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Coping Through Awareness by Andrew S. Mahoney, M.S., L.P.C., L.M.F.T. Coping
for a highly gifted person requires knowing oneself and becoming more
aware of what is truly involved with being highly gifted. Coping is
also a process that should allow one to contend better with his
giftedness throughout life. Yet
coping poses many challenges and is not free of emotional strife or
tension. The goal in coping must not rob one from his nature, but
provide a means to explore and enhance the experience of being highly
gifted. There
are few models to make sense of the extreme nature and exceptional
experience in life for this special population. So life for the highly
gifted individual can be an arduous and seemingly impossible task. We
already know that meeting the educational needs of our highly gifted is
an extremely difficult task. So when we consider the social emotional
needs, the task of meeting those needs could be exponentially even
greater. It was
developed by the late Dr. Vince Sweeney, a pioneer in the field of
family therapy and transpersonal psychology. Although Dr. Sweeney was
not involved in the gifted field, he was aware of the unique social
emotional needs of highly gifted individuals and how their giftedness
was a variable to be considered in the transformation process of
growth. He
developed the model to provide a framework to understand the human
experience in a way that would neither minimize nor deny the depth or
uniqueness of that experience; but would provide a direction to begin
coping naturally with the existential nature of life.
AWARENESS Gifted
people experience awareness when they let down their defenses and feel
their feelings in regards to the intensity of being highly gifted. The
awareness of being gifted is not merely having the label of gifted
bestowed on them. It is
taking in the depth of feelings, intensities, behaviors and
sensitivities of their experience, having to contend with all of their
experience and uniqueness. Awareness
brings a depth of feeling and a relatedness with the self. Without
this awareness a gifted person can not fully cope with her giftedness
because she is somehow denying it from within. Awareness
will come through sharing the experience of being highly gifted with
self, others and particularly others who are highly gifted. Awareness
will come by letting feelings exist freely. Awareness
will come through appropriately challenging one's giftedness through
inquiry, rigor and discipline, therefore allowing the self to be
engaged in the process of growth. Awareness will not come through
denial of the pain, removal of challenge, or sedating the self through
work and addictions. "When
I am aware, I am free of denial." The experiences, feelings, behaviors
and sensitivities associated with being highly gifted are present and
not resisted. This openness can be difficult emotionally, but it frees
individuals to face themselves for who they truly are as gifted people.
It is
the experience that leads to understanding and acknowledgment of the
uniqueness of being highly gifted. When people protect the highly
gifted from experiencing their essence, either through rationalizing,
pushing for conformity or just plain ignoring the pain that may come
along with giftedness, the gifted individual slides farther from
awareness and the ability to cope. We
often think that being different and the pain associated with that
difference should be taken away. Unfortunately the removal of that
experience will deny the gifted person of the richness that awareness
can bring. Coping through awareness requires honesty, feeling,
experiencing and embracing the nature of being highly gifted. This
understanding can come only after a gifted person has awareness and has
experienced the giftedness that is unique to herself. When a gifted
person acknowledges that she has these feelings, aspects, uniqueness
and often extreme parts of herself, then she can formulate methods to
cope and grow in a manner that embraces her giftedness. This
is not a place where pain or intensity is nonexistent or where needs
are all met; it is the place to set the foundation for growth and
change. Acknowledgment comes when one stops fighting what awareness has
revealed about the nature of being gifted. The meaning behind life's
experience then flows clear and with purpose. Once a
gifted person cannot deny himself and his difference, he moves into a
position of appreciating both the angst and the heightened sense of
being that accompanies his gifts. By appreciating the gifts that are
his, and all that the gifts entail, he is equipped to share those gifts
with the world in an unselfish way, in a manner infused with "who I
am." Appreciation
is transcendence. It is the pinnacle for change and for the ability to
contend with giftedness. Regarding coping, appreciation is a resting
place. "When I reach a place of appreciation, I can revel in my
existence and gain new energy to move further in my development --
where coping becomes past tense. I have
moved beyond coping to a level where mastery of the self becomes
paramount and achievable." When a gifted person is in appreciation, he
no longer needs to deny or resist his essence. "When
I accept myself and the gifts that come along with me, I am free to be
and experience all of who I am." At
this stage the gifted person has fully embraced the uniqueness of being
highly gifted. "I feel it, I understand it, and I have a sense of
meaning and appreciation behind who I am." Each
time the gifted person goes through this transformational process, she
deepens her experience of self as gifted and copes with being highly
gifted. Once she reaches a level of acceptance, she has opened the
doorway to even greater awareness. Even
though Seth had no conscious awareness of this transformational
process, he experienced it naturally to cope and then eventually to
contend with himself as a highly gifted individual. He
felt lonely and strange. He then developed coping mechanisms to deny
his uniqueness and the pain he associated with it. Actively pursuing a
way out of his pain, he decided to fit in and get other children to
like him by conforming. He refused to face his giftedness and the
feelings that came with being gifted. He
feared rejection if others experienced him as different. His energy was
spent doing whatever he could to conform and not to appear different or
strange. Seth's denial of his nature went well into his adolescence. He was
having more trouble coping with life. The people Seth once tried so
hard to impress had now gone on to college and other pursuits. Seth was
left feeling more alone than ever before. He started to question his
loneliness and lack of purpose. The pain began to creep up on him and
he started to feel the feelings of betraying himself throughout his
youth. One
day he gave himself permission to not fight the feelings. So the
feelings came, and for several days, even weeks, he felt them. As the
feelings flowed freely into his awareness, he noticed this newfound
awareness was evolving into understanding, an acknowledgment. He
realized that somehow his denial of being gifted was involved with his
deep feelings of betrayal. For the first time, Seth felt he was going
to survive his pain, to cope with what it means to be a highly gifted
young man. The
more he acknowledged the feelings he had, the more insight and
understanding emerged. He now felt answers to his questions of why
things happened the way they did. Why he escaped the reality and pain
of being with his giftedness early on in life. Why he tried so hard to
fit in with his peers, betraying much of who he was during his
adolescence, ignoring his deeper feelings and denying his abilities. It was
this sense of deep appreciation of who he truly was that lead him to
cope and grow with less fear and more knowledge. As he returned to
challenge his giftedness, he then reached a level of acceptance.
Accepting who he is and has always been involves accepting being highly
gifted, and with this acceptance he no longer felt the need to betray
or deny his self. Published
here with kind permission of the author. For 20
plus
years, Mr. Mahoney has explored and developed frameworks for the
counseling and psychotherapy of Gifted and Talented individuals. His
work offers a new and original perspective for those interested in
better serving this unique population. He is also a professional pastel
artist. To view his online web porfolio, click here. related pages : intensity
/
sensitivity GT
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