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Being gifted without the scores
By
Nora Brahim ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ I have 1000
things that i want to do and always want to do them, all at once and
then none of them. I find always a new thing. My parents tell me is
very bad. They dont understand why once i know how to do a thing i
leave it. I thought it wasnt normal until i did read the article on
your web site. Its ethereal. No
wind, no sun, no night, no coldness
nor warmness. I am simply there. And then...in the sides there is
crystal walls...and the life passes on...people stressed, on a rush,
like aggressive life style. But that cannot
reach me, i am always deep
on my mind. And i cannot reach them. I cant make real contact with
average people. Average mostly are just stressed,
work-home-work-home-kids-bank-credit-work-stress-worry, thats the
basis. But i am like in a
pause of that big movie, and thinking a lot.
This may sound like if i have some social maladjustment, but i dont
mean it in the way that i am isolated, but in a way that i am alone,
and in myself. I live inside
myself, my life is in me. And that, is the
huge huge struggle. People will never understand that, for a few
exceptions. They live outside. I have so many things to live inside of
me, constantly something, a new thing. Then...i live in a
lie, meaning
i cant tell who i am. For me being gifted is my nature. I am not
perfect and perfectness is not the key to solution. But for me...having
the opportunity that someone dont reject me when i tell them that i am
gifted, its like if i have been given another life inside me. Like
those "life packs" you get in the games as bonus, is the same thing
when i can talk about who am i really. Its like i can tell "hey! I got
wavy hair!". Its a nature and i am not trying to be superior. Thought
there are people who think that saying i have wavy hair is being
egocentrical LOL ;-) And i am
androgynous too, i dont have a femenine or masculine
pattern, so people dont understand that neither. And i dont understand
why there are ROLES of genders, because for me...we are both HUMANS. So
people dont know what to expect from me. Second obssesion
was astronomy. Went to
school at age of 5. I was very creative and learnt another language
which wasnt my native in 3 months. I had already an extensive
vocabulary compared to others at my class. Then i started at
age of 6,
question marriage, i remember that i wanted to have a boyfriend, to
know what was like. I was fighting with my parents the whole
day...until my dad told me to shut up. :-) And i did shut up. So those
boys disappeared, and that obssesion (that did last 1 year) disappeared
too. 2nd year school, and i had a new obssesion: Medical science. I
remember how happy i was to get a surgery at age of 7!!! I was freaking
happy...couldnt sleep the whole night before. Actually...the
doctor did
explain me all...which is unusual, normally they try explain in a "way"
for kids then the rest to parents, but i keeped asking questions so he
finally explained all. How the anaesthesia worked, how the drugs
worked, what it meant the blood test results and well...i had a great
time in the hospital. Then next year, age
8, i was still having same
obssesion: medical science. To the point that i was craving for
knowledge...that i did fake many symptoms...I would spend hours and
hours in the hospital, going around asking questions. At school i did
well...but, at age of 9, teachers became jealous that i did correct
them. Or...question them. At age of 10 i left school. Started working
with my dad with computers. We travelled a lot too...so i could ask
lost of questions to new people :-) (since i left
school, i did have
more hallucinations nor urinate in bed at night, which i was on
medication for anxiety, it seems i had extreme anxiety due to the
school, i was trying to act like a small while i was more mature than
them). Age 11, and i
started have new anxiety, this time because of
parents conflict. My mother didnt understand me. I felt like alienated
totally. I wanted to suicide or atleast try it several times. Fortunately my
parents never knew it. Got majors anxiety attacks. One
day i did realize i had to change. At 16 years i decided i had to
study. So i did pick up physical therapist course, got my diploma, then
went onto personal trainer and specialized in bodybuilding, got the
certificate. But...it wasnt
enough. So i tried archery, and yet wasnt
enough. I started painting, but blah, once i knew the stuff, it was
boring. Tried programming course, and also...it was boring, didnt fill
me. Last year, i was
fed up, wanted to know what was wrong with me, why
i felt like alienated, yet i knew i was much more intelligent than the
rest. My dad always told me i was above the average, and that my
intelligence was brilliant. But yet...it wasnt
enough. So i searched
and found about gifted people. I emailed a woman, she wasnt a
psychologist, she was a teacher of gifted kids, and a counselor, her
husband was gifted too. WE emailed each
other a lot, and since the
first email, she told me that i was gifted and there was no doubt. I
did read all what i found about a "profile" of gifted people, and i
absolutely fitted in. I was so happy to
finally know what was the thing
that kept me alienated. I asked her why IQ tests didnt score me. I was
retarded on IQ tests! Or not even on average. She said that for people
above 185 there was a special test, and was done once or twice in
spain. She wasnt sure of
the name, but she said it did happen with a
parent that she knew, her kid would score very low thought he had all
the characteristics of a gifted person. And once they did that test, he
scored 205. I dont really care
of the IQ tests...it doesnt say it all.
But anyway...now as i know my characteristics...i can tell if someone
else is gifted. An online friend that i know...which i have been
chatting with very long time, i started doubt that maybe she was
gifted...she never alienated me. And she did
understand what i told her
always, so i asked her yesterday, and she told me that in fact, she was
gifted. So...i dont know...i think i can tell if someone is gifted when
i feel i can conversate fully on MYSELF mood. Without feeling
guilty or
maybe feeling that i may hurt the person or she/he will think i am
selfish or egocentrical. With my sisters,
they simply know i am very intelligent,
but i doubt they know more than that. I mean...i am not just
intelligence...i am more than that...but...who cares? Thats a part that
hardly they will understand. My best friend
knows i am gifted...she
actually was the first person who ever told my mom that she was jealous
that i was so different and FREE. She said she would give it all to
know to do it all like me. Obviously she never
said that to me, she was
12-13 years then. Our relationship wasnt very strong, she had a
tremendous jealousy, now i think she still haves a little bit, but...we
are good friends. She told me she always knew i was special, and it
wasnt a surprise that i was gifted. I love to wear out
all possibilities,
because...there is not a THING without possibilities of another. Like,
you could say the blanket is white. But there can be possibilities to
be green or red. Even if in that
specific time, people just believe
white is the possibility. Like extreminating other gates. Anyway...i
cant really talk like this in public...because i tried it...and i was
considered mentally disturbed. Thats it...and...i
dont have a
motivation to write up theories or things like that because who will
listen? Do i write them to keep'em on my hard drive? :-) Right now i study at the open university, i guess the only universty who doesnt ask you high school degree which i dont have. And the only one who allows me an open degree, meaning i can study whatever i want, from a specific branch, and get a degree. I choosed sciences. And i study what i feel i want to know next...i am a scanner LOL. I cant stand routine. ~ ~ I can be in the
skin of
anyone. And feel it. Most of my conlusions or small researches i do
them in my imagination, because i can simulate a situation without the
need to have it in reality. And i am never
bored, because i have always
friends to conversate with. I can be an alien hunter, to a vampire, to
a writer, scientist, truck driver and whatever. Its supposed to be a
"kids" thing, but i did keep it. And believe me, its such a relief to
be able to talk to yourself, while imaginating someone be by your side,
like...its an escape door. I dont feel well so i talk to someone that
is comprehensive. Or i need motivation so i make myself up someone who
is motivated. ~ ~ Hey, i was thinking
about something....well not now but a while ago, as
a gifted person...i have to work like 10 times harder for at anyone
listen to me. Its like if i am unreal for the others, so...there must
be 10 times a work than a average intelligent type would have to do
once. To actually seem real. People, consider me
at least, a cyborg or
something alike. A computer. I have been told this many many times. And
scared a couple of persons too. So...I have to close my mouth :-(
articles Teens / Young Adults GT
Adults gifted/talented/high ability ~ ~ ~ |
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