"Odd Girl Out" [Lifetime tv movie]

Lifetime tv: Do you think bullying is a big problem for teenage girls?

Alexa Vega: Definitely. There's so much cattiness, and everything is a competition. It's all about boys and status and how high you are on the totem pole.

There will always be someone being picked on at school, and it's not going to go away.

Lifetime: Were you or someone close to you ever bullied?

Vega: A little in my freshman year for being an actress and starring in "Spy Kids." Someone even poured soda on me! My sister went through worse. She'd come home crying every day from girls tormenting her to her face or over instant messenger. She was quiet about it at first, but she finally opened up to my family for help.

Lifetime: What advice do you have for girls being picked on?

Vega: Talk to somebody about it, and figure out a way together to deal with the issue. Don't hide and say it will go away. It usually won't. You have to confront the situation.

Rachel Simmons discovered that girls are just as aggressive as boys, but they act out in much more subtle ways. 

The effect of this "hidden aggression" is devastating to millions of girls, but is often invisible to parents. Many girls intentionally perpetrate acts of aggression that go unseen by parents and teachers. 

Because they are so skilled at being subtle, girls can communicate a thousand words without saying anything. 

By rolling their eyes or turning their back on another girl, they can shut that other person out without being noticed by anyone else...

According to Rachel, one of the reasons for this hidden aggression is that girls don't express their anger to each other directly.

Popularity is a "cutthroat contest that causes girls to lie to be accepted, to cheat their friends by using them, and to steal people's secrets to re-sell at a higher price," says Rachel.

What makes girls popular is having lots of friends, and having trouble-free relationships with them.

But the more friends girls have, and the more they try to keep those friendships trouble-free, the more aggression builds up under the surface. [oprah.com 4/24/02]

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Living in a culture that encourages competition and dominance, most Americans do not take bullying seriously.

The problem, says UCLA Adjunct Associate Professor of Psychology Jaana Juvonen, is that ridicule and intimidation have become acceptable.

Her studies indicate that starting in middle school, bullies are considered "cool," while their victims are rejected from the social milieu. ....

Bullies try to shame and intimidate their victims and make them feel inadequate. Some bullies are active and aggressive; others are reserved and manipulative, relying on smooth talk and lies.

Bullying is not gender specific; it is estimated that 25 percent of bullies are females. ...

Up to about sixth grade they are fairly popular, but as they get older their popularity wanes.

By the time they're in high school, they tend to hang out with others like themselves: self-styled tough guys who may get what they want but are not well liked.

The person most hurt by bullying is often not the victim but the bully. The bully's behavior interferes with learning and friendships, and later on with work, relationships, income, and mental health.

Children who bully tend to turn into antisocial adults and are more likely to commit crimes, batter spouses, and abuse their children.

from article Kids hurting kids : bullies in the schoolyard - by Sue Smith-Heavenrich, Mothering, May-June, 2001

photo from CNN article School bullies keep fear on campus

victim status can change

In addition, having just one good friend lowers the risk of being harassed or feeling bad about it, so help from parents and teachers in establishing one friendship will be beneficial. 

School-wide approaches also are essential. The entire community has to take responsibility for preventing and dealing with victimization. ....

People used to think, "Once a victim, always a victim."

Sandra Graham, PhD

from article Saved by the bell? Serious science brings hope to victims and bullies - by Nancy K. Dess, Psychology Today

photo from book The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School, How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence - by Barbara Coloroso

Lacey Chabert and "Mean Girls"

I didn't go to high school, I was tutored on the set, but amongst my friends I was kind of somewhat like Gretchen (her character in "Mean Girls") - kind of insecure and trying to figure out who I was

And feeling a little isolated especially because I was just kind of different than other teenagers because of what I do. 

There were a lot of things in the script where I thought, "Wow, I can't believe that happened. I'm so thankful I wasn't in high school."  //

But it was really fun [acting in the movie]. Gretchen wasn't like evil but she struck me as very gossipy and always wanted to get people in trouble. 

I couldn't relate to that part. I hope that I couldn't relate to that part. But I guess her biggest problem was just feeling insecure, a victim.

At 15 or 16, you're trying to find your identity, and trying to be your own leader -- and not having the ability to do that, she's searching for those qualities in other people.

That was really Gretchen, she idolized Regina (Rachel McAdams' character) and was terrified of her at the same time. //

I just think girls become so wrapped up in superficial issues that don't really matter, such as hair and make up and clothes and cars, all the things that are represented in the movie...

And while those things can be fun and interesting, I think girls need to be taught and encouraged that other creative qualities are more important and finding who you are creatively as a person, and what your interests are, is definitely more important.

above left to right : Rachel McAdams as Regina, Lacey Chabert as Gretchen and Amanda Seyfried as Karen -- photo © Paramount Pictures

Tina Fey on "Mean Girls"

[She is the screenwriter of the film Mean Girls (2004), adapting the book by Rosalind Wiseman.]

A lot of what I read in the book struck me as very funny because I remember these kinds of behaviors from middle school and high school. 

It reminded me of the unbelievably genius, invisible ways that girls f*ck with each other. You know, the way they'll say, "Oh, your hair... That's cute. Did you change it? No, it's cute though." 

The book contains anecdotes from real girls about their experiences, which were hearbreaking at times, but also very funny. 

Girls will say to each other, "Well, there's pretty and there's ugly, and there's average. You and me are average." Which, in a way, is saying, "Don't think you're better than me. Don't think you're so hot."

Part of the movie is that there is that mean girl part in all of us. We all have people who are above us who treat us like we're crap, and no matter who you are, you have sonebody beneath you as an underling who you wind up hurting at some point. 

It's more about recognizing that part in all of us and trying to rise above it. But the mean girls are pretty tasty. They look fantastic from what I've seen, and they're pretty enticing. ///

The thing I remember about me in high school is that I was very caustic. If I liked a guy and he liked some other girl, I'd turn all of my rage against that girl who'd done nothing to me except go out with a guy that I liked. ///

By the time I was 20, I really felt like other people saw me and thought, "Oh, that girl is kind of funny, but she's really scathing and mostly just mean." I didn't like feeling that way. ///

You can be mean and caustic in your teens and your 20s, but if you keep it going, by the time you're 40, you're just going to be a c*nt. 

I'm trying to find more silliness, more political satire. I need to have a couple of other moves up my sleeve.

Characteristics may include: "Inability to establish and maintain meaningful interpersonal relationships; Inability to identify and express a range of feelings in oneself (typically accompanied by an inability to identify accurately the feelings of other people; Tendency to use power, silence, withdrawal, and/or avoidance rather than negotiation in the face of interpersonal conflict or difficulty..."