Relationships.........
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Anna: I don't want trouble.
Dan: I'm not trouble.
Anna: You're taken.
Dan: I've got to see you.
Anna: Tough.
Dan: You... KISSED me!
Anna: What are you - TWELVE?
Larry: You think because you don't love us, or desire us, or even like us, you think you've won.
Alice: It's not a war.
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Alice: Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it's more fun if you do.
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Anna (Julia Roberts) is a photographer who specializes in portraits of strangers; Dan (Jude Law) is an obituary writer struggling to become a novelist; Alice (Natalie Portman) is an American stripper freshly arrived in London after a bad relationship; and Larry (Clive Owen) is a dermatologist.~ ~ ~ ~
Scarlett Johansson: I don't think human beings are monogamous by nature. It's difficult - you have to put a lot of effort into a relationship. I think it's hard for actors to date each other because they are so damn moody. You are away from people constantly and having a relationship that is strictly by phone, it is miserable.
Or if you say to him/her, “Hey, (even though) I am doing a very sexy scene with this very sexy girl/boy, I love you and I'm going to be thinking of you when I am rolling around in bed with this person!" [imdb.com 23 Dec 2005]
[photo: with Jonathan Rhys-Meyers in "Match Point"]
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 .. Carol Gilligan on The Birth of Pleasure I found myself asking what is so dangerous about pleasure and what stake do we have in the tragic ending? These questions took me into a history of loss and separation that I saw playing itself out among the young boys and the adolescent girls in my studies. They would come to a place where loss seemed inescapable, where it seemed impossible for them to stay open and present in their relationships. I observed boys around the ages of four and five beginning to cover their emotions and girls at adolescence beginning not to say what they were really thinking and feeling. I have always been grateful to the woman in one of my early studies who asked me: "Do you want to know what I think, or do you want to know what I really think?" If the only way we can maintain relationships is by not showing what we are feeling or not saying what we are really thinking, then we end up giving up relationship for the sake of having relationships. |
The
absurdity of this, when you think about it, is countered by the fact
that
we often accept it as inevitable. And I think this is one reason why
many
people are unhappy in love, because what is said to be love often feels
like constraint. ///
Many constraints on relationships between men and women are being lifted as more women gain economic independence and more men realize the costs of adhering to traditional norms of masculinity. What comes next for relationships between men and women? If we don't turn back from the changes initiated by the liberation movements of the mid-twentieth century, what comes next is the birth of pleasure. This is where the future lies. But it is important to say that by pleasure I don't mean titillation or hedonism as it's commonly understood; I mean our capacity for delight, for joy. Once feminism is understood not as a battle between the sexes but a move to free both women and men from constraints that have limited their capacity to love and live fully, it becomes clear that feminism is one of the great liberation movements in human history. Carol Gilligan - from Random House interview books by Carol Gilligan : |
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People who don't understand or respect uniqueness
The problem is that many of us grew up with unique gifts, all the while surrounded by people who were either jealous of them, didn't understand them, or were threatened by them.
We may still even have Mom or Dad's speech in our heads, decrying our decision to become an artist, a coach, or an entrepreneur. ("Think of your FUTURE! You're throwing away a perfectly good career!")
We may be afraid our dreams will die if we expose them to a family we still care very much about.
If that's the case, take heart. Your holiday visit doesn't have to be a slash and burn party at your expense; in fact, you can even use it to feed your dreams.
from article : Creative Juice - page 2
by Suzanne Falter-Barns /
Lesson Twelve: Protecting Your Dream at Dysfunctional Family Get-Togethersphoto from movie The Royal Tenenbaums
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 .. .. Oh, don't look so shocked. If you've been in a relationship for more than six months, you've had those moments. We all have. Acknowledging them while they're still small can help us deal with them responsibly. Denying their existence allows them to grow until they overwhelm our social niceties, turning us into various manifestations of the Incredible Hulk. Speaking of media images, consider the convict in Chicago who got so sick of her husban's gum-popping that she fired "two warning shots... into his head." ... |
 .. .. Martha
Beck in "Every Little
Thing He Does Is Stupid" photo of Beck from Thisisawar.com bio Martha Beck, PhD is author of and The Joy Diet : 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life |
*related pages:....intensity / sensitivity........social reactions / interactions.......~ ~ ~ ~
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Catherine Willows [Marg Helgenberger] : You're right, you know. I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo, watching Discovery on the big screen, working genius-level crossword puzzles. But no relationships, no chance any will slop over into a case. Yeah, right. I want to be just like you. Gil Grissom [William L. Petersen] : Technically it's a townhouse. And the crosswords are advanced, not genius. But you're right, I'm deficient in a lot of ways. But I never screw up one of my cases with personal stuff.
Catherine Willows : Grissom... WHAT personal stuff?
"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation"
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Bridget Jones: Resolution #1: uggg - will obviously lose 20 lbs. #2: always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional f*ckwits, or perverts.
Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things.
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David Mirkin is a director ("Heartbreakers," "The Larry Sanders Show") and a writer on "The Simpsons."
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..When Garry Shandling invited him to a political gathering at Fisher's house seven years ago, one reason he went was because he had "always adored Carrie from afar."
A quiet person, especially in a crowd, Mirkin didn't say much. At the end of the evening, Fisher looked at him and asked, "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"
"Yeah, absolutely," he replied. "Let's be together for the rest of our lives."
She eyed him for a moment, then said with mock solemnity, "Yes. We are of the same tribe." They didn't become romantically involved, but in Fisher's world, fellow tribesmen are as precious as lovers.
"Much as I might like to have a companion," she says, "I don't know if it's worth it. I may be one of the people who can't do that stuff. We can't all partner.
"I still give my friends relationship advice, of course, and I'm not bad at it. 'Anyone's crisis but mine' is my motto."
She and Bryan Lourd [father of Fisher's 11-year-old daughter], whom she credits as a wonderful father, are friendly co-parents.
from Carrie Fisher takes reality for a spin -
by Mimi Avins, LA Times Jan 25 2004
photo from carriefisher.com
....The Best Awful - by Carrie Fisher
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I suppose my capacity to love is that extreme, too, where I actually go, "I want to be in love with someone in a way that they do outwigh everything else." That's what I want. I find that romantic and beautiful and compelling, and when it happens it becomes the all-encompassing part of my life. Which is what I had, and which is what I don't have now.
So that feeling has flip-flopped into films and characters, and these different people I play become the loves of my life.
Nicole Kidman... [Interview, Oct 2003]
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 .. .. But they also involve risks. SLHPPs [Self-Limiting High Potential Persons] are often at the center of a lively discussion at a party and are likeable and often well-liked. But they often have few truly profound friendships because they prefer to avoid hassles and exposure to rejection. Some SLHPPs reduce risks of rejection by never inviting and always waiting to be invited. Eventually, people drop away. Intimate relationships require even more work, and if you skip over learning the skills that relationships demand, the complexities can overwhelm you. /// |
In
addition to realists and romantics, all of the following subtypes
diminish
their involvement with another person by avoiding the work necessary to
achieve a truly satisfying relationship.
You will see obvious similarities to styles of approaching career-related work. Relationship Coasters : avoid not only needless struggles but also necessary ones.... One-Track Lovers : reduce personal involvement and ease eventual separations by exclusively seeking intense sexual involvements that involve little personal attraction.... Hiders : avoid intimate relationships with a pretext such as a dependent child.... Role Players : develop mildly unpleasant personas, such as sexual athlete, unbearable macho, radical angry woman, or victim, to deter others from coming too close... more
styles in the book : |
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| Djimon
Hounsou : The odds were
so far against me,
you know? I mean, you come to America, here you are, you don't speak a
word of the language... And not only that, you're trying... to sort of
be active and be productive in the language.
Also, that was part of the reason why I sort of kept quiet from most of my friends what I wanted to do at the time [to be an actor]. I mean, my friends would have discouraged me from going in that direction. And I totally understand that. That's some of the reasons why I kept my mouth shut for a long time. Tavis Smiley : That's good advice, though. You can't share your dreams with just everybody. Djimon Hounsou : No, you can't share your dreams with everybody. The first people to discourage you from your dreams are either your family members or your friends, you know, the closest people to you. So...unless you have a clear understanding of what you want to do in life, you should just keep it to yourself. |
 .. .. Djimon Hounsou : Probably true. Yes. Tavis
Smiley Show [PBS] [site]
Jan 12 2004 |
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Most of the times I've dated people who are extremely artistic but maybe not great partners. One of you ends up kind of losing yourself -- and it's usually me.
..
..I rewrite the story of who I am for somebody else.
If you're somebody that caretakes, you wind up making them your job. I've definitely done that a lot. I've chosen people that I police or mother. ... I've made a pact with myself that even if I'm crazy about a person, I'm not going to allow myself to spend years in a relationship that isn't going the same direction I want to be going in.
Sheryl Crow
from article Why Success Isn't Enough For Sheryl Crow -
by Deborah Baer, Lifetime, Nov 2003photo from sherylcrow.com
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 .. .. The old views of respect that emphasize hierarchy, approbation, and obedience, based on habit, ritual, or law, then to lead to relationships that are static asymmetric, and constraining. People become stuck in their roles of power or impotence, responsibility or irresponsibility, and are neither challenged nor inspired to try on other personas or develop new ways of being. |
Respect
that is symmetric and dynamic, on the other hand, supports growth and
change,
encourages communication and authenticity, and allows generosity and
empathy
to flow in two directions.
The image is one of a circle, not a triangle or pyramid. From this new perspective, differences in power, strength and expertise may remain but the respect creates a relational and generative symmetry. Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot Coalition
of Essential Schools, Fall Forum 2001,
|
*related pages:....collaboration........leadership.......~ ~ ~ ~
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James Kaufman, PhD, and psychologist John Baer, PhD theorize that creative people -- specifically, eminent female poets -- may be more prone to mental illness if they are more vulnerable to extrinsic motivational constraints, such as interpersonal relationships. from article The 'Sylvia Plath' effect - by Deborah Smith Bailey,
APA Monitor on Psychology, November 2003
Women today are dealing with both their independence and also the fact that their lives are built around finding and satisfying the romantic models we grew up with. The story ["In the Cut"] gave us an opportunity to see how that model falls short for us, and creates enormous amounts of grief. Women often postpone their lives, thinking that if they're not with a partner then it doesn't really count. They're still searching for their prince, in a way.
And as much as we don't discuss that, because it's too embarrassing and too sad, I think it really does exist.
Jane Campion - from In The Cut - BBC interview by Stephen Applebaum
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 .. .. |
If
I needed help he gave it without making it into a big favor, and --
this
is the central fact -- he did not ever begrudge me the time I spent
writing,
or the blessing of my work. ...
Any artist must expect to work amid the total, rational indifference of everybody else to their work, for years, perhaps for life: but no artist can work well against daily, personal, vengeful resistance. And that's exactly what many women artists get from the people they love and live with. Ursula
K. Le Guin |
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|
Hepburn's
on-screen chemistry with Spencer Tracy in 1941 sparked a love
affair
|
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 .. .. Thus, the problem of empathic connection os of particular concern for highly perceptive girls and women (Lovecky, 1990, 1992). ... In fact, one of the problems for women with an exceptional degree of perceptiveness is that they experience a deep sense of being different from others -- including most other women -- in their moral and social concepts, in how they view truth and justice, and in how they can foresee the ulitimate consequences of particular trends of both individual and community behavior. ... |
Because
true peers are so rare, the highly perceptive woman finds herself in
many
relationships in which she has to erect a false face that hides how
different
she really is.
Consequently, the highly gifted woman may, in fact, feel inauthentic in her relationships. Miller (1986) suggests that increasing authenticity is the goal of women's relationships, but it can only be obtained when the two participants feel equal. Deirdre Lovecky- in "Creative Connections: Perspectives on Female Giftedness", Mensa Research Journal, Spring 1996 Lovecky,
D (1992), Roeper Review article:
Exploring Social Miller, JB (1986). Toward a New Psychology of Women photo from scene in the film based on book Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells |
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In many of the interviews conducted with both older and younger gifted females,
they described their feelings of loneliness and betrayal by other women.When asked about friendships, a successful college president replied simply,
"I have none."Some of the reasons that many talented women have few friends and are often lonely
revolve around the extremely limited amount of time they have for friendships and the
ambivalence of other women to talented women who achieve at high levels.from article: Internal barriers, personal issues, and decisions
faced by gifted and talented females, by Sally M. Reis~ ~ ~ ~
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