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Emotional
Sensitivity
by Vicky Moyle Gifted
individuals are about as diverse a group as any you could hope to meet.
And, while few can agree on a black-and-white definition for
giftedness, one characteristic of the population that has some global
acceptance is emotional sensitivity. It is
a feature of personality that often plays havoc with the ability to
live easily in the world. That ‘world’ for our children has two main
environments: the home and school. And,
while I wouldn’t begin to pretend that emotional sensitivity is not
without its trials and tribulations at home, it is in the school
environment where children seem to have the most difficulty. And,
traditionally, emotions are left out of most adult public discourse.
So, too, emotions are often left outside the front door of the school —
or they are hidden, disregarded, or outright denied within it. There
are instinctual emotions such as anger, lust, revenge, fear, and rage
that are often destructive and reactive. But the pre-frontal cortex of
the brain can also temper our emotions, and those have very different
motivations and functions. Emotions
can be mediated by our intelligence and fuel our higher value system to
generate qualities of compassion, empathy, justice, generosity, and
humility. Gifted children have been known to exhibit high levels of
moral development, fueled by deep and complex emotions, but they are
often misunderstood. The
opportunity to express those profound feelings that result in exemplary
human activity is not often encouraged in school settings. Judgments
from others follow closely on the heels of witnessing an emotional
display — even if it is not dramatic. Labels of effeminate or
histrionic tendencies are hard to dispel, and what gets labeled often
gets marginalized. A
thwarted ability to integrate can make the child can feel empty and
denied, and sometimes angry. Sometimes
the masking is motivated by self-protection, to save one from ridicule.
But sometimes a gifted child may mask his emotions to protect others. This
compassion for others can be even more problematic because it results
in the child denying his own self, and thus exacerbates a feeling of
devastating separateness. Even
if you as a parent are discouraged or angry about the wisdom of events
at school, try to express your feelings and opinions constructively.
Try not to speak disparagingly or sarcastically about individuals. Try to
empower your child by helping him to look for some way to act
respectfully, but not to abandon his deep feelings. If an injustice is
severe enough, and he feels as though he has to make a stand, support
his decision — but don’t try to rescue him from the consequences of his
actions. Help
to model fierce stewardship — by instilling a feeling of responsibility
for one’s own gifts and value system. We can’t coddle our children if
we truly want them to rise to their potential, but our children’s
sensitivity is crucial for their capacity to act ethically and
passionately — and to fully realize their gifts. Sensitivity
must have protection, a place for expression, and reciprocity. Our
gifted children have to learn how to confront the challenges to ethical
behavior that exist everywhere. They must have practice being effective
in the face of the immense obstacles. Make
sure they have safe, unstructured time. Talking about feelings is not
the same as having unconditional acceptance and freedom to feel them. It is
only then that they can learn how to appropriately choose to express
them. There is deep validation to be had in experiencing feelings of
exquisite connection and numinosity, and such experiences increase
resiliency and purpose — two qualities that your children will need in
their lives ahead of them. Tips
for parents of intense children Article
published with kind permission of the author. related Talent Development Resources pages: Dabrowski / advanced development intensity
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sensitivity GT
Adults giftedness ~ ~ ~ |