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Encountering the Gifted Self Again, For the First Time By
Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, PhD Telltale
Signs of Adult Giftedness: There are many confusing notions
about what
giftedness is and is not. Indeed, in several respects, the life
experience of the gifted individual seems paradoxical (e.g., being
considered highly successful while secretly feeling like an impostor). He
proposed five developmental levels that encompass the evolution of the
personality. Counselors would do well to be mindful of Dabrowski's
(1964, 1970) contention that advanced development and maturity require
a shedding of obsolete psychological patterns. Crisis
and pain generally act as essential catalysts for this growth, which is
frequently the point at which the counselor meets the gifted adult. The
pains that accompany the process of advanced development must not be
dishonored or looked upon as failures. Gifted
clients must be respected and acknowledged for daring to go down the
unpredictable road of self-actualization. And despite the fact that
they may need our encouragement and guidance, gifted people are
resourceful and generally resilient, and do not need counselors to
stand in their way like an overprotective nursemaid. In
reviewing the following markers of giftedness, I suggest they be
considered as enduring characteristics that are normal components of
the gifted personality, building blocks of excellence and
self-actualization, and the rootstock of eventual wisdom. HARSH
SELF-SCRUTINY: One of the primary signs of a gifted I.D. is a
display
of a persistent, often harsh, self-evaluation. Gifted people tend to
monitor and measure their performance, behaviors, and motivations all
the time. They
instinctively practice metacognition as a method of self-guidance, and
when constructively applied they depend on it as a rich resource for
personal insight. This trait is often first visible in the client’s
willingness to shoulder all the responsibility for the current problem:
"It's probably just me. I really shouldn’t even be here. I’m probably
wasting your time. I guess I should just learn to be satisfied with
things as they are." Remarks
such as these should ring a bell in the mind of the evaluator that
perhaps there is more here than simply someone who is suffering from
low self-esteem. COMPLEX
THINKING AND VERBAL ACUITY: Another marker of giftedness is a
strikingly broad base of knowledge as evidenced by a client’s ability
to readily connect various bits of germane information. The counselor
may get the impression: Here sits a bubbling reservoir of a person who
is vibrantly aware, full of information, gems of trivia, and a bevy of
dates, names, places, and anecdotes that seem to spring to mind all at
once. One
can almost hear the cognitive and intuitive wheels spinning behind
their impassioned eyes. Many gifted adults have remarkable verbal
abilities and a burning desire for intense exchanges of ideas (Roeper,
1991). What may at first appear to be tangential thinking and verbosity
is often a tip-off to the enthusiasm and animation that comes naturally
to many gifted people. They
are articulate talkers who love a hot discussion. However, an unknowing
counselor may find their desire to discuss and discuss and discuss
again quite irritating, or even a sign of obsessive-compulsive
symptoms. Yet many gifted adults seem to make sense of their world and
to satisfy an important need through intense dialog. In
fact, many of them simply love to play with speech patterns, twists of
a phrase, and hidden meanings, or simply enjoy the sound of certain
words as they roll off the tongue. Because of this, many clients do
well to realize that at times they can be overwhelming to others and
may sometimes need to rely on themselves as their own best company. The
gifted client tends to interject all possibilities, analogies, and
images into the discussion—anything they deem relevant to the issue at
hand. Apologies for having so much to say is a sign of giftedness
because it points to the socialized shame so many gifted children and
adults internalize as they are repeatedly chastised for being too
talkative. Hearing
them out takes time and patience, a consideration so many of them have
been ill afforded. Sometimes when gifted clients encounter a
therapist's openness to their expressions they are so responsive that
they insist on over-staying the allotted time. This
is not simple rudeness, because for them this is a rare event. Besides,
in their experience there is hardly ever enough time for in-depth
discussion or heated debate. Fortunately,
most clients respond respectfully to gentle reminders about scheduling
parameters. The therapist may also uncover a resistance to being summed
up too quickly, which can be seen in a client’s tendency to rephrase
nearly everything the evaluator feeds back. Often
they feel the need to view things from a variety of angles and go
beyond the obvious to excavate answers that match their intellectual
strengths (Clark, 1992; Dover & Shore, 1991; Lewis, Kitano, &
Lynch, 1992). Though
wading through the deep mud of every issue may look like finicky
hair-splitting or a diversion tactic, such behavior is par for the
course with gifted people for two very important reasons: (1) their
thinking style is inherently original, complex, inclusive, and pliable,
which in turn makes them profoundly perceptive and attentive to every
detail; and (2) most of them have a history of being unfairly defined,
outlined, labeled, and circumscribed by others, especially authority
figures. It is
imperative that they be allowed an opportunity to explore and consider
their ideas and questions thoroughly enough so they feel the counselor
is working with them in concert. HIGH
ENERGY AND INTENSITY: It is helpful to look for signs of high
energy
that are often linked to intense curiosity and impassioned concern.
Often this is obvious from the outset if a client seems to be bubbling
over with feelings and ideas, as though he or she is electrified by
life. Gifted people can be easily misdiagnosed as hyperactive. Many of
them simply don’t sit still for long. Their
quick-mindedness and zeal allow them to change direction frequently.
And unflagging exuberance is normal for many of them. In fact, intense
involvement might be thought of as a need more than a trait because so
many things within their scope stimulate them and they have the
matching vitality to pursue their interests. Indeed,
when gifted traits of intensity and excitability are linked with a
sense of interconnectedness, vibrant imagination, and intellectual
strengths, the invaluable product is often humanitarian leadership
(Piechowski, 1991). When
gifted adults are fascinated with something, especially something new,
they tend to take on what interests them like a holy mission,
concentrating for exceptionally long periods of time with remarkable
perseverance (Clark, 1992; Lewis, Kitano, & Lynch, 1992; Lovecky,
1986). Vivaciousness
is a cue to look further to see if the client has multiple interests,
and has trouble finding the time to delve into all of them. Many will
complain about the dilemma of “so much to do, so little time”, as well
as having virtually no down time. They
may talk in ways that suggest they are easily bored, or daring
risk-takers who may have developed several careers. Some who are
particularly high on the need for stimulation have probably engaged in
high-risk ventures in the past. Rather
than a hastily concluding this is a matter of impetuosity, comfort with
risk and chance are often key pieces of the gifted achievement puzzle. VARIED
SCHOOL EXPERIENCES AND LEARNING STYLES: The interviewer needs to
take
care to not overlook a history bereft of outstanding academic or
artistic performance. For a
variety of reasons, straight-A report cards and scholarships to
Julliard are often missing from the backgrounds of even the most
intelligent adults, and should not be considered the sole criteria for
being identified as gifted. Rather
than evoking feelings of shame in those who did not fare well in
school, an impartial line of inquiry might be more fruitful: “How was
school for you? Did you feel at home there with the learning style? Did
you have to work hard to do your best? Were you bored? What about
school fit for you and what did not? Did
anyone ever complain that you were so smart that you should have done
better?” Such questions may elicit the genuine experience of gifted
underachievers (Whitmore, 1980), as well as those who may have slipped
through the cracks of the education system where their differences were
interpreted as wrong-headedness. It is
helpful to bear in mind that many gifted children develop their own
learning methods that do not always fit the mold of traditional
education (Roeper, 1991) which may explain educational discontinuity or
fears of re-engaging in formal education as adults. ASYNCHRONOUS
DEVELOPMENT: It is useful to listen for pangs of frustration
that
accompanied asynchronous development (Columbus Group, 1991) wherein the
gifted child could envision what she or he wanted to create—e.g., a
song on the piano, a three-dimensional drawing, an invention—long
before the skills were in place to produce it. Gifted
adults remember feeling like failures because of the lag time between
idea and competence. Their growth patterns are often laced with a deep
sense of defeat because of this gap, especially if it was never
explained to them. For
many it was profoundly frustrating when their imaginations seemed to be
light years ahead of their developing hands and linguistic expertise
(Kerr, 1991; Silverman, 1991; Tolan, 1994; Webb & Kleine, 1993). EXCEPTIONALLY
HIGH STANDARDS: Early “want to” vs. “can’t” experiences can take
an
enormous toll on self-confidence, especially when they are looked upon
from the perspective of exceptionally high standards. What
is so often touted as unreasonable perfectionism is a life-long issue
for the gifted and a topic that should be broached carefully. For the
gifted, what is good is rarely good enough, which can be observed when
a client discloses chronic problems sustaining feelings of
satisfaction. They
may report feeling unsettled, having a sense of urgency, or feeling
pressured to always reach farther and accomplish more (Clark, 1992;
Frost, Martin, Lahart, & Rosenblate, 1990; Rocamora, 1992;
Silverman & Conarton, 1993). Perfectionism
is often something gifted people have learned to dislike about
themselves, sometimes openly vilifying their “nit-picky” ways. Yet at
their very core, many gifted people are visionaries who do indeed have
the capacity to turn pipe dreams in to concrete innovations—they can
and often must hold out for the ideal. Perfectionistic
tendencies are often a good place to begin to reframe and normalize
traits of giftedness that have over and again been labeled exorbitant,
if not downright crazy. Rather
than seeing their impatience with the
status quo and intolerance for mundane activities as grandiosity or
naivete, it can be approached from the perspective of striving for
excellence. What
looks like a neurotic obsessive-compulsive trait may instead be the
manifestation of the Herculean work and perseverance inherent in the
process of self-actualization (Maslow, 1970). Any long-term dedication
toward perfecting one’s work product is replete with setbacks and
disappointments. No
matter how talented the individual, we must remember the maze of
difficulties one encounters when attempting to translate visionary
ideas into something meaningful and real. Gifted adults with
exceptionally high standards are naturally unsatisfied at various
stages along the way toward their goals. In
large part, the attainment of excellence depends on staying the course
when others might throw their hands in the air in frustration and call
it a day by announcing that what they have at the moment is "good
enough." It is
essential that the counselor be cognizant of findings
that indicate there is quite a distinction between unhealthy and
healthy forms of perfectionism, the latter being present in many gifted
individuals. In
fact, fulfillment and pleasure may well be linked to painstaking effort
and unconstrained use of one's gifted abilities (Hamachek, 1978; Frost,
Martin, Lahart, & Rosenblate, 1990; Jacobsen, 1996; Parker &
Adkins, 1995). Counselors
can support the tremendous efforts needed to excel and to bring about
breakthrough changes in the world by encouraging their gifted clients
to find joy in the process and to maintain balance in their busy lives.
EXTRA-SENSITIVITY
AND AROUSAL: I find one of the most interesting, and often
overlooked
qualities of giftedness to be the trait of sensory sensitivity. Correlations
between giftedness and biology are theoretically sound,
and brain research related to giftedness has provided us with
substantial empirical validation in this regard (Eysenck & Barrett,
1993). Many
gifted adults describe their nervous systems in terms of a built-in
antenna device that seems to reach as high as radar and as deep as
sonar. Some report experiences of being tremendously absorbent, taking
in life experiences through their pores like a sponge. It
appears that highly gifted adults may be more finely tuned in to the
subtleties of life and more easily aroused than others around them.
Their attention is drawn to stimuli others seem to ignore, which begins
to explain why a highly gifted person might appear fidgety or edgy,
adjusting and readjusting the thermostat, a sweater, or couch pillow. This
kind of ultra-awareness can be a valuable contributing factor to their
qualitatively different experience of life in terms of heightened tone
and color and meaning, not simply thin-skinned peevishness. Yet the
same sensory alertness can render the gifted more vulnerable and
uneasy, and may result in stimulation overload. The
pressure to respond to the slightest shift in barometric pressure, a
bright light or loud noise, a pungent aroma, commotion or emotional
upheaval, or tiny blips in the way their body is working, can make the
life of a gifted adult a rich tapestry of experience. It can
also wear them out. When they hold their ears in an action movie it's
because they truly hurt. When they squint at the sight of an oncoming
car it is because their eyes need to be protected. When they repeatedly
fiddle with the thermostat it is because it’s really hard for them to
regulate the temperature and air quality so they’re comfortable. When
they seem upset just sitting in a group of disgruntled strangers it is
because they tend to take on the emotional overtones in the room.
Perhaps it is fair to say highly sensitive gifted adults are
legitimately bothered by things that others simply overlook. This
particular trait is one the prepared counselor can explore while
validating the client’s experiences of stimulation overload, then
offering suggestions for self-regulation. Gifted adults whose systems
operate at these heights often need help finding ways to protect
themselves from sensory and emotional exhaustion. A
large number of them, no matter how proficient at collaboration and
social interaction, prefer to work and be alone at least some of the
time. Many
need regular periods of solitude for self-repair, reflection,
transpersonal meditation, and idea-building, which is especially true
for those who are more introverted and regain their energy by going
inside themselves. INDEPENDENCE
AND PERCEPTIVITY: Gifted people are inclined to display a strong
need
for autonomy (Post, 1988; Roeper, 1991). Yet this trait must not be
confused with arrogance or unsociability. Within
the histories of many gifted people one often hears stories of
head-butting with teachers, authority figures, and less-able
supervisors. Sometimes gifted adults shun valuable input from others
and go it alone too much of the time. Once
trust is built the therapist can help the client understand that being
strong-minded and headstrong are not the same thing. Perceptivity is
often associated with issues of unfairness, a topic that tends to bring
on outrage in many gifted individuals. Intense
reactions to inequity and cruelty are normal for gifted individuals
with exceptional perceptivity. However, to the untrained eye, the
concerns of gifted people can easily look like melodrama. Their
intolerance of falsehood, hidden agendas, the subtleties of oppression,
overt injustice, and even politically-correct social graces can seem
overdone. Moreover,
their moral fiber is apt to develop early, often well before they are
in a position to do anything about their deep concerns, which renders
them vulnerable to extreme frustrations as well as criticism. They
may carry a sense of being commissioned as a one-person militia without
any way to impact the things around them they deem wrong or unjust.
Indeed, many gifted adults are at risk for recurrent bouts of
existential depression because they can be overwhelmed by the problems
of the world. Silently
wrestling with feelings of being in some way responsible to fix the
world, gifted people can be chronically conflicted about their work and
blame themselves for being weak of inept. DRIVEN
GOAL-ORIENTATION: Another trait that earmarks giftedness is
unusual
drive and perseverance, especially when aimed at a meaningful goal. In
many ways drive seems to synthesize the gifted adult’s commitment to
the ideal, high energy, achievement needs, curiosity, and independence.
Whether
or not a client is achieving up to potential, it is helpful to inquire
about an inner sense of purpose or a nebulous plea to contribute
something of consequence. Oftentimes the client reveals a feeling of
being tugged toward an unclear legacy or to advocate for change, as
though it were a call to duty. Gifted
people seem to be designed with an extraordinary goal-orientation, or
entelechy (from the Greek entelekheia, meaning a vital force urging one
toward self-actualization). This trait is evident in self-starting
effort, tremendous perseverance, and steadfast, internally-produced
motivation (Lovecky, 1986). Goal-oriented
gifted adults are not usually lost in lofty ideas that have no chance
of coming to fruition. Nor are they generally an unsatisfiable lot.
Most merely operate with an enormous capacity for doing more than
others, and doing it well. Over the lifespan many of them develop
expertise in several fields, as well as in hobbies, the arts, community
enterprises, and sports. Because
it is an affront to their inherent nature, it is generally
inappropriate to simply implore them to tone down, take it easy, or
learn to leave well-enough alone. Those
who are multiply-talented may need help in finding creative ways to
stay centered as they traverse the sweeping limits of their interest
web, strategies that do not aim to diminish the breadth and depth of
their lives. CHRONICALLY
MISUNDERSTOOD: Concerns about the socialization and social
adjustment
of the gifted have received a great deal of attention for decades
(Silverman, 1993). Contrary to stereotyped beliefs, large numbers of
gifted adults are charismatic, popular, socially adept people who are
known as extraordinary leaders and valued friends. However,
many also share a history of chronic feelings of loneliness. Counselors
in particular need to be careful not to perpetuate common stereotypes. A
client’s vivaciousness and striking good-looks do not automatically
cancel out potential giftedness. Nor does an expression of happiness
and reports of fulfilling relationships. Despite
evidence of relationship strengths, it is important to peruse the
client’s feelings of loneliness and isolation (Clark, 1992; Dabrowski,
1972; Lewis, Kitano, & Lynch, 1992). Yet
many gifted adults are not popular, have few friends, and struggle to
gain a sense of belonging (Roeper, 1991). Loneliness can be a recurring
problem that diminish the well-being of gifted individuals. When it is
difficult to find true peers, relating to others whose interests are
different and with whom personal style or values clash, can be far from
fulfilling. For
many it can be helpful to participate in a supportive
psycho-educational group for gifted/talented adults, or to deeply
develop at least one trustworthy friendship. Clients
often appreciate suggestions on how they might create new connections
with gifted others, mentoring opportunities with gifted youth,
leadership or inspirational roles, and transpersonal ways to maintain a
sense of universal kinship and belonging. SELF-DOUBT:
When gifted adults seek professional counseling, many are already
accomplished, though they may give themselves little credit. Indeed,
though others may consider them extraordinary success stories, many
times they secretly feel like failures—"I haven’t done enough, gone far
enough, soon enough." This
is particularly problematic for gifted women who often think of
themselves as impostors or frauds, believing it is the proverbial
others who are truly intelligent or talented (Bell, 1990). These
talented women are prone to over-qualify their statements and to give
away their hard-earned claims to fame. Even in the face of clear-cut
evidence of achievement and proficiency, many gifted women continue to
discount and minimize their abilities. It is
essential that counselors working with gifted women be apprised of the
impact that sex-role expectations have had on them, and that they may
be disposed to internalize such experiences and underestimate their
worth in a male-dominated world (Bell, 1990). Also,
a giant leap toward self-belief can be founded in explorations of how
women define success, inclusive of relationship success (Silverman,
1995). I find that many of my gifted clients—men and women
alike—improve their sense of self by reading outside of therapy a few
journal articles about gifted adults in general and gifted women
specifically. IMPOSED
SELF-SUFFICIENCY: A related part of the giftedness conundrum is
a
widespread impression that gifted individuals have it all, that because
of their exceptional abilities they are automatically equipped to
succeed, no matter what the circumstance. In
addition to the differences that set them apart, the notion that gifted
people thrive easily and of their own volition only adds to their sense
of navigating life as a minority of one, dispossessed of the right to
elicit help. All of
these traits come in a wide array of individual packages. We must take
care not to pigeonhole and condense the gifted into a single type any
more than has already been done. I find
that even though they share certain traits and life experiences, the
gifted are as extraordinary in their individual expressions of self as
they are in their abilities. This
is why, as in all good counseling, each treatment plan and situation
must be individualized and handled with care. Although
many of the preceding recommendations and suggestions that follow may
also be appropriate for therapy clients in general, I believe they are
key to counseling gifted adults for these reasons: (1) many gifted
adults have lost touch with their true selves and have no other setting
in which to recover and honor their differences; (2) gifted adults
often crave an experience of being valued in their personhood, not
simply for their creative products; (3) it is helpful for gifted adults
to have an anchor person to whom they can turn for reassurance. Without
any other frame of reference, living within a culture that tends to be
suspicious and critical of gifted traits can seriously impair the
gifted adult's quality of life; and (4) the role of the counselor in
shoring up the gifted—rather than protecting them—is necessary because
the desire to self-actualize, to live out the promise of high
potential, can be precarious, painful, and lonely (Silverman, 1993).  Contact Dr. Mary-Elaine Jacobsen about individualized phone consultations on being gifted at mjacobsen@isgaa.org ~ ~ ~ Related Talent
Development
Resources pages : GT
Adults blog - gifted/talented/high ability Hiding/silencing abilities & talents Intensity / sensitivity resources : articles sites books Introversion /
shyness. ~ ~ ~
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