www.livingwords.net .

Please visit the site also for other articles and resources, and two free e-books on coaching.

personal growth development, personal development, life change, change your life, rapid life change