by Jack Elias

In the same way that prayer is the flip side of worry (see my ezine article Dealing with Emotional Extremes) living by intention is the flip side of living up to expectations.

And just as prayer nurtures and empowers while worry ennervates, living by intention strengthens and enlivens, while living up to expectations perpetuates cycles of hope, fear and stress and bewilderment.

A client recently complained of stress and feeling that there was nothing he cared about. I asked him what he would do if he was financially free.

He immediately said, "Play golf all over the world." When I asked him why he wasn't pursuing this dream he said, "Too many expectations."

I asked, "Whose expectations of what?" He said, " My own." But it became clear that what he thought of as his own expectations were really fears of what others would think of him.

When he realized that what he thought of as his internal standards were really fears of being judged by others, he began to release them.

He was then able to begin planning a life that included golf trips instead of yearning for a 'forbidden fruit' unattainable because of required expectations.

Expectations that block us in this way always come from outside us, even those we think of as our own. This is why expectations create stress, struggle, fear and disappointment.

Set an intention (a daily intention, preferably when you first awaken) to notice something you feel grateful for, say, to appreciate your own health and your good qualities or to remember specific things you do that benefit yourself and others.

This is a healing practice. Do it often, just for a moment, throughout your day.

If you take a few minutes first thing in the morning when you wake up, to set this intention and to visualize and sense yourself practicing it through the day, you'll quickly find that living by intention nourishes your soul.

I often have helped clients in the midst of an experience of anxiety or despair identify and focus on something for which they feel grateful. To their astonishment, the seemingly intractable negative emotions dramatically and effortlessly disappear, replaced by an ease and lightness.

A true intention is an inspiration that comes from your True Self -- a natural impulse to share life with all that lives. True intentions heighten your enthusiasm for the sheer joy of living, and free you from the fear of not measuring up to some standard(what others think).

You can think of the practice of intention as a simple mental shift, like the shift from worry to prayer. When you catch yourself living under the burden of an expectation, shift to a life-affirming intention that comes from your heart.

Instead of saying to yourself, "I have to . . ." say, "I want to . . ." in order to affirm your genuine desire -- your true intention. Doing this, you will quite naturally begin to recognize the difference between your genuine desires to live fully and your false desires to fulfill expectations.

In this way, expectations will stop blocking you, and you will find ways to incorporate interests that enthuse you into your life.

May each day of your life flow from the True Intention of your Spirit! I hope you enjoy this holiday season and find ever more meaningful ways to connect with Peace, Joy, and Gratitude.

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Jack Elias is author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnotherapy / NLP

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