By learning to identify situations when it is holding you back, you can minimize its paralyzing effects.

Whenever opportunity knocked, Montreal graphic artist Ana Garza-Robillard found herself too shy to answer.

"Even when I was a child, I was always afraid when I had to meet people," she says.

That's one big reason why, when it came time to plot a career, Ms. Garza-Robillard decided to work independently by setting up her own graphic design business in Montreal, now known as Mobius2 Creative Studio.

But she soon found that, even when you work for yourself, doing business requires meeting a lot of people.

Just following up with clients put her out of her comfort zone, so she preferred to deal with them by phone, she says. And she regularly avoided making pitches to new clients or making presentations at trade events that could have raised her profile.

"I realized that I was wasting big opportunities by being so shy. I was afraid to make new contacts and just talked with people I already knew," Ms. Garza-Robillard says. "Unless I did something, I was not going to get anywhere."

Ms. Garza-Robillard is not alone. Up to 40 per cent of people experience feelings of shyness to the extent that it can get in the way of their career success, says Ilise Benun, president of Hoboken, N.J.-based consultancy Marketing Mentor and the author of a new book, Stop Pushing Me Around, about conquering shyness.

Shyness comes from an underlying fear and uncertainty that makes those suffering from it avoid situations involving unfamiliar people or situations, Ms. Benun says.

And it can have all sorts of repercussions at work: Shyness may make people beg off making a speech or presentation, avoid asking for a raise even if they believe they deserve it and be too unsure of themselves to aspire to leadership roles.

Almost everyone is shy to some extent in certain situations. Ms. Benun says. It's extremely common for people who are dynamic in their everyday job to turn very uncertain in an unknown situation out of fear they will make a mistake or look incompetent.

This can actually make people stay at a job they dislike, rather than face the prospect of interviewing for a much better position somewhere else.

The good news is that shyness is not genetic but, rather, behaviour you develop based on experiences in your life, says Ms. Benun, who regularly runs assertiveness workshops in Canada.

That means if you learn to identify situations in which underlying shyness is holding you back, you can minimize its paralyzing effects.

Here's her formula for emerging from the shell of shyness:

Know your demons

Learn to recognize situations that typically make you feel shy and how you habitually react to them, for example, by avoiding them or not speaking up.

Commit to making a change

The next time a situation comes up that makes you feel shy, vow to try a different approach, such as speaking up rather than staying silent. Making such changes will, over time, increase your confidence.

One small change at a time

"The reason people remain shy is they have built it up into a huge, immovable thing to overcome, and they decide it is too big a challenge to even think about it," Ms. Benun says.

Making small changes expands your comfort zone and creates the momentum to make big progress over time.

Set targets

Create a time frame for taking concrete actions on goals you want to achieve. For instance, "meet a new person daily" or "attend two networking events monthly."

Create lots of options

If you give yourself many opportunities to interact with people, each one won't carry as much weight and will therefore be less stressful.

Don't bow to the competition

Don't assume that other people have more right to speak up because they appear more confident than you. In fact, your input may be more valuable than anything they have to offer.

Spend time preparing

The better you know your stuff, the more confident you will feel when the time comes to present it.

Visualize support

Instead of imagining a meeting as a place where you might end up being interrogated and judged, imagine it as a circle of colleagues all there to help you. With practice, that will become your reality.

Ask for honest feedback

Shy people tend to dwell so much on their negatives that they fail to see their positives, Ms. Benun says. Seeking input from others will draw out positive things they see in you, and give you more confidence to overcome your shyness.

Review progress

Keep a log of your goals and review daily, or at least weekly, marking down progress you've made. Every success will make you more confident, Ms. Benun says.

"Over time, with persistence, a step here and a step there you're a shy person who starts conversations and is not afraid to move ahead in a career," she says.

Such moves have worked for Ms. Garza-Robillard. By confronting her demons, she says she has not only expanded her career horizons but now looks forward to meeting people, rather than shying away from them.

It's taken two years, since she signed up for one of Ms. Benun's workshops in Montreal, which led to her joining two networking groups where she has pushed herself to meet new people regularly. She finds she no longer feels self-conscious when mingling.

Her shyness still lurks in new situations, but she's learned to push it off centre stage, Ms. Garza-Robillard says. "Having experiences that are good experiences helps make me feel more confident about the next encounter."

And that has led to new opportunities.

She recently decided to form a partnership with another designer to expand her business, and is having meetings regularly to line up larger clients.

"Before, if you has asked me to talk about my shyness, I never would have said yes," she says. But now she believes her experience can help others in the same situation.

"I decided I literally cannot afford to be shy any more."

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Copyright 2006 Bell Globemedia Publishing Inc. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/

Ilise Benun site www.marketing-mentor.com

Her book: Stop Pushing Me Around!: A Workplace Guide for the Timid,
Shy, And Less Assertive

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introversion / shyness.

introversion resources : articles  sites  books

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