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Creative Juice - page 2 A Dozen Key Lessons for Creative Dreamers by Suzanne Falter-Barns Table of Contents page 2 [this page] Lesson Seven: Sure-Fire Creativity Inducers> page 1 Lesson One: The Hallmarks of Genius Lesson Two: How Sex and Creativity Connect Lesson Three: How (and Why) to Be Patient Lesson Four: How to Manage Rejection TRY THIS: HANDS-ON EFT Lesson Five: A Great Way to Cut Expenses Lesson Six: Avoid Creative Anorexia TRY THIS: What do you think you deserve? > Suzanne Falter-Barns website link & books at end of pages
Lesson Seven: Sure-Fire Creativity Inducers Occasionally
the creative soul feels a bit stiff and scratchy. You know the signs:
you can't remember the last time you slipped into a good creative
trance. You're feeling like you're nowhere on your creative project. Somehow
you find yourself so muddled in the day to day living of life, you
simply haven't got time for the fun stuff. That's when it's time
for radical action... specifically, a few sure-fire creativity
inducers. These
are my own tips on different joyful acts you can take that will restart
your engines and get you rolling once again. Mind
you, not everyone will cotton to all of them. That's fine. The goal
is for you to find the ones you resonate with, so you can pull
them out whenever needed. I've dabbled in all of these and have
found each one rich in its own right. African Drumming OK,
I know - you're not the "drumming type." Neither was I - until I tried
it. This is just about one of the most fun things you can do with
your clothes on, because the rhythm just begins to pour through you.
(Even if you have no drumming experience. I promise!) Drumming
studios have drums, teach you how, and help you find other drummers to
practice with in drumming circles. Great for relieving tension,
and just plain having fun! This
one's especially great if you sit at a computer all day long, and feel
pretty much welded to it at the end of the day. You have to do this
work "live", so you're out there, pounding away, in the real world, not
the virtual one. You
can find a group or a teacher at a great British website, African-
Drumbeat that lists such for UK, USA, Canada and Australia. Go to
http://www.african-drumbeat.co.uk/us-teach.htm Dance In
the last six months I've gotten seriously back into dance for exercise
- and I find it really gets all my creative juices flowing. I love
jazz, rhythm tap, tango, tribal, and just about anything that gets you
to improvise a little. Heck,
if you get into the African drumming above, you may even want to visit
a few African dance classes. They're great! (And wonderful for your
lower back!) Here
are some links I like: http://www.fcbd.com/ is the home of Fat Chance
Belly Dance in California. Their video is terrific, and the also sell
scarves, finger cymbals, etc., to complete the experience. Tango
is dance that's all about seduction, flirtation and great stuff like
that. (Check out the independent film, Strictly Ballroom, for some
great Latininspired dance scenes that will get you going.) I
found numerous sites dedicated to tango in different parts of the
country just running a Google search on "tango
instruction". Finally,
while I haven't tried out these videos, I'm intrigued by Christy Lane's
videos at http://www.christylane.com/videos.htm that teach everything
from 70's dance (remember 'the bump'?) to African and swing. My
own tried and true dance solution is to put on a compilation CD of
great music and cut loose in the living room. (I add a rebounder or
mini trampoline that I jump on part of the time just to get me really
moving and exuding.) Your
children will laugh at you, but so what... you'll be more creative for
it! (If they're old enough, get THEM to make the compilation CD, and
they may not laugh quite as much.) Visual Art World
of Watercolor is a jam packed on-line magazine that guides you towards
all kinds of watercolor resources. I really like this medium in
particular because it's loose, and spontaneous - you don't have to even
know how to draw to create great effects. (Sometimes it's better if you
don't!) Go
to http://worldofwatercolor.com/features.htm You
might also check in with your local art school to see if they have a
Croakie class. This is quick sketches you do with a charcoal pencil,
usually of a live nude model who changes position every five minutes.
So you don't have time to focus on your bad drawing - but instead, can
learn how to get the picture with the big strokes. Great
for loosening up perfectionist instincts. Another
intriguing option is Japanese or Chinese brush painting, which just
focuses on creating a Zen-like relationship with the black ink, the
white paper and the form you wish to illustrate. There's
an interesting book at amazon.com about this: Chinese Brush
Painting Step by Step: Step by Step by Kwan Jung. Performing Nothing
beats open-mike night at the stand-up comedy clubs for putting you
straight out on the creative edge. You either kill or are killed, to
put it in trade lingo. An open mike nights are your opportunity to test
ideas, try out new stuff, and give yourself a mental goose. Remember
- just getting up there is triumph enough! (If you don't know where to
go, start with "Comedy Clubs" in the Yellow pages.) I also like
community theater and choral singing for getting you off the couch and
out into the creative realm. (This is also far less intimidating for
many of us, than standing up alone and trying to entertain an
audience.) You
can find choruses in just about any church, and in most
communities. Best of all - you don't have to be a terrific
singer, but just a willing one. This is a great tool for those
who tend to be shy or isolated. As for community theater, simply
take care that you don't find yourself committing too many hours to
a production, or you'll lose valuable time on your dream (unless
it happens to BE performing in community theater!) At
any rate, it's an excellent confidence booster and helps you learn to
overcome many fears. Meditation Now this is one of those
things you simply have to commit to, regularly, in order to see a net
effect. Meditation is fantastically grounding and opens us up to
receive much good information about our dream... if we allow ourselves
to do it often enough. The
press of life is often so great that "just sitting there, doing
nothing" seems laughably self-indulgent... and unnecessary! In
fact, this could be the most important 20 minutes of your day, if you'd
just commit to it. No special technique is needed. Here are some
helpful Do's and Don'ts: TRY THIS: The Do's
and Don'ts of Meditation The
Do's ... Do check in regularly with God, or whom ever you
recognize that great big Source to be. Do allow yourself enough
time to get still and relaxed. Do let the answering machine pick
up. Do
notify others around you that you need some quiet time Do sit on
a pillow or cushion if you're seated on the floor that's high enough to
let your knees naturally slope towards the floor; this supports you
back. Do
keep a sweater or shawl nearby in case you get cold. Do take
everything off your lap. Do keep a notebook, pen, tape recorder,
or an instant messager nearby if you want to make a few notes or do
some automatic writing. Do
allow your body to move or sway if you so desire. Do be patient
and allow your practice to improve over time. Do fully extinguish
all flames and burning embers when you are finished meditating.
Do remember to say thanks. and
the Don'ts ... Don't worry about the chatter in your head; it
will come and go. Instead focus on relaxing enough to keep emptying out
your thoughts. Don't
decide that you "just can't meditate" or that you'll never get it
right. Meditation is a 'practice', meaning this activity is only
practiced at and never perfected. Don't play a radio, television,
or music anywhere near by (the only exception are guided meditation
tapes.) Turn it all off. Don't
wear a watch. Don't wear constricting clothes, or unfasten them
while you meditate. Don't expect to solve any particular
problems; instead stay open to the possibility that you'll get your
answers when the time is right. Don't
have alcohol or caffeine within four hours of meditating. Don't
leave nearby windows open if candles, herbs, incense, or anything is
burning. (I personally witnessed an altar go up in flames during a yoga
class, due to a breeze fanning incense embers.) In
fact, avoid open flames, especially if you have a tendency to nod off
while meditating. You can use meditation to tap deep wellsprings
of information you have that you may not even know about. For instance,
meditation can help you learn more about what I call your Soul Purpose
in life. You
can learn more about this program at
HowMuchJoy. ~ ~
~ Lesson Eight: Take Your Dream to
Lunch What
did you have for lunch today? Was it a container of yogurt and
half the contents of your 'in' box? Maybe you took in a meeting and
skipped lunch altogether, until you lifted your head at 3:30 and ran
downstairs for a candy bar and an apple (your nod to
nutrition.) Or
was lunch yet another escape from a job you hate with some fellow
disgruntled employees? If so, was vitriol served alongside the
hamburgers? On
the other hand, maybe you used your lunch hour to chip away at your
dreams. I've recently taken the somewhat dangerous position that one of
the best times of day to do the work of your dreams is during your
lunch hour. While
the concept may seem radical - "What? Do my
painting/practicing/blue sky brainstorming right here... at my DESK?
You godda be CRAZY! " - there is a certain logic to it. Look
at it this way. If you are like some people who read this newsletter,
you work all day and then come home too tired at night to really put
that much energy into your dream. Or
perhaps you get up at the crack of dawn, all set to write or compose or
paint, and suddenly a child appears in the doorway, wanting an
especially early story read to them. On
the other hand, lunch hour is technically your time, and its purpose is
to stop, take a break, and refresh your spirit. What better way
than to spend your lunch hour than on the work of your
soul? Now you may be involved in something like tap dancing or
chain-saw sculpting that could be a tad disruptive at work. No
problem. Find a nearby place to do your work. Major cities have
rehearsal and even art studios to rent by the hour. Suburbs have church
and temple halls you can usually borrow if they're unused.
The key here is to be resourceful and use your imagination. Let
your mind wander to the place or the means to do what you've got to do.
A friend of mine used to use an unused furniture store room at his
company to practice tai chi every hour at lunch. Or use the lunch hour
to do the quiet work of your dream -- the planning, the research, the
marketing, etc. On
the other hand, it may just be plain hard to create in your fluorescent
office environment with phones ringing and interruptions galore. You
may be afraid to close your door while you work, or you may not even
have a door. That's
when it pays to walk over to the public library, a friend's office
conference room, a park or nearby office lobby with a public space in
it -- or anywhere where you can reasonably sit and do your work for a
while. I
discovered this option when I worked in Times Square and began to hang
around in the Starbucks on Eighth Avenue and 43rd Street. A remarkable
number of people from my office drifted in there at lunch hour, and
there we'd sit, steadfastly ignoring each other, each of us bent over
pieces of writing, or business plans, or sketches we were working
on. The
remarkable thing was that even though this was 'work', its very essence
was as refreshing as taking a long, cool walk. Inevitably, I'd come
back to work with renewed vigor, ready to face the day. So
what about lunch? Bring it. That's the only way this particular
plan works, because you have to watch the clock when you do this midday
work-fest. An hour goes by fast when you're deep in your dream, so you
don't want any of it chewed up by waiting in line for a tunafish
sandwich. Better
to get yourself some sort of lunch box, stock it, and stow it in the
company fridge each day. (Enough companies have microwaves that you
might even score a hot lunch this way.) Then
eat it as your desk before or after you tackle your dream. At any
rate, do remember: it's your lunch hour. You
earned it, and you get to use it. Don't ever let anyone persuade you
otherwise. Furthermore,
you'll be more productive the rest of the day by properly taking care
of yourself in the first place. Finally, if the concept of using any
lunch hours at all for your dream seems impossible, then you are
probably working too hard. That's
when it's time to reevaluate your job -- not your dream. You may
even find that once you begin to have your dream for lunch on a regular
basis, other assorted dreamers may seek you out and offer support and
encouragement. You
might even want to start an unofficial group, like a Lunchtime Joy
Group, meeting every few weeks to check in on each other's progress and
offer encouragement. Take your dream to lunch and see what
happens. If nothing else, balance may miraculously return to your
life. ~ ~
~ Lesson Nine: Just Ask Recently,
I had a fantastic crisis. It was fantastic because not only did
disaster NOT strike, but it reminded me of a truth as old as the hills:
when all seems lost, just ask. Currently,
I am in the throws of doing lots of radio interviews to promote the new
Ballantine edition of my book. And the worst thing that can possibly
happen to an author (and a publicist) happened. I forgot an
interview. It was just one of those mornings when I had a
houseful of guests. In
fact, I was busy serving blueberry pancakes when it struck me
that something was wrong... something was very wrong. Just
like Miss Clavel in Madeline, I ran fast and faster, trying to figure
out the disaster. When
I reached my upstairs office, I fumbled through my file and saw
that I'd been scheduled for an interview on a Colorado radio
station at 9:05 AM, and it was not 10:05 AM! I
could feel the bottom of my stomach drop out. How was I going to
face Joanne, my beloved, trusted publicist who had worked so hard to
schedule the interview? And how was I going to face the folks at
Ballantine who were counting on me to show up and do my part? I
just stood there, doing my best to curse quietly so the children, and
houseguests, wouldn't hear me. For a good twenty minutes, I hung
around my office avoiding calling Joanne. Blueberry
pancakes and my houseguests were totally forgotten. Instead, my mind
was full of excuses, which The Big G kept patiently answering. The
conversation went like this: ME:
It was only 7AM on the West Coast. I can't call
NOW. Finally,
I called. Joanne was not mad and certainly did not try to leap through
the phone and kill me. In fact, she was the essence of grace under
pressure and said, quite sanely, "The host is a really nice guy. Call
him up. He'll probably put you on." So I
girded my loins again, dialed, and explained to the man why I was an
hour and twenty minutes late. "Can you hold on?" he asked, and two
minutes later I was doing the interview, marveling at the fact that all
I had to do was ask. So
often we assume we 'know' how it's all going to turn out. We're
completely certain of future results, and base our information on
previous circumstances that have little to do with the here and now.
I'm here to say that we don't necessarily know a thing -- all we can do
is ask and try, ask and try, no matter how scary it seems. Otherwise,
the only certainty is that we've once again caved into our fear and
stayed stuck, instead of moving forward. Or, as the sign my
friend Ellen Nalle used to have above her desk said, "Just Ask".
After my interview, I called Joanne back and told her how it all turned
out. "This is so great!" I gushed, "I can write about it in the Joy
Letter." "Fine,"
Joanne replied. "But don't miss anymore interviews, okay? Even for your
newsletter. ~ ~
~ Lesson Ten: What Skiing Can Teach You about
Your Dreams Lately,
I've been thinking a lot about skiing, and how it relates to life. You
tend to get pretty philosophical after you've found yourself seated not
once but a dozen times while trying to learn how to ski moguls, which
are bumps in the snow that form after lots of skiers before you carve
turns in a nice, snowy hill. Like
life, one must learn to negotiate the bumps, so one must learn to ski
moguls. Lesson
#1: You can't improve without landing on your can from time to
time. So why, at age 43, am I even trying to ski bumps when the
rest of my middle-aged lady friends are happy on the lovely, flat,
groomed trails with nary a flake out of place? Because
I can no longer ski with my children or my husband, and so am being
forced to improve. Lesson
#2: Learn the hard stuff while you're still young. I learned how
to ski thirteen years ago when I married a skier. My ability level rose
to intermediate, and stayed parked there for the last eleven years. It
always seemed too hard and too scary to ski the advanced 'black
diamond' trails, with their steep embankments and their unexpected
outcroppings of bumps. Navigating
the moguls in particular seemed impossible to me. Yet, ironically
enough, this is what my husband and my eleven-year-old daughter love to
ski the most. Lesson
#3: Whatever your resist in life will eventually come to haunt
you. To remedy my problem, I decided to face it head on. I
invited my daughter to go up to the mountain with me on a Saturday, and
teach me how to get down the stuff she loves, and she graciously
agreed. We
got off the chair lift, and she led me to her favorite field of moguls,
a trail innocently enough called MacKenzie. "Just
ski it," she advised, and set off to prove her point, zipping this way
and that through the first patch of moguls, three-footers that defied
any kind of skiing logic I could come up with. I had no idea how I was
going to 'just ski it.' That's
when the words of my friend Christine, a former ski instructor, came
back to me: "Don't look at the trail below you. Just figure out where
you're going to turn first. Then look for your next turn, and your
next. Pretty soon you'll be down it." Historically,
I'd always stood at the top of a hard trail, nursed a good five to ten
minutes of panic, then made a decision I couldn't ski the thing, and
promptly slid my way down to the bottom, mostly on my butt. Or I
defiantly took my skis off and walked down along the edge. Or I
harangued my husband for a good few minutes. Never, once, had I just
calmly tried it. "Let's
go, Mom!" called Teal, waiting patiently. So I set off, looking for the
spot for each turn I could make. I turned once and my skis, quite
improbably went up over a mogul, down it, and around the next one. I
turned again, and set my sites on the next turn. Again and again, I
kept finding the next turn -- and suddenly it dawned on me. Not
only was I skiing the dreaded moguls, it was exactly like pursuing your
dreams. We want to stand at the top of our particular challenge,
and scope out exactly how we're going to make it work. But
we can't really know that until we're deep in the middle of the work.
The greater the challenge, the more you must rely on your gut wisdom to
carry you through, telling you where to turn and what to do next. You
cannot stand at the top of the run and figure it all out in advance.
Life simply doesn't work that way. Lesson
#4: Trust yourself -- especially on the scary stuff. I found my
way down MacKenzie that morning with surprising ease. I fell a few
times but somehow the automatic Voice of Resounding Shame didn't
resound quite as loudly. And
I learned another amazing thing: if you're skiing under control, when
you fall on a steep slope, you can pop right back up again. In the
past, when I'd skied the Beginner and Intermediate terrain, getting up
again was hell. I'd have to take off a ski, get on my hands and knees,
and struggle upright again. But
here, the angle of the mountain, or possibly my adrenaline, literally
pushed me right back to my feet. Again, my mind went to life
parallels, and I thought of the way we respond when we're deep in
pursuit of our dreams. The
stronger our commitment, the faster we get right back to work after we
hit a snag. We simply want to feel that magical flow again. Lesson
#5: The steeper the challenge, the faster you get back on your
feet. Whether you ski or not, challenges most certainly await in
some corner of your life. I
invite you to ski straight into them, and just keep looking for where
to turn next. If you keep your course steady and methodical, and you
don't start racing out of control, even your falls will provide moments
of quiet strength. Happy
trails. ~
~ ~ Lesson
Eleven: How to Make a Comeback One month ago, a wildfire tore
through 500 acres of field and forest at the edge of our small town on
Lake Champlain. A spark from a passing Amtrak train ignited grass, dry
from a three-week drought. In
the twelve hours that followed, volunteer firemen and just about any
other able body who saw the smoke and showed up fought back
thirty foot walls of flames, carrying metal tanks of
antiinflammitant on their backs. Two
neighboring farms were spared, though in some places the fire moved
right up within a few feet of farmhouses and barns. In the
end, all that was left behind was scorched earth, and stands of dead
trees and bushes. The
normally verdant spring landscape, one of wildflower meadows, soaring
blackbirds, and purple mountains in the distance, looked like a war
zone. As far as the wildlife was concerned, it probably was one.
Yet, amazingly enough, this story does not end badly. One
week after the fire, I forced myself to ride my bike past the scene of
the fire -- a place I'd been avoiding because it had looked so very
bleak and lifeless. Yet,
I was amazed to see green, admittedly small bits of it, but signs of
life nonetheless. The fields were already making a comeback. In
the last month, I've ridden my bike past those fields repeatedly, and
watched as they have returned, quickly moving from a sea of black with
sprigs of green to lush fields in full summer bloom. Here
and there, burned, dead brush sticks up, a reminder, like nothing more
than scars on a child's knee. There are dead trees around the edges of
the forest, but the remaining core of the woods is still in full-leaf,
deep and green. And
slowly, over time, new trees will grow, and sprigs of new brush and
shrubbery will begin covering the skeletons left behind. The
comeback of this acreage is nothing less than miraculous; it teaches us
a lesson about ourselves. How
often have you suffered through a devastation, convinced that some
significant part of your life was now over and you would never, ever be
healed. And then, through the miracle of time, you did heal.
Things slowly began to go right again; wounds were licked. Life began
chugging along again in third gear. And
over time, the remaining bumps and scars became part of your lore --
the essential truths that define who you are. The wildfire left
behind a legacy of the day everything stopped, and most of the adults
and half the teenagers went off to fight it. It
left behind not only dead wood, but a story sure to be told to
children, summer people, and anyone else listening, ten, twenty or
forty years from now. Just
as fire clears a field, making it fertile and rich for new growth,
crisis gives us a measure of our character. The reason the story of the
wildfire will be told is not only because of its inherent drama,
but because growth happened -- for the fields and the people who tend
them. The
town pulled together and put out the fire, saving farms, livestock,
wildlife. This is not the first crisis our town has weathered, but as
with all of them, it has been left richer for the experience. Think
of this the next time your dream lets you down (and it will, sooner or
later, for dreams usually do as they unfold.) Remember that this, too,
is part of your cycle of growth. Just
as a field reseeds itself and gives way to the grasses of summer once
again, so can you. If nothing else, the crisis has left you stronger,
more capable of knowing just what you can do, ready for tremendous
growth. ~
~ ~ Lesson Twelve: Protecting Your Dream at
Dysfunctional Family Get-Togethers If
you are someone who cringes at the thought of big family get-togethers,
this essay is for you. Not all of us are blessed with families of
origin that really honor our unique creative gifts - some are even
downright hostile about them. We
may love these folks in a visceral way, even when they kick sand on
their dreams, and if that's the case, we need support. You know
what I mean if you've ever been mercilessly teased over turkey for that
thing you do that nobody else in the family can relate to. Or
if you get questions like "Are you STILL just writing?" The
problem is that many of us grew up with unique gifts, all the while
surrounded by people who were either jealous of them, didn't
understand them, or were threatened by them. We
may still even have Mom or Dad's speech in our heads, decrying our
decision to become an artist, a coach, or an entrepreneur. ("Think of
your FUTURE! You're throwing away a perfectly good
career!") We
may be afraid our dreams will die if we expose them to a family we
still care very much about. If that's the case, take heart.
Your holiday visit doesn't have to be a slash and burn party at your
expense; in fact, you can even use it to feed your dreams. (Think of it
as a growth experience.) While
I'm no therapist, I have given the matter a fair amount of
thought. Here are some key points I've uncovered, that
should help you stay cool, and keep your dream strong and
healthy, 1.
Remember that you're not here to live up to anyone else's expectations.
In fact, you're really just here to live your own unique purpose in
life (see "Discover Your Soul Purpose" under "Joy Sendings" below.) You
were given your own, particular set of gifts for a reason that is much
bigger than any family could ever be. 2.
Hold your work as sacred. That means don't share it with just any Tom,
Dick or Harry until it's the right time. If you're working on a book,
and you haven't shown it to anyone else yet, why mention it to a
sibling or parent who's likely to be jealous or cruel? Protect
that work like the tenderest baby, and DO NOT bring it out into the
world until it is developed enough to make the passage safely. This is
your responsibility as creator. 3.
Interpret criticism, jealousy, and sarcasm as a good sign. It could be
that your dream is taking you out into the world a bit more, so you're
likely to be seen by limiting figures from your past as arrogant,
self-involved, or pushy. Students
who recently completed our Coming Out of Hiding class report that those
who liked keeping them small in the past don't have much patience with
their bigger, truer selves - . And that's great! It means progress is
being made. 4.
Don't gossip about the others. In fact, while you're at it, rise above
all snipes, jabs, and other acts of pettiness. Don't let yourself slip
into an argument or snit that will drain the life, energy and happiness
right out of the festivities. Honestly
-- it's not worth it. Furthermore, you have to save your energy for
your dream, remember? That way you can return home renewed and ready to
work, instead of feeling run over by a truck. 5.
Try a little empathy. Ideally, one should be able to regard the
dysfunctional relatives with compassion. Often these are people without
a dream whose lives are small enough, and sad enough, that they
actually get pleasure attempting to bring people down to their level.
They actually deserve a fair amount of pity -- but not too much, mind
you. 6.
Assume a happy mask of detachment, just the way you would if you were a
seasoned customer service rep who's used to difficult clients. That's
the best defense when the vipers are at it, because though it's tough
to do, it really leaves you feeling clean and whole on the drive
home. 7.
Stop hoping for acceptance. You'll probably be disappointed. Short of
catastrophic illness, a death in the family, big-time counseling, or a
major disaster, little can change deep-seated, dysfunctional family
patterns. In
fact, you and your dream may never be accepted by certain family
members; they just haven't got the mental space to embrace it. AND THAT
IS NO REFLECTION ON YOU - it's simply an annoying reality that must be
dealt with, like death, taxes and other human inconveniences. Remember,
you're still right where you should be - even without their
approval. 8.
Don't be smug. You don't have to be. You've got your path and your
dream; you can actually see and live the possibilities of the live
you've always wanted. Others may not be able to share that vision
9.
Go have a good primal scream. Or better yet, go see an art exhibit, or
a movie, or take a hike, or have a latte - alone. Create a little time
for you to just enjoy your own company and gather your wits again. Journaling
is a nice addition to the process -- you can even use the time to chip
away at your dream. If others wonder where you're off to, just tell
them you ‘have to take care of something.' And you do - you have to
take care of yourself. 10.
Remember to breathe. If you find yourself in a tense conversation, stop
for a moment before getting plugged in and responding - and just
breathe. You will automatically be able to get your grounding back, and
remember good things, like the fact that you're an independent spirit
with an important dream. 11.
Find an ally. Not to bitch and moan about the others, but simply to
shore up your sagging spirit. This may be someone in your family, an
old buddy from high school who still lives near home, or a good friend
you can sneak off and call. It helps to have one friendly voice amidst
the fray. 12.
Limit your visit. Need I say more? And while you're at it, bring along
this list. It may just come in handy. TRY THIS: The True
Supporter Litmus Test Want to get clear on who supports your
dream, and who doesn't? Try this little quiz. Think of a specific
person, then answer the question with them in mind. Answers
at the bottom may shed some insight. 1.
Do they ask about your dream only when they've truly run out of all
other possible conversation topics? 2.
Do they tend to burst into their story/experience/wisdom/advice the
minute you reply - instead of really listening? (In other words, is he
or she incapable of keeping the conversation on anyone but
himself.) 3.
Do they say things about your dream like "Are you sure that's a good
idea?" or "I'd be careful if I were you," or even "You've got to be
kidding!" - even though they know nothing about the work your dream
involves? 4.
Are they visibly uncomfortable when you discuss your dream? 5.
Do they make sarcastic jokes about your dream, and your ability to
accomplish it? 6.
Do they get a glazed look of boredom on their face when you bring it
up? 7.
Do they always forget about this important part of your life? 8.
Do you know for a fact they've gossiped about you behind your
back? 9.
Do they tend to correct you -- even in public situations? 10.
Do they send sweet messages with undercutting barbs imbedded in
them? 11.
Are you afraid to mention such behaviors make you uncomfortable? 12.
Do you find yourself unwilling to discuss your dream with them, because
you know they just won't get it? 13.
Do they tend to doubt you and your abilities? If
your replies tend to be more ‘yes' than ‘no', better find a new source
for dream support, and keep this relationship focused on other things. If
you answered most of the questions no, send this person a big, fat
holiday gift from the heart and give them your copious thanks! TRY THIS, TOO: Finding the Ideal Dream
Supporter The
perfect person (or people) to support your dream doesn't have to be a
blood relative, or even your spouse. Where they figure into your life
isn't insignificant; it's how they do that counts! Make
it someone who really is your personal ally, and has the following
characteristics: A
good listener Someone
who genuinely cares about you and your path in life A
fair-minded person with a strong sense of
right A
gentle critic Someone
who is not likely to be jealous or intimidated A
thoughtful soul who takes their time to form an opinion Someone
who believes that you can achieve what you want -- simply because
you're you Someone
who refuses to give up on you dream - even when you're teetering in
that direction. > page 1 Lesson One: The Hallmarks of Genius ~ ~ ~
Suzanne
Falter-Barns
is author of the books: Living Your Joy: A Practical Guide to Happiness and
founder
of coaching resources site: Also
see her programs: ~ ~ ~ |
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