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Coming "Out of the Closet" about Your Anxiety by Deanne Repich Keeping your anxiety a secret from others
can be a huge burden. I know, because I kept my anxiety a
secret day after day, year after year for fifteen years. Looking back, it's hard to believe.
The secret felt like a lead anchor dragging me down. It was so heavy I
could hardly move, both emotionally and physically. I was drowning emotionally. I
thought that if others found out my "secret," they would believe what I
believed about myself... that I was a worthless person who had no place
in this world. They would discover that I was faking it.
I was really not as intelligent, or nice, or all-together as I
appeared. They would discover that I was falling apart on the
inside. Once I decided to share the "secret" of
my anxiety with a safe, trusted person, guess what happened? My anxiety lessened. I started to feel
free. It was like a glass prison had been shattered. The anchor I had put around my own neck
lightened considerably and I realized that there was a light at the end
of the tunnel. There WAS a way to conquer anxiety and
gosh darn I was going to take back my life no matter what it
took! It was EMPOWERING. Anxiety makes you feel like you are alone
and not "good enough." These feelings naturally lead to silence.
Breaking the silence is a powerful way to challenge the negative
thoughts that perpetuate anxiety. By coming out of the closet with a
trusted person, you are saying to yourself that you ARE good
enough...you ARE normal...you ARE smart... you ARE capable, and much
more. I am not suggesting that you climb the
top of a mountain and announce to the entire world that you experience
anxiety. It's up to you to decide when and with whom you would like to
share. If and when you decide to share, don't
start this conversation when the TV is blaring, the kids are clamoring
for dinner, you're studying for a big exam, or you're rushing to
get ready for work. Choose a quiet, private time so that you
have the time and space to speak and the other person has the time and
attention to listen. When you
decide to "come out of the closet," here are a few tips to keep in
mind. Choose a "safe," trusted person who loves
you unconditionally. This person could be a parent, spouse, sibling, a
close relative, or a good friend. Expect that the person may not know how
to respond or may not respond the way you'd like, even though they want
to help you. It might help if you ask for what you
desire up front when you broach the topic, for example: "I have
something important to tell you about what I'm going through right now.
I don't expect you to understand or to "fix" this problem. I just ask
you to be here for me and keep that unconditional love coming my way as
I work through the recovery process. Some 'I love you's' and hugs would
be great!" Some people find it easier to tell a more
emotionally detached third party rather than a loved one, and that's OK
too. You might choose a psychologist,
minister, or counselor with whom to share. If you don't know of anyone with whom to
share, do an Internet search for an online anxiety support group and
break your silence there. Another alternative is to record yourself
talking about your anxiety. Then play the recording back and listen
compassionately, acting as your own safe person. "Coming out of the closet" about your
anxiety with a safe person can be an empowering step in the recovery
process! ~ ~ ~
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Deanne
Repich is the Founder of the National Institute of Anxiety and
Stress, Inc. An anxiety educator, teacher, and former anxiety
sufferer, she created the Conquer Your Anxiety Success Program, a
simple, action-oriented "how-to" course that has helped thousands
across the globe conquer their anxiety.