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Inside the Black Box:
How Your Internal Processes Create Your Life By Bill Harris, Centerpointe Research
Institute [Page
1/2] Does
life, for the most part, “just happen” to you? How much of what
happens in your life seems to be under your control? Are you creating
your life, or is it creating you? Though
you’re probably not aware of them, certain internal thinking
processes (what I call your Internal Map of Reality) generate
several key aspects of your life: 1) nearly all of your internal
feeling experiences, 2) your behaviors, and 3) the people and
situations you attract into your life, or become attracted to. Whether
your emotional states are positive or negative; whether your behavior
leads you to what you want, or what you don’t want; and whether you
attract people and situations that help you experience what you want,
or what you don’t want, everything begins with your Internal Map of
Reality. It’s
the software that creates your life—though unlike most software, you
can rewrite the code whenever you need a different result. In
doing so, you can create whatever you want in life. Yes, it often seems
as if what you feel, how you behave, and what happens to you is largely
driven by your external circumstances. However,
there is substantial evidence that almost everything you
experience begins with certain internal thinking
processes—processes you can learn to direct. If
you’re unaware of how your Internal Map of Reality works (most people
are), you’ll create your experience of life, to a large degree,
automatically, as if on autopilot. With a
little bit of practice, though, it’s possible to become aware of
these processes and learn to operate them intentionally. In
doing so you gain an amazing degree of control over what happens
in your life. In
fact, those few individuals who master their internal
processes, and use them intentionally, could be called true
Masters of Life. They
represent the tiny fraction of humanity who are able to intentionally
create whatever they want in their external world, as well as what
happens in their internal, feeling world. You
can be one of these people, regardless of your present or past
circumstances. There
is, of course, a price to pay to achieve such mastery, but paying it
can actually be enjoyable. And,
the rewards are huge.. A few
aspects of your Internal Map of Reality are inborn. Most, though, are
learned, and entirely under your control. Most
of how your Map of Reality was formed happened during childhood,
representing your best attempt to resourcefully deal with the unique
set of circumstances you faced in your family situation. Then,
as long as this Internal Map continues to operate, it automatically
shapes the rest of your life. You can, however, take that Map off
of autopilot and consciously and intentionally reshape it. And,
in doing so, you can take charge of your life. An
Internal Map of Reality can work well even if it is operating
automatically. A
positive childhood, with positive mentoring and the
protection of loving and supportive parents, leads to a positive and
resourceful Internal Map of Reality. If you
have such a Map, you will tend to focus on possibilities and find ways
to manifest them. You
will more often than not experience positive
emotions, and be more likely to behave in resourceful ways. You
will also more often attract or be attracted to people and situations
that will help you create the outcomes you want. A
less-than positive childhood, however, without such mentoring and
protection, and possibly with some amount of emotional trauma or abuse,
will lead to a much different Map of Reality, one that will
generate more negative results. If you
have such a Map, you will experience unpleasant emotions more often.
You will tend to behave in less-than resourceful ways. And
you will attract, or be attracted to, people and situations that will
quite often help you create negative results and outcomes. Your
Map of Reality could be at one of these extremes, or somewhere in
the middle. The range of possibilities, and the exact details of each
Map, is unlimited. Whatever
your Internal Map of Reality, though, it will generate your results in
life. An
unhealthy Map of Reality will tend to focus on how to be safe in what
seems to be a dangerous world. If you have such a Map, much of
your attention will be directed toward avoiding danger, whether
physical or emotional. Positive
possibilities will seem less real, or non-existent. You will feel good
less often. You will generate more negative than positive emotions. You
will behave in a less resourceful manner. Ironically,
you will often attract the very dangers you seek to avoid. A
HAPPY CHILDHOOD ISN’T
ENOUGH
Obviously
a positive childhood is preferable to a negative one. But whether
positive or negative, there is an even more important
distinction we could make about your Internal Map of
Reality: whether you are consciously aware of how it
operates and how it creates your life, and are able to
operate it intentionally, or whether it operates
automatically, outside of your awareness. If you
are
unaware of how your Internal Map creates your results and
experience of life, you won’t see and therefore will be unable to
take advantage of an almost unlimited number of additional
choices — choices that could be used to create different
(and potentially better) results. Even
if your Map of
Reality is generally positive, you will still be operating
within a narrow range of possibilities. Though
better off
than a person with an unhealthy Map of Reality, you’re
still exercising only a fraction of your potential. There
are,
then, two potential challenges to creating a resourceful
and fulfilling life. The
first is an unhealthy Map of
Reality, created by a dysfunctional childhood. The
second
is a lack of awareness of how that Map automatically
creates your life. Luckily, because Internal Maps can be
changed, both problems are solvable. If you
are willing to
put forth a certain amount of effort, you can become aware
of how your Internal Map works, and learn to operate it consciously and
intentionally. This
allows you to take charge of
three key aspects of your life: how you feel in each
moment, how you behave, and the people and situations you
attract or are attracted to. When
you learn to
operate your Internal Map intentionally, your feeling life
changes. Instead
of reacting to whatever happens around
you, you can decide to experience happiness, inner peace,
motivation, enthusiasm, compassion, imagination, focus,
persistence, insight, love—or any other emotion or feeling
state. One
aspect of your Internal Map of Reality are what cognitive psychologists
call strategies. Strategies
are certain
combinations of internal representations (a fancy name for
thoughts) that lead to the feeling states (and, also, the
behaviors) you experience in each moment. Right
now, it’s
very likely that your cognitive strategies are running along
automatically—which means they are creating your feeling
states automatically. You
can, however, learn to operate
them intentionally and, in doing so, decide how to feel in
any moment. If
you’re like most people, it can seem as if
emotions “just happen”, that they suddenly come over you,
completely unbidden and out of the blue. Or,
that feelings are
caused by whatever is happening around you. Someone cuts in
front of you on the freeway, and you feel angry, or scared. Despite
appearances, though, your Internal Map of Reality is
the real source of your feelings. External
circumstances
provide a trigger, but it’s what you do with that trigger
that determines your emotional response. When
you direct
your attention unconsciously and automatically (based on
how your Internal Map was pre-set during childhood), you have
little if any control over your emotional responses. Instead,
you experience certain pre-programmed feeling states over
and over, automatically. No
wonder it seems as if your
feelings come unbidden, or that they are caused by external
circumstances. When
you learn to operate your Internal Map
consciously and intentionally, though, you can choose your
emotional response, regardless of circumstances. Second,
learning
to operate your Internal Map of Reality consciously and
intentionally allows you to take control of your behavior, to act
in purposeful ways that lead to the outcomes you want. Actions
begin in the mind, and when your internal processes
are intentional, your actions will also be intentional. Intentional
actions then lead to intentional results. Even
when actions don’t turn out the way you hoped, your
intentional and conscious control over your Internal Map allows
you to turn challenges and obstacles, and what looks like
failure (as the cliché says), into opportunities. Not
all actions begin with a thought. (Some
actions—some fear
responses, for instance—are generated by more primitive parts of the
brain, and are more properly described as reactions because the
behavior happens a millisecond before our cognitive response to it, and
is therefore not under voluntary control.) Most
purposeful
action, however, does begin with a thought, with a focusing of
attention. You
get up from your chair to answer the door
because the doorbell focused your attention in a certain
way, which generated certain thoughts (and possibly certain
feelings), which then generated your behavior. How
you
focused your attention created an internal state (motivation)
that led to action. When focusing is automatic, the
behaviors generated will obviously also be automatic. On the
other hand, the more intentionally and consciously you use
your Internal Map, the more likely you’ll generate
resourceful, intentional behaviors. Finally,
your Internal Map
of Reality drives a third key aspect of how you create your
life—the people and situations you attract or are attracted
to. With
an Internal Map operating automatically, in a
certain way, you will notice and become attracted to certain
people and situations. Set it
up in another way, and the
cast of characters and situations will change. If you
can learn to change your Internal Map depending on the outcome you
want (instead of just putting up with the pre-set outcomes
you automatically generate with an unconscious Map of Reality), you can
intentionally attract the people and situations
you need or want in order to accomplish your objective—whether it’s a
feeling, a behavior, or a particular
outcome in the world. Your
Internal Map of Reality generates certain verbal and non-verbal cues. These
cues cause
others to notice (or fail to notice) you, or to become
attracted (or not be attracted) to you. Based
on these cues,
people are led to become involved with you in some way, or
to not notice you at all. In
many ways, life consists of a
complex matrix of cues, some we send out and others we receive,
all regulated by our Internal Map of Reality. In a
similar way, you notice and become attracted to other people
or to certain situations, based on how they mesh with what
your Internal Map of Reality has been pre-set to create. It’s
as if our Internal Map of Reality has a
script, and it finds the characters and situations you need
in order to create that script in reality. The
script could
be a drama, a comedy, a tragedy, or a success story. Your
life, however, does not need to be script-driven. You can step
outside the world of automatic, scripted outcomes.
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