~
~
|
A Dozen Key Lessons for Creative Dreamers by Suzanne Falter-Barns
Table of Contents page 1 [this page] Lesson One: The Hallmarks of Genius
~ ~ ~ 1 Lesson One: The Hallmarks of Genius Recently, I had the great fortune to spend the day at the Vermont recording studio of a jazz musician named Chuck Eller. Chuck recorded my new Discover Your Soul Purpose meditation CD, and offered to provide some background piano music as well. From the beginning, I knew the meditations needed some kind of scoring, but exactly what and how eluded me. There are no entries in the phone book for "Composer - Mystical, Healing, Background Stuff". Furthermore, I had no idea how I was going to 'direct' such a musician. ("More... creative. No! More ... uh ... uh ... inspiring?") The whole thing was loose enough to be almost frightening. Meanwhile, the clock was ticking and the meter was running. Enter Chuck.
From the moment he sat down to play, things rolled
He'd think for a minute, and then just start playing the most quintessential wildflower music you've ever heard. Then I'd say, "Now
this part
is warmer -- like The Waltons." And suddenly we'd be rocking
on
the front porch with John-boy and Grandpa. Chuck was able to play these
musical
inserts totally spontaneously (nothing was composed in advance.) The best part was listening to Chuck fool around on the piano between each recording we made, as he probed around for good musical ideas. We began to fade into the background as he went deeper and deeper into his creative trance. Almost sheepishly, he finally looked up and said, "You know, I could just do this all day." Working with Chuck got me thinking about how accessible his 'creative channel' was for him -- and how many people we call geniuses share this trait, along with some other distinct qualities. Just for fun, I thought I'd catalog some of those characteristics that belong to geniuses - qualities many of us share in varying degrees. (By the way,
these hallmarks can apply to geniuses across the
1. The Creative Channel is on all the time. They simply have
to tune in, and boom -- they're off in that wonderful, rich creative
place where inspiration lives. 2. They feel things deeply... and need to express it. I
notice this particularly around my friends who are actors... their
emotions run so freely and powerfully, that they feel everything twice
as intensely. Furthermore, they let you know it. 3. They have natural empathy. Geniuses tend to know how
you'd feel at any given moment, so they have a need to give away
their feelings. An interviewer once asked Broadway composer Steven
Sondheim if he could write a song about anything, and he replied, no --
but that he could write about anyone, as long as he knew who the
character is. 4. They find beauty in unlikely places the rest of us miss.
I'm thinking of the 19th century French artists Toulouse-Lautrec and
Monet who found enduring beauty in common haystacks and down at the
heels prostitutes. True geniuses love the bittersweet, the forgotten,
the simple. 5. They're not afraid to cry. The creative genius knows that
tears are the juice of life, whether they are tears of happiness,
despair or simply deep relating. 6. They're different and often pay a price for it. Creative
geniuses often have childhoods marked with ridicule or isolation. And
those tough times can continue right on through adulthood, though
modern times have made such non-conformity more acceptable. I'm
thinking of people like Oscar Wilde, Frida Khalo, Orson Welles, Michael
Jackson, Robert Mapplethorpe, and Andy Warhol. 7. They are brave. Many a genius is trained by social
ostracism to be brave and strong in standing up for their work. They
know their work is valid despite what the crowd says, and they stick by
it steadfastly. And public opinions can sway, often long after the
artist's death. Think of Vincent Van Gogh, who only sold two paintings
in his entire lifetime. 8. They are prolific. Typically, creative geniuses are
always creating. It's simply what they do. Cole Porter, for instance,
wrote more than 800 songs. And he wrote them wherever he went: on
luxury cruise decks, or weekend jaunts to the country. Porter, who was
notoriously stoic, said he finished one of his songs while waiting for
rescue, after his legs had been crushed by a horse. 9. They simply can't do a half-baked job. Look at all the
geniuses of the world, like Michelangelo, who literally changed the
world because they refused to settle for less. In fact, Michelangelo
was famous for literally eating and sleeping with his work, yet never
being completely satisfied. About his work in the Sistine Chapel, he
said; "I am no painter!" 10. They love their work deeply. For this example, I turn to
my own father, John Falter, who was an artist. A friend asked once what
he'd do if he could do absolutely anything in the world. He replied,
"I'd go up to my studio and paint." For some artists, this love is the big one. Michelangelo,
who never married, said: "I already have a wife who is too much for me;
one who keeps me unceasingly struggling on. It is my art, and my works
are my children." ~ ~ ~ Lesson Two: How Sex and
Creativity Connect This summer while working on various performance projects, I
got some interesting new insights into the creative process.
Specifically, I learned that it really is all about sex. It's like Deepak Chopra said in a lecture I attended years
ago: "Creativity is ultimately sexual - I'm sorry -- but it is!" I couldn't agree more. I'd always had this sense that
self-expression, passion and the stirrings of your soul were
intertwined. But it wasn't until I spent a few months involved in
Chicago, a show that was all about the bump and grind, that I really
began to see the deep connection. When I am performing or writing, and things are really going
well, I find myself slipping into a wonderful, surging sea of release.
The pure stream of expression coming out of me is so unscripted, free
and authentic, that I could stay right there for hours, doing only
that. I feel brilliant and strong, and wonderfully alive - as if I'm
just exactly what I should be. And, of course, the same is true about sex. Communication
happens at high, peak levels. It's all perfectly sacred and profound,
yet - at the same time - the most normal thing in the world. I am happy
and complete. Here are some interesting parallels I've found between sex
and creativity: 1. It's all about surrender. The more you can get out of
your head, and simply let go, the further into your process you will
go. And the grander the result will be. 2. The real communication is entirely beyond words. When an
actor gets up to deliver a monologue, or a poet composes a sonnet, the
words take you only half the way there. The rest happens between the
lines, in the emotional truth with which it's delivered. Same with sex.
And without that emotional truth... well, it's all a lot of
hooey. 3. The spiritual usually comes into play. My belief is that
all of this gets handed to us on that big Universal platter. And your
choice is to accept or decline. So truly authentic creative or sexual
endeavors can't help having a mystical or divine underlayer. 4. You can't do it unless you really, truly want to. OK,
sure. You can fake your way into bed with a relative stranger, or
stumble along writing a book you don't care about. But you're not going
to sustain it. The sex will be cheap and easy; the manuscript will
sputter and die. Why? Because you don't really, truly want to be
there. 5. Both require bravery. Deep connections make us passionate
lovers, and fearless communicators. We act from our most vulnerable
spot; the little piece of ourselves that's most hidden and protected,
yet full of the greatest power and truth. 6. Lust makes you stupid. But love makes you wise. I saw
this little quote on a therapist's bulletin board, and it is so very
true. When it comes to creating, the lust for glory and fame makes us
do silly, inauthentic things we later regret. It's the same with lust for inappropriate people. On the
other hand, when we get it right - boy, is it right! Authentic
relationships and creative endeavors are fine, powerful teachers who
leave us much wiser, and much stronger. 7. You're not going to be satisfied until it's over. Not
pursuing that book, or business, or creative project that keeps bugging
you is like walking away from sex mid-act. Beginning may be awkward; you may feel shy and
vulnerable. But once you get going, the passion to continue
takes hold and you simply cannot stop until you are complete. (On the
other hand, you can walk away easily from half-baked acts of love or
creative projects. That's how you know when it's the real thing.)
8. The more you give, the more you get. You're not going to
have a knock-out painting exhibition if you hold back with the brush.
Nor are you going to get Lover of the Year if you lay back and simply
wait to receive. Both require energy and the desire to give. 9.
Both make you feel much more alive. Enough said. 10. At their best, both are all wrapped up with love. Both
sex and creating require the generous, uninhibited sharing of your
heart. And the more you can open your heart and let the floodgates open
on your soul, the more profound will be your experience. And your
impact. ~ ~ ~ Lesson Three: How (and Why)
to Be Patient Today's essay is all about waiting patiently. Before you
roll your eyes, stifle a yawn, and keep on scrolling, hear me out...
for there really is a marvelous benefit to all that patience. Namely, you get to live your dream. We all know that
dreams take time to develop and fulfill. You may find yourself waiting
for years for something that may or may not ever even happen. That's just the way it is when it comes to dream pursuit -
and it isn't always easy. Perhaps you recently flung yourself
down on your bed, sobbing, because the fortieth rejection of your novel
arrived. Or you might have decided to live on your credit card for
six months while you try to get a break as an actor, and now creditors
are calling. You could even be the person who just can't
stay awake long enough at night to get your new business plan
written... so you're convinced your dream just plain won't ever
happen. Yet, I am here to say it will. AS LONG AS you are supremely
patient, and remember these few basic truths about successful dream
pursuit. 1. You must grow into your dream. Believe it or not, just
because you have the dream and are busily pursuing it, doesn't mean
you're capable of living it yet. That only happens when you've
become comfy enough with your personal power to fully inhabit your
dream, and do what it requires. The sometimes slow process of fulfilling your dream actually
trains you to do hard things, like handle rejection, take risks, become
more intimate with others, and use your full creative powers.
Meanwhile, the Universe will kindly protect you from receiving all that
good stuff until you are ready. 2. Stop being patient and have fun, instead. This is the
only real reason there is to pursue your dream. Because the work feels
guided, somehow, and personally validating; because it feels as if this
is what you were born to do. And so, such work becomes one of the most fun and compelling
things in your life. Concentrate on doing what your gut tells you
to do, and dig into the process with relish. That takes your mind off
the calendar, and then your work no longer feels so pressured. 3. Drop your expectations. Life is only really fulfilling
when we let it surprise us. And dreams can do so wonderfully well. Yet,
in order to be surprised, you have to let go of the clenched urge to
know just how things are going to turn out. You have to give up control; you cannot, nor will you ever,
be able to predict results. Heavy expectations usually leave you
disappointed, not to mention creatively constipated. 4. Keep the faith - and stay open. And yet - sometimes bad
results happen. Still, those can take you in unexpected directions that
yield even greater rewards. Remember the story of Michelangelo's first job as an
architect, on the façade of San Lorenzo (he got fired!) This
brief setback actually led him to an entirely new career designing St.
Peter's in Rome, and the Medici chapel, two of the greatest artistic
achievements of that period. 5. Don't treat your emotions as facts. On a cold day in
February five years ago, I lay on my bed, sobbing, convinced I would
never publish my self-help book, reach my readers, or find my way out
of an ill-suited temp job that I hated. I soggily asked my husband if I should just chuck it all,
and go back to work doing this very thing I hated full time.
Fortunately for me, he told me to stop being hysterical and keep
plugging away on my dream. Five years later, I really am living my dream full time,
simply because I didn't treat my momentary upset as factual proof that
my dream was kaput. Remember - emotions are emotions; only facts
are facts. 6. Don't compare your progress with anyone else's. Your
dream is not a test of your self-worth. Instead, it is the playground
of your soul, as well as your spiritual mission in life. So treat it as
such, and stop playing the big shame tape every time someone else you
know accomplishes more than you do. In fact, another person;s achievements have nothing to do
with your path, your dream, and your karmic lessons in life. Assuming
that they mean anything is simply a trick of your mind. So stop
comparing, and get back to work. 7. Remember how little you know. I contend that our dreams
are here for us to seize in small, digestible chunks. If we could
really see the larger picture, and know where we'd be in five, ten or
twenty years, we'd become overwhelmed instantly. So take what information you do get, and humbly stay your
course. Just because it seems like nothing's ever going to happen
DOES NOT MEAN that nothing ever will. It just means that today, that's
how things look. In other words, remember... you haven't got a clue how this
dream thing will turn out, and you can take all kinds of comfort
in that, especially if you're busy having
fun! ~ ~ ~ Lesson Four: How to Manage
Rejection Every summer I indulge a particular passion of mine:
appearing in a musical with our local community theater group. There is
an entire pack of us women-over- forty-who-must-act (we call ourselves
the "elder-babes",) and these shows are one of the high points of our
year. This season's production is going to be no exception: we are
doing "Chicago". Now let me just say... I'm no dancer. Despite
years of dance training in my youth, I tend to get up there and go left
when everyone else is going right. No problem, I naively figured. I'd been taking jazz dance
classes for an entire year, so how tough was this going to be? I
blithely pulled on the fishnets and trotted off to the dance
auditions. Four hours later, I crawled home, assuming the worst. The routines had gone on for hours, every one of them
mind-numbingly complex. Somehow, an entire legion of great dancers
materialized out of nowhere, and whipped through each combination
flawlessly. Meanwhile, I hid at the back behind my friend Leslie,
a former Broadway hoofer, and tried feebly to follow along. Call
backs were the following weekend, and the ensuing week was pure,
unadulterated hell. I violated every last rule I've spent all these years
preaching about: I assumed I wouldn't be cast and whined ceaselessly to
my husband about it. Then I angrily decided I would rise up and quit the audition
process then and there. (After all, if I couldn't dance, what use could
I possibly be to this @*%&$%! show?) Eventually, I calmed down a bit, but only because my
thirteen year old daughter told me to get a grip. I was, in fact,
wrestling in the trenches with that old, familiar beast, Rejection. And
at this point, Rejection was definitely winning. Its dark little mutterings were on pretty much 24/7, and it
did its best to whip me down to the emotional size I was back at about
- oh, maybe age twelve. I was called back for one of the few non-dance roles in the
show, and found myself fumbling through these auditions, too. I
couldn't hit the very low notes the song required; my acting seemed
lifeless and forced to me. I went home with tears in my eyes, convinced
that this would be the first summer I wouldn't make it on stage. The Rejection demons really moved in for the kill at that
point. For the next two days, I dissolved into tears at the drop of the
hat. I kept imagining all the great times the cast would be having
without me. I buried myself deeper and deeper in
self-pity. It was as if I couldn't turn off the ceaseless drone of my
damning mind, no matter what I did. Finally, in a single moment
of clarity, I turned to self-help. I did the emotional freedom
technique, which combines eye movements, and tapping on certain key
meridian points in the body with affirming thoughts and
sentences. I'd known of the technique, but had never done it before;
still the time for it was obviously right. As I did the eft
process, I felt a curious calm descend over me. "This is... weird," I told myself as I tapped below my eye,
and on my chin. How could a little tapping undo an entire
lifetime of vulnerability, humiliation, shame, and deep inner
torment!? When I completed the entire process twice, I became aware
that I was suddenly 'okay' with the entire audition situation. It just
plain seemed okay if I didn't get cast. I started thinking about
selling tickets each night with Bonnie, our fun ticket chair, or maybe
just sitting in the audience for a change. I started imagining a summer where I had plenty of time to
laze around with the kids, or go on long boat rides with my husband. I
started remembering how relaxed summer could actually be. When I
woke up the next day, the mood miraculously continued. Now it occurred to me that there might actually be some
small non-dance roles in the show that I could take. And that I could
do this and STILL have a relaxing, nurturing summer AND even be in the
show with the other elder-babes. It struck me that I didn't have to be the star to have a
valid experience with my beloved theater family. All I had to be was
there, one way or another. Like all stories of inner torment, this one had its lessons,
too. I got to get over myself with eft, which is now my new favorite
tool for such. And I got to remember why I really love my little theater
company - not because of the big moments in front of the audience
(though those aren't bad either), but because of the whole theater
company experience. By the way, I just found out I did get a part... in the
dance corps! Not only must the Gods be crazy, they clearly
have a sense of humor, too. ~ ~ ~ TRY THIS: HANDS-ON
EFT Want to experience the power of the emotional freedom
techniques for yourself? A fellow named Gary Craig, who put this
technology together, has an excellent, resource-crammed site, with lots
of free articles and reasonably-priced trainings, videos, etc.
http://www.emofree.com/ There is an even more concise, easy to work with technique,
which is similar to EFT, called BSFF (Be Set Free Fast) at Joan
Sotkin's Prosperity Place website. I've tried both, and I like this one just a little bit
better. Joan's website also has a free sample to try from her home page
at
http://www.prosperityplace.com
~ ~ ~ Lesson Five: A Great Way to
Cut Expenses One of the biggest challenges creative dreamers face when
it's time to make their dream their livelihood is regulating cash flow.
Typically we have lots of new business expenses, without enough income
to meet them. One easy solution is to spend less - something many of us in
the US, at least, find hard to do. And yet, it must be done. If that's
you, read on; I think I've stumbled upon a great solution. Recently, I decided to tighten my belt and start spending
carefully for a change. Which for a relaxed, what-the-heck spender like
myself was the equivalent to going into the desert for 40 days and 40
nights. In the past, such measures always dissolved in a
puddle of good intentions. Even though I knew this was important and good to do... I
just couldn't stick with the program. But this time, I've found a
trick that works. The first month, I simply tracked my expenses
on two file cards in my wallet (one for business, one for personal.) Then last month, I paid my regular bills by check as usual.
I also determined just how much cash I needed to live on each week,
based on my previous tracking, and withdrew such from the bank on an
appointed, regular day: Wednesday. I also parked my credit card and my debit card in my desk
drawer, so they'd be out of circulation. Then I carefully monitored as
I spent. As the month wore on, the cash ebbed and flowed. Some weeks I spent less than my weekly sum; some weeks I
spent more. And now, at month's end, I found I actually kept to my
budget quite well - and can donate the rest towards savings and my
business. The reason this works, I think, is because parking the
plastic and paying cash is radical. Initially, I was pretty sure it
wouldn't work. ("What about emergencies? What about last minute things
for the kids? What about... impulse buys?") But I was so sick of financial ambiguity and sloppy spending
that I did it anyway. And I was amazed. The physical act of
paying cash really does govern what you spend. When you have to pay
$120 for groceries, you start thinking about whether you really need
that extra large bag of premium potato chips, or the case of designer
water. When you have to pay cash for the dentist (two fillings:
$220) it occurs to you that you can actually shop for a dentist. Paying
cash has a wonderful way of keeping you honest. And it makes you super
conscious of details which previously might have left you cold. Last
month I found myself not buying things which in the past had been
bought without a second thought. This was power saving! Paying cash is a great way to
save money, which helps you meet financial goals like paying down a big
credit card balance, or establishing a six month emergency savings fund
to help you leave your non-dream day job. (Both steps I recommend
taking in my new book, Living Your Joy.) At month's end I feel empowered, and gung-ho for another
month of cash-only adventures. One final note: my 9 and 13 year
old children who've traditionally hit me for snacks, toys, and endless
pairs of skin tight jeans (yes, I am the ‘soft' parent) have stopped
expecting handouts. And I'm proud to say, they've started working on their own
ways to earn and save money. So there is a marvelous trickle down
effect. All this financial freedom takes is some commitment on
your part, and the willingness to try doing things differently -- as an
experiment, or even a game. Try it, and you may find your dream gets funded a lot more
quickly and easily. PS. Don't forget: unless you finance your
dream adequately, you can't reach the people you're here to reach.
That's the power of your financial
decisions. ~ ~ ~ Lesson Six: Avoid Creative
Anorexia Do you really believe you can have what you want? Or do you
tend to operate with your feet in two camps -- one that says, "I'm
going out there and pursue my dream" and another that says, "I'll also
hedge my bets by doing something I don't love that much, just in case
the dream thing doesn't work out." This is what Persephone Zill, a coach I've worked with,
would call "indirectness" and I'm here to say that it doesn't
work. I've spent a lot of time in life hedging my bets under the
mistaken illusion that this is mature, business-like behavior. The real irony is that seldom have these supposedly
businesslike ideas ever produced income or other results that I thought
for sure they would. The urge to hedge your bets often runs
contrary to everything your gut instincts scream at you to do. For
instance, say you want to be a teacher. Your instinct says 'Quit the job! Go get licensed! Be a
teacher kids never forget!" Meanwhile, you hedge your bets by dedicating most of your
energy to work that doesn't feed your soul, and taking a course here
and there that never really moves you any closer to the dream. You
justify your lack of action by insisting you can't afford to quit or
alter your job, or deciding you don't want to change your lifestyle and
live on a teacher's salary. And yet ... what do you want? Do you want the excuses,
or do you want the results? Do you want a life that's halfway, but
never all the way, to the dream? For a lot of us, the excuses, and the
half-baked life are all we think we deserve. We don't focus on getting what we want because somewhere
along the way, we decided we don't deserve that much happiness and
fulfillment. I trace my own inclination to think that way back to a
pivotal lunch with my mother back in my senior year in high school,
when she asked me what I wanted to do with my life. As I was about to answer, "Be a singer or a writer," she
pointed a finger at me and announced triumphantly, "Communications!
You're going to be GREAT in communications!" Whereupon I promptly burst into tears, and went on to spend
18 years in advertising, 'communicating' and hating myself all
the while. Seeds get planted that should not have been allowed to
grow; ideas get listened to that should have been ignored. We cast about looking for anyone else but ourselves to give
us direction -- and yet, WE are the only ones who can give us the
permission to really, truly, honestly create what we want in
life. We can do what we want, but only if we are brave enough to
seize the initiative -- even if it means not listening to Mom and going
it alone. The urge not to provide ourselves with what we need in life
is a sort of creative anorexia, deprivation that is all about a
distorted picture of who we are and what we deserve. The real irony is that seldom do the contingency plans and
hedged bets work out. During my entire career in advertising I never
made half the salary that my other, more eager co-workers made. The
simple fact was that I didn't want to be there, nor should I have been.
Consequently, I couldn't produce the results that were
expected of me. Perhaps the road to what you want won't be fast,
easy or lined with gold, but it will be one hundred percent honest. And
that provides riches you can't even begin to count. So get out there, make a transitional plan you can stick to,
and begin to do what you want. I'm here to say that you do,
indeed, deserve it. ~ ~ ~ TRY THIS: What do you think
you deserve? To learn more about how much (or how little) you think you
deserve, here are a few questions to answer. (Scoring is at the bottom
of this section.) 1. When offered a sumptuous dessert after a great meal in
your honor, you a) insist you're full, even if you're not. (All the while
watching everyone else eat it, wishing you'd said
yes.) b) sit in tortured indecision about the dessert, until you
finally pass it up because that's what everyone else is doing. (Later,
you think about it with a pang.) c) decide the diet can go just this once - and dig in,
gratefully, knowing you can work off the calories with extra exercise
tomorrow. d) automatically decide that since you never eat dessert
(even though you love it), you'll miss this one, too. 2. You tend to earn a) just enough money to eke out a living, though you do rack
up regular credit card debt b) more money than you need... but you spend more than you
should, so you end up with little at month's end c) adequate money for your needs, savings, investments, etc.
d) less than you'd like, but not dramatically so. At least
some savings programs, etc. are in place 3. When it comes to finishing your creative projects, you
tend to a) work on them endlessly without the satisfaction of
completion. (Darn things are never quite good enough.) b) throw away or drop most every project you start. (Whom
are you kidding, anyway?) c) push through to the bitter end, even when the going is
tough. You've even mustered up the courage to submit some of your work
to professional venues. d) always back off near the end, leaving the work hanging,
unfinished. But you WILL get to it someday. Hopefully. 4. Your friends tend to be a) few and far between. (Nobody really understands
you.) b) a competitive bunch with whom you're afraid to share your
most vulnerable feelings, dreams, etc. (You'd never ask them for
support!) c) honest-to-God allies full of support for your creative
dreams and projects. You feel blessed. d) divided between those who are critical and those who are
soundly in your corner. Sometimes it seems the nay-sayers win
out. 5. When it comes to your dreams in life, your spouse or
partner is usually a) annoyed most of the time, so you don't mention them
much b) closed-mouth, but not vocally protesting all the time,
either c) squarely in your corner, taking actions that actively
support your dream d) worried you're going to "take the leap" and change your
life so radically they can't keep up or adjust. But you haven't really
talked about it with them in earnest. 6. Your day job or main source of income
is a) best described as toxic - and there appears to be no way
out b) barely tolerable, but at least provides some pretty good
money c) a workable fit for your dreams right now, though it may
change in the
future d) something you really have to change, but not until you're
ready - which isn't quite yet Scoring: If
you answered mostly a) or b), you're probably putting up with a whole
lot of "tolerations" as the late coaching guru Thomas Leonard put it. Perhaps it's time to redesign your life to really put some
commitment into living your dream. If you answered mostly c) you've already decided you deserve
a lot - and have set up your life accordingly. Good for you! If you answered mostly d), you're on your way to a sense of
deserving more, but still need to work on it. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, believe it when we tell
you... You ARE worth it! ~ ~ ~> continued on page 2 Lesson Seven: Sure-Fire Creativity Inducers ~ ~ ~
Suzanne
Falter-Barns
is author of the books: Living Your Joy: A Practical Guide to Happiness and
founder
of coaching resources site: Also
see her programs: ~ ~ ~ |
|
