by Clay Tucker-Ladd, PhD

Alfred Adler, a student of Freud's between 1900 and 1910, had been a sick (rickets and pneumonia) and weak child. He had seen a younger brother die and been close to death himself several times. He overcame his fears, became a model youth, and went to medical school.

His early medical practice was in a poor area that included a circus. He found that many of his patients were strong and skilled circus performers who had overcome and over-compensated for some physical weakness. It is understandable that Adler gave the concept of "inferiority complex" to the world (Monte, 1980).

Children see their parents as powerful and able. In comparison, they feel weak and inferior. Life becomes a struggle to make up for our frailties and to put up a front of strength and superiority which will hide our feelings of inadequacy.

Adler came to believe that all people yearn for mastery and perfection. We all struggle to find our place and adapt better and better to the world. He saw this striving to overcome inferiority as humans' basic drive; he saw humans as basically good, in contrast to Freud.

As mentioned in the theories sections of the last chapter and this one, certain parenting practices may cause excessive feelings of inferiority: over-critical, over-demanding, over-protective, over-controlling and probably others.

Anyone with a negative self-concept based on these childhood experiences needs to start afresh honestly re-evaluating themselves. Professional help should be considered.

Traumatized Without External Trauma

An impressive series of studies on mastery-oriented thinking has been done by Carol Dweck (2000).

Her focus has been on achievement but her findings are relevant to depression and coping with crises. She emphasized that a crucially important distinction in any situation exists between hopeless thinking and mastery thinking--between believing that when I fail or things go wrong that means I lack the ability ("I'm not smart enough") and believing when I fail, "Hey, I have more to learn" or "I have to get smarter, do it a different way or try harder."

This latter healthy optimistic attitude leads to intrigue with exploring the world, taking on difficult tasks, and achieving well... coping.

Dweck's findings lead her to explore the early childhood sources of hopeless thinking or mastery thinking. She found that over one-third of children show signs of helplessness--self-blame, frustration, sadness, giving up, losing interest--when they fail or are criticized, when things go wrong.

In the preschool years, children are not concerned yet about being intelligent or dumb, they are concerned with being good or bad. (Slightly older children become concerned with being smart or dumb.) Therefore, when kindergartners who showed the signs of helplessness failed, they felt they were bad.

And they thought badness was a stable trait--"that's the way I am." However, when kindergartners with a mastery-orientation failed, they simply assumed they were still good but needed to do something differently--they thought their intelligence or coping ability was changeable!

Through several experiments, it was shown that judgmental criticism of the child increased his/her helpless attitude and negative self-appraisal, including deeply feeling unworthy or bad.

Neglect and criticism are the classic sources of a low self-concept. However, critical feedback that included suggesting trying a new approach or exerting more effort produced a mastery-oriented reaction, not self-criticism.

Now, what about praise? If negative judgmental criticism harms, does praise build confidence and mastery?

Well, usually but sometimes not.

Why not? Because statements like "Oh, you do that really well--that's good" or "You learned that quickly--you must be really smart" imply to the child that his/her basic qualities can be inferred from their performance.

Therefore, when a child who has learned to think this way fails, one obvious possible conclusion he/she might draw is "I'm no good" or "I'm stupid," even though the person giving the feedback had not said anything like that.

I consider this an important finding. Praise worded somewhat differently, e.g. that says "you did really well, you must have tried very hard," did not result in helpless thinking or in "I'm dumb--that's the way it is" preoccupation when they later experienced a failure. Praise that attributed success to effort or a good strategy led to optimistic mastery-thinking.

We clinical psychologists are prone to assume that a child with a self-degrading, self-hating, defeatist attitude lived in a neglectful or psychologically destructive early environment.

Often that is true. But this research provides evidence that negative self-concepts can come from simple mis-interpretations of genuine compliments by a 5-year-old.

It seems incredible that such mis-interpretations ("failure means I am bad") repeated perhaps thousands of times might lead to a suicidal teenager or a self-injuring 25-year-old.

But, in some cases, our minds may actually develop in what, at the time, seem to be accidental or capricious--unpredictable--ways. Yet, one can understand how negative, self-destructive thinking can arise from a child's misunderstanding and without any abuse.

At this stage of our knowledge, Dweck and Sorich (1999) wisely caution against labeling children "very intelligent" or "really gifted."

Further supporting this caution, they found that children praised for their intelligence became so invested in looking smart that 40% lied about their scores to "look good."

And, at the same time, the intelligence-praised kids started selecting tasks that made them look smart and avoiding tasks that afforded more challenge and more learning opportunities (which effort-praised children selected).

Self-confidence seems to rest on the belief that "I can do better by trying harder" which is built on praise and appreciation of effort and problem-solving strategy.

Thus, mastery-thinkers focus on how to accomplish some goal, how to use their skills, increase their abilities, sustain their efforts in spite of setbacks.

I-want-to-look-smart thinkers focus mainly on polishing their image. Hopeless-thinkers re-live how awful the failure/crisis has been without carefully considering possible solutions.

In summary, through no fault of their own, some people in childhood learn to emphasize the awfulness of the problem and/or their own badness, while others optimistically increase their efforts to solve a problem when things go wrong and/or put it behind them. If the self-defeating attitudes are learned, they surely be unlearned.

Freud spoke of the "success neuroses" consisting of four motives: a need to achieve, a fear of success, a fear of failure, and a desire to fail.

The fear of failure can cause us to be nervous (and not do well) or to give up; it can also cause us to work very hard, just like the need to achieve. You may doubt that there is a fear of success and a desire to fail.

Some women report feeling reluctant to beat males at tennis or to appear too smart. Supposedly men's egos are fragile; they are thought to dislike losing to women.

Tresemer (1974) found about 50% of both men and women exhibited negative feelings toward achievement--or assumed other people had such feelings.

As you can see, the fear of success and the desire to fail get all confused with (a) opposition to the traditional pressure to succeed and (b) reluctance to accept additional responsibilities following success.

Clinicians frequently see people who have an acceptable record in school or on the job and are ready to graduate or be promoted but then they mess it up or drop out.

Karl Menninger (1956) wrote a book, Man Against Himself, about such self-defeating behavior. Cudney (1981) suggests that self-defeating behavior is caused by our reluctance to face reality.

By failing (while pretending to be trying to succeed) we deny our responsibility for what is happening. That way our goof-ups can continue but "they aren't my fault."

If you are working on a task you really don't want to do (e.g. a college major that was pushed on you by a parent), it seems plausible that your resentment might result in your failing.

Failure can serve other purposes: keep you dependent, get sympathy, frustrate or disappoint others, and confirm your belief that you aren't any good at ______.

Because we try to hide our self-doubts, it is not easy to tell what others feel or even what we feel. Indeed, feelings of adequacy and inadequacy may co-exist or change frequently.

Gilmer (1975) lists six signs of inferiority: (1) over-reaction to criticism, (2) tendency to feel criticized, (3) avoidance of others, (4) an excessively positive response to flattery, (5) inability to lose graciously, and (6) urges to put down others. Perhaps these will help you identify your feeling more clearly.

A hallmark of depression is pessimism and self-criticism. If you expect to fail, that increases the chances you will fail or not even try.

But the depressed person's self-appraisals are frequently too low. They were found in one study of problem-solving ability (dealing with interpersonal, intrapersonal, and emotional problems) to be more capable than they think they are and just as capable as nondepressed people (Blankstein, Flett, & Johnston, 1992).

So, honestly testing their abilities may remove unhealthy doubts.

Feeling good about yourself, i.e. having self-esteem, one might guess would be associated with being happy. That's true but it may not be that simple.

Moreover, measures of self-esteem and happiness tend to be rather stable over a life time, suggesting self-concept changes are often hard and take time.

We don't understand that thoroughly. To change self-esteem one may need truly major life changes -- long lasting success or failure -- and/or demanding self-help efforts (see chapter 14).

Research suggests that feelings about yourself are more easily changed in childhood or in late-middle and old age. Adolescents, young adults, and middle aged people may find it harder to change their self-concept.

However, children and young teens who experience a serious traumatic emotional distress may blame themselves for failures, fear more failures, and doubt themselves socially (but not necessarily academically).

Some theories suggest that people who are chronic self-doubters tend to be more materialistic, supposedly to prove their self-worth.

It is commonly believed by professionals and lay persons that low self-esteem causes many problems, such as difficulty with school work, marital problems, abusive parenting, crime, drinking and drug abuse.

For instance, Sandra Murray at the University of Buffalo has published articles showing that marriage partners with low self-esteem sabotage their marriage by thinking their partners love them less than they really do.

The insecure partner expects to be neglected or criticized but before a slight or imagined rejection actually happens they attack the partner who, in turn, strikes back later with "you are so irritable, so insecure, so needy."

There is certainly some evidence (and logic) that high self-esteem contributes to happiness and low self-esteem is related to suicide attempts, eating disorders, teen pregnancy, and other problems.

However, all these connections (and other similar conjectures) have not been proven to always be true.

Indeed, there are also people who believe that thinking too highly of one's self leads to problems, such as angry responses when criticized, lack of motivation, violence, and racial-ethnic attitudes.

And, in a positive direction, doubting one's abilities may have resulted in many people working very hard and doing well in school or on a job. As usual, internal dynamics are complex.

Other psychologists contend that some people are racists or violent or tax evaders because they don't feel bad or guilty enough to stop such behavior, not because they feel deep down very negative about themselves and project that self-hatred on to others.

Thus, a therapist might attempt to focus on self-control instead of self-esteem, including increasing the patient's awareness of his/her hurtful behavior in the past rather than thinking "I'm OK" or "I'm a good person."

Awareness of our negative traits might also be beneficial, e.g. recognizing one's excessive need for social status or for an ego boost through material possessions, dominance, good looks, clothes, good grades, approval of friends or family, etc. These insights could help us avoid being unnecessarily self-centered.

Some writers (Nanka, 2002) describe a related attitude -- I-am-always-right or Everyone-should-agree-with-me. Perhaps these arrogant behaviors or feelings spring from underlying fears of being wrong, feelings of inferiority, from a desire to be superior or from some other dynamic.

Regardless of the source, these dominant personalities get irritated and critical when others disagree with them. They may become self-righteous. People wanting to be right and in control seek a closed system which will keep out the different ideas of other people.

Others in such a system, however, are likely to feel controlled, frustrated and angry. When this occurs in a family or in a work group, people become unhappy.

Note: an interesting research finding reports that authoritarian men with high testosterone avoid intimacy, are more aggressive, less happy, and have a divorce rate twice as high as men with less testosterone. Interesting -- but read on.

Other researchers (Taylor, Lerner, Sherman, Sage & McDowell, 2003) found that when self-enhancement (crowing about your good traits) is done modestly and tactfully, it is generally accepted.

It even results in good scores on measures of mental health and in good relations with others. So, quietly blowing your own horn and wanting to be right (and believing you are) seem to have very different impact on others.

Science hasn't clarified these subtle aspects of social life yet, but they will -- and in the mean time, I'll bet a skillful observer -- or an honest friend -- could tell you whether your self-enhancing comments are seen as positively or negatively by most others.

What other self-help techniques could be used against feelings of inferiority?

Level I (behavior): Do a behavioral analysis (method #9 in chapter 11) to find out what initiates and reinforces the negative thoughts or self-defeating behaviors or self-put-down comments.

For example, do you get attention? Do people rescue you? Do you avoid difficult tasks? Do you upset anyone? Develop more positive, adequate behaviors.

Level II (emotions): Since feelings of inadequacy become associated with specific situations, just as fears do, we can break those associations with desensitization.

That is, we can become more tolerant of our weaknesses (this may be our only choice if an actual inadequacy can't be overcome, such as a speech defect).

Or we could simply face our weakness, if it is remedial, and compensate--make up for--or over-compensate for it by becoming highly competent in our weak areas or some other area. This may not require any special skills, just lots of practice.

Level III (skills): The most straight-forward way of overcoming feelings of inadequacy is to be adequate! For most of us, that means acquiring new skills, especially if we want to become highly competent.

Example: if making conversations is hard for you, there are many skills that would be helpful, e.g. reading and learning various viewpoints about interesting topics of conversation, practicing in fantasy different ways of expressing those views, learning more about being persuasive, etc.

In some cases, it may be more practical to become highly competent in another area, not your weakness. For instance, the poor conversationalist could become an excellent writer and build his/her self-esteem in that way. Many ego-building skills are available in chapter 13.

Level IV (mental): Self-efficacy and confidence in changing behavior or fears were discussed in chapters 4 and 5. In this chapter, we refer repeatedly to feelings of helplessness which could be counteracted with faith in self-help (or an external source of help).

And, we have seen how Rational-Emotive and Cognitive therapies address the self-pity involved in "awfulizing" when things go wrong and you feel low. Building self-efficacy and a positive self-concept are dealt with by methods #1 & #9 in chapter 14.

There are several good popular books for increasing self acceptance; read some (Dyer, 1976; Ellis & Harper, 1975; Greenburg & Jacobs, 1976; Jampolsky, 1979, 1985; Newman & Berkowitz, 1974). Be sure to review methods #1, #3, and #4 in chapter 14.

Many people are saddened by their physical appearance, always wanting to look better; Cash (1995) offers practical advice specifically for the 35% of us who don't like our bodies.

Level V (unconscious): Like Sooty Sarah, it might help to understand the source of one's low self-appraisal, not so one can hate the source but so one can see that self-criticism is your choice and is not needed.

Driscoll (1982) gives several reasons for self-criticism: (l) to motivate ourselves to do better, (2) to keep ourselves humble, (3) to avoid doing something challenging, (4) to avoid disappointments, i.e. when you fear failure, (5) to discourage others from criticizing us, (6) to encourage others to admit their faults too, (7) to avoid responsibility--"don't expect much from me," (8) to imply we have superior standards by saying our behavior was beneath us, not reflective of our true abilities, (9) to get sympathy and reassurance, (10) to express other feelings indirectly, such as anger or guilt or a need to be in a subordinate position within the family.

It takes a keen, careful observer to detect these motives.

If there are reasons to believe you are too self-critical, avoiding success, or seeking failure, surely understanding your underlying needs and false assumptions (usually the need to hurt yourself or others) would be helpful.

Talk to a friend or a counselor about what might be "going on inside you." See references above, especially under level IV.

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This article is an excerpt from the book by Clay Tucker-Ladd, PhD: Psychological Self-Help http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/

Related article:

Being Creative and Self-critical - by Douglas Eby

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