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By Lesley Sword She is very neat and tidy, plans her day in detail and has a place for everything. She says that he is vague and often appears not “with it”. This struck a chord in me and has prompted me to share some observations from my own experience and from my work with gifted adolescents and adults. I have always been “vague”. All my life I have listened to my mother telling stories of how I always lost my coats, jumpers, school bags etc when I was young. My husband complained that “for someone so intelligent, how come I have to tell you things so many times?” At a recent course I listened intently to the teacher explaining the group task, only to join my group and say ”what was it he told us to do?” I carry a neat umbrella in my briefcase and yet can often be seen walking in the rain. Why? Because I know that if I use it I will lose it! I used to think that I would “grow out of it” but I am nearly 60 now and it hasn’t happened yet! If you are the parent or teacher of a gifted child, does this sound familiar? Are you frustrated beyond belief by an extremely intelligent child who has difficulty with the practical things of life and who often seems to be somewhere else? Have you ever wondered what is going on with these children? It seems that vagueness is associated with extremely high intelligence and an introverted personality type. For people who have an introverted way of operating, the world inside their heads is often more interesting than the world outside. This is particularly so if they have very high intelligence. The complexity of thought associated with high intelligence means that once an idea occurs to me or if a problem presents itself, I will play around with it in my head, making connections, trying to figure it out. Often this process occurs unconsciously and I am not aware of it. It is not until the answer pops out that I realise that part of me has been inside working on it. Of course, if what is being presented to me in the outside world is not intellectually stimulating and therefore boring, I will withdraw, again often unconsciously, into my head and provide my own intellectual challenge. Also I am inclined to concentrate on or put effort into only those things that I decide are important. And what is going on in my head is always interesting and important to me! Introversion is positively correlated with intelligence so that, as the intellectual level increases, so does the probability that a person will have an introverted personality type. Introverts process the world and what is happening in it through themselves and their own experience. This is rather like having a large three dimensional theoretical framework of who I am and my relationships with the outside world in my head. Everything I experience in the world outside myself is taken in and compared and contrasted with what I already know and have experienced. If new knowledge has a logical and meaningful place in my theoretical framework I slot it in. If it doesn’t, I play around intellectually with it and my framework; adjusting or altering both the experience and the framework itself to make the experience meaningful to me and to preserve the integrity of my framework. This way of operating necessitates withdrawal from the world into myself for however long the process takes. While the process is occurring I simply do not take in further information from the outside world. So I appear vague and "not with it" for a period of time. Of course, this behaviour is frustrating for people who have to interact with me. So, what can you as a parent or teacher do about it? The first thing is to realise that we don’t grow out of it. I have been vague all my life and I am still vague. However this hasn’t stopped me from working productively for over 40 years, completing many formal courses of study and running my own business. It is pointless to tell us to grow up, pull ourselves together or to exercise more self-control. If we could, we would. When you want our attention, touch us on the shoulder and ensure that we make eye contact with you before you speak to us. In this way we will actually listen to what you have said and not just hear the words. Teach us organisational skills, as habits, from a very early age. After all we have the intellectual capacity to handle this. An example is that I have trained myself always to put my car keys, sunglasses and purse in the same place at home to avoid driving myself and all the other people in the house crazy looking for them. Similarly, I prepare at night for the following day to ensure that I have everything I need for the day and to minimise forgetfulness. These behaviours are now habitual and I perform them without thinking about them. Let us learn from the consequences of out actions. This means, within the limits set by the responsible adults in our lives, allowing us to make our own decisions from an early age and then allowing us to experience the results of those decisions. Do not "rescue" us from the results of our vagueness. If we forget to pick up after ourselves, don't do it for us. If we go to class without something, don’t bring it to us. (This includes lunch) When the consequence of a decision has a direct negative impact on me, I learn very fast to do something different next time. Despite our vagueness, we are very intelligent people and it won't take long for us to learn that we are responsible for ourselves. Above all, understand that vagueness is usually an unconscious process and that we are not going out of our way to drive you mad. If it is important to you that we do (or not do) something, tell us so. Usually we are sensitive and caring people who will want to please. ~ ~ ~ Copyright 2002, Lesley Sword Properly attributed, this material may be freely reproduced and disseminated. Lesley Sword Telephone/fax: 1800 118 115 (freecall) 42 Northwood Road Email: enquiries@giftedservices.com.au Northwood, NSW 2066 Australia ~ ~ ~ related pages : intensity
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sensitivity GT
Adults giftedness ~ ~ ~ |
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