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Relationships : page 3 - quotes / excerpts from articles & interviews / sites / books
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Romantic love is one of the most exciting and fulfilling kinds of love, and I think there's a potential for it at any stage of your life. Harrison Ford I keep forgetting that he's [22] years older than me. It doesn't factor into our relationship at all. Calista Flockhart
They're both very cool, creative people who go their own way. He's an attractive, sexual guy at 60, and he's okay with that - as opposed to someone who's 60 and desperately tries to be 40. Lena Olin
[People, June 23, 2003]
....,
There are quite a few smart men out there. I just don't see
many men who want to be with a smart woman.Lara Flynn Boyle ..... [People, June 23, 2003]
....,~ ~ ~ ~~....,
| After
her divorce, she was romantically involved with a series of actors...
Some
hurt. None lasted. "There are always red flags in a relationship," Michelle
Pfeiffer
explained.
"You get stuck in situations and live in denial for a long time, because it's hard to discover what you really need. It's trial by error. "I don't think we're meant to spend our lives with everyone we have a relationship with." ... Then, in 1993, when she was 34 and at the peak of her career, Pfeiffer decided to adopt a child as a single mother. "I'd always wanted to adopt," she said. "I hadn't given up on men - I just didn't want to wait anymore. ... I very consciously decided to trust my feelings when I adopted Claudia... "She was a gift from God, a healing force in my life. Adopting her was the start of my family, and I believe she brought David to me. It was destined." Writer/producer David E. Kelley.. and Pfeiffer met on a blind date... "It was a disaster!" she recalled, laughing. "He was cute, but we didn't talk to each other. We were both too shy." |
 .. .. "I want my husband and my children [Claudia, 10, and John Henry, 8] to be happy and fulfilled as human beings. I want their lives to have meaning and purpose. That's what I care about now." from
"She Made Her Dreams Come True" |
..related pages:........giftedness characteristics...........introversion / shyness...........motherhood.~ ~ ~ ~
I am a very protective person and I'm very slow to open myself up and very slow to be vulnerable. I used to be super-open and trusting but some people in this business are drawn to you for the wrong reasons. You can end up feeling very hurt and used up by people who have strange intentions. ... We all become very protective, and we don't want to be vulnerable or hurt.
You can be in a relationship with somebody but you are not really baring your soul or risking everything. It's ridiculous because you wonder what the point is... you're not getting the most out of life.
Even knowing that I remain very protective of myself...
Gwyneth Paltrow.....[handbag.com interview 2002]
~ ~ ~ ~
Real couples with real flaws and inadequacies can indeed find exceptional joy together. My husband and I spend a lot of time in flow these days. It happens when Stephen makes one of his trademark bantering comments, many of them salacious...
And I'm aware he's showing me how delightful and sexy my everyday habits are to him. At such times the bond between us feels timeless and irreplaceable.
That's called flow. It's the same as being "in the zone," as athletes have long referred to the mindset. For couples, it means an intense engagement, unlike what either of you has with anyone else.
Such flowing interactions are profoundly and endlessly refreshing, keeping us far from bored.
..If that sounds a bit dull to those who wish the frantic early days of emotional white-water-rapid highs could continue for a lifetime, rest assured: it's no duller than transcendence itself.
...Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way - by Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
~ ~ ~ ~
I was trying to take the word 'lonesome,' which is so depleted and sad, and do something different with it. I thought that by making 'Lonesomers' a category of people, a sort of group or fraternity of folks who are alone, I could find some humor in it -- and some hope. I've been in relationships for so long, I thought it was funny to say, 'I've got to learn to be alone -- so point me to the nearest group of loners and see if I can fit in.' At the same time, it's about trying to transform my anxiety into something positive, to see a horizon instead of being mired in fear.
Mare Winningham..... [from marewinningham.com bio] - about her album Lonesomers
I think women, if you have an open heart, you're attracted to somebody that you can save. It's not necessarily the healthiest thing and I'm trying to overcome that, but people have to save themselves. You can't save anyone. People have to make their own effort and dust themselves off and try to work through their own issues by themselves.
Laura Elena Harring .. [DarkHorizons.com 3/4/03] /
photo from lauraharring.net~ ~ ~ ~
 .. .. She says, "I felt I didn't deserve to be there in my own right, and throughout I wasn't there as Nicole, I was there as Tom's wife. "I didn't have to have this huge career. And this makes me sad, but I would probably choose a marriage and an intact family over my career. But I think I had to choose. I think (the marriage) would have come down to it. I suppose it wasn't meant to be." [imdb.com People News Nov 6 2002] |
I
spent 11 years of my life dedicated to something else, really. I was
dedicated
to my relationship rather than to work. It wasn't even a choice,
it was just what it was - that was where my passion was. And now I've come out of that. There's so much in me that I want to say, that I feel, that I have existing inside me, and it's coming out. And there's a way in which I go, well, I don't have anything else in my life... I have my children, but I don't have a relationship. I have this at the moment. ..... Nicole Kidman .. [imdb.com Jan 22 2003] |
~ ~ ~ ~
Jennifer Garner has blamed her shock break up with husband Scott Foley on the "frenzy" of Hollywood.
..
..Garner, who is now happily dating her Alias co-star Michael Vartan, admits she was as surprised as anyone else that her 2000 marriage to Foley didn't last.
She sighs, "Honestly, I just don't have enough perspective on it yet. I think there are a million reasons why things don't work.
"The thing is, everyone says that when you're in Hollywood, you're living in the fast lane, but that's what it feels like - everything speeds up. "If a (relationship) is not going to work ten years from now, it feels like it's accelerated to this frenzy and then, it's not working - boom! And you're like, 'What just happened?'"
But Garner admits there was one positive side - her genuine pain seemed to keep the media off her back, and provoke a sensitive response from fans.
She adds, "I think people understood that we were just two normal people who really loved each other. I think they got that we're both pretty broken hearted about it.
[imdb.com Celebrity News: 10th October 2003]
~ ~ ~ ~
| I
love acting.
Part of what happened [with Ellen] is that I stopped being many parts
of
me. This is a pattern in all of my relationships - to gain the trust
and
love of somebody, I would become what they wanted me to become. [With
Ellen]
I stopped doing acting roles because I thought, Well, this will prove
that
I'm worthy of love!. ...
I believe that you get the energy you put out. I was very fearful of getting a role because I thought I might not be loved by the woman I was with. And so in order to not even be put in that position, I put out the energy of "I can't work." ****Anne Heche****[The Advocate, Nov 6, 2001] ******-her memoir: Call Me Crazy |
 |
~ ~ ~ ~
| Yes,
we all know that Good Marriages Take Work. But then, work takes work,
too.
Wage labor, intimacy labor -- are you ever not on the clock?
If you're working at monogamy, you've already entered a system of exchange: an economy of intimacy governed -- as such economies are -- by scarcity, threat, and internalized prohibitions; secured ideologically -- as such economies are -- by incessant assurances that there are no viable alternatives. When monogamy becomes work, when desire is organized contractually, with accounts kept and fidelity extracted like labor from employees, with marriage a domestic factory policed by means of rigid shop-floor discipline designed to keep the wives and husbands of the world choke-chained to the reproduction machinery -- this is a somewhat different state of affairs than "Happy Marriage." |
 .. .. Laura Kipnis - from article: Excerpt from Adultery related book Against Love: A Polemic - by Laura Kipnis |
~ ~ ~ ~
| Reptilian,
limbic and neocortex -- how do those three developmental levels of our
brains affect our romantic relationships?
How is evolution tied into it all? Kehoe answers these questions and more, and he throws in a hodgepodge of interesting facts and statistics along the way... female monkeys initiate more than 80 percent of matings. ... The best places for women to meet men are first-aid classes. ... Men on the average want six partners in the next year and 18 in their lifetimes -- in reality, only 23 percent of American men have had two or more sex partners in the past year, and the average man has only five sexual partners in a lifetime. from
review by Tom Elliott, Mensa Bulletin, Aug 2003 -- of book:
|
 |
~ ~ ~ ~
 |
Spending
time with wife Marianne and 15-year-old Jesse has provided instant
perspective.
Mentally astute, his son uses a wheelchair because he has cerebral
palsy.
Jesse's "the best thing that has happened to us," Chris Cooper says, speaking at length about the family's victories: a successful battle to get Jesse mainstreamed, a computer that helps him communicate, how well he's doing in school. "Like many husbands, I was reluctant to have a child, but Jesse has instilled in us what's really important," Cooper said, with the same passion he brings to Laroche [his character in "Adaptation"]. "He seems so normal to us, now. And what a great teacher: His patience is extraordinary and, because he's so limited, he's very, very, focused. At the expense of sounding ghoulish, Jesse has fueled the characters I've played. He's filled my emotional life." ... [LA Times December 25, 2002] |
~ ~ ~ ~
 .. .. I call them energy vampires, and obnoxious or meek, they come in all forms. The sob sister, for one, always considers herself the victim. The world is always against her, and she'll recount every horrible thing that has happened to her, wallowing in every perceived slight. |
The
charmer is a constant talker or joke-teller who has to be the center of
attention. The blamer, on the other hand, doles out endless servings of
guilt. And then there's the drama queen, the co-worker who claims she
almost
died from a high fever or the neighbor who lives in extremes of emotion
-- life is unbelievably good or horrifically bad.
No matter which type of energy vampire you're dealing with, you're allowed to walk away. Many of us find this really hard to do. We're afraid of being thought of as impolite; we don't want to offend people. But there are plenty of ways to remove yourself from a killing conversation. When leaving isn't an option, you can still maintain your energy level by making a few minor adjustments. excerpt
from article: ENERGY
VAMPIRES ...Dr.
Judith Orloff's Guide to Intuitive Healing: |
~ ~ ~ ~
We always think that you have to stand by your man, but women who do that usually end up sacrificing everything about themselves. Frida stood by her man all the way, but she never stopped being who she was. Salma Hayek**[Hispanic Magazine, Oct 2002 - posted on hayekheaven.net]
photo: Hayek as Frida Kahlo in her film "Frida"***/**
*more about Frida Kahlo on painting: page 2
~ ~ ~ ~
Affecting the lives of a number of accomplished creative people is a family undertow: others telling them they are responsible for the ones in the family who aren't so successful: "Your younger brother can't get a job - it's up to you to support them, because you have all this money." The family of successful performers can be like quicksand, and very toxic.
from article The Inner Process of Giftedness
~ ~ ~ ~
How we relate to ourselves does not arise in a vacuum. It is interconnected with our intimate relations, especially with our childhood and gender relations. And we perpetuate negative patterns unless we become conscious of them. Unless we pay attention to the web of relations around us, and help shift them from domination to partnership, it's like going up on a down elevator. So much is pushing us back in our surrounding culture.
***Riane Eisler - from interview***
*The Power of Partnership
People keep asking how I managed to get him, not the other way around. I have a feeling of losing what was special about me and becoming Mrs. Neeson. I have a famous mother [Vanessa Redgrave], and it took me years to get over that. Now I have this really famous husband. I felt a loss of confidence. Natasha Richardson****[quoted in Liz Smith column, unknown date]
photo by Martha Swope: Natasha Richardson and Liam Neeson in the Roundabout Theatre's revival of "Anna Christie," New York, 1992
~ ~ ~ ~
Famke Janssen.. is "absolutely not" looking for love.. She says, "I don't even like talking about dating. It's like having a stamp on your forehead: 'I'm available and I'm looking'." She adds, "I've been in relationships since I was 16, so it's nice to have a little break. It's nice to find out you can do things on your own - like I can drill things in my apartment with a power drill. I'm excited about that. Before, I'd have asked the person I was with to do it. Little things like that give me satisfaction." .....[imdb.com Celeb News 6 Nov. 2001]
When it comes to her love life, Roselyn Sanchez has been married and divorced already... claims she's ultra-focused on spending bundles of time staying busy and concentrated at the task at hand: to open movies and launch her music career. "My energy shifts a lot when I'm in a relationship.. I need to just take it easy and learn how to be alone." .... [Brentwood Magazine brentwoodmagazine.com Mar/Ap 2003]
~ ~ ~ ~
"Women often choose to create relationships, and this often means there is a pull, whether it's two single people, or a marriage. About a year ago I read an interview of Gloria Steinem [left], and she said she still suffers from what she called the 'women's malady': the whole idea of knowing so much more about what other people want and need than what you need. ... I thought, if Gloria Steinem has a problem, no wonder I do," she adds with a laugh. That kind of pull, she notes, is very very difficult to deal with: "I have four children, a husband and an elderly mother, and now grandchildren, and all of that is a pull of things you care about and want to do. You have to constantly pull back and say, My writing is important and I must do something for myself, and the world will have to fend for itself for a couple of hours. .....Marylou Kelly Streznewski - from interview
...
~ ~ ~ ~
 |
Friendship
also takes a tremendous amount of work, like any relationship, but
without
[my friends], I would die. I feel like there's such a support system
that
they make me feel like I can fly... it makes me feel very secure on
this
planet.
Sandra Bullock - about her group of friends the "Tuesday Girls," named because they used to meet one Tuesday of every month, regardless of where they all were. from interview on The Oprah Show May 29 2002 about her role in the movie based on the book: Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells //**--photo from the movie > |
 |
~ ~ ~ ~
| Do you
find your
relationships
failing without understanding why? Are you nice to people you can't
stand,
and afraid of people you admire? Do you feel trapped in situations that
drain your energy, but don't know what to do about it?
Are you feeling confused and powerless about knowing what you want and how to get it? Do your emotions overwhelm you and make you reluctant to act? What may be holding you back are ongoing unconscious patterns and habits you learned to cope with your family of origin which don't work any more. Families are wonderful when their members love and support each other, but the best intentions can be distorted by behavior and attitudes we adopt to get along with the people closest to us. from article: Ten Ways to Survive a Dysfunctional Family by Suzanne Gold, MA -- from
her site Surviving a Dysfunctional
Family
// |
 |
~ ~ ~ ~
When I was younger I felt that when I was on a film set pretending to be in love with someone it helped to take an extra step and really do so. It's supposed to add chemistry between the characters. But a movie set is fake. It's such a false environment, your own judgement is hurt.
Heather Graham [imdb.com celeb news 2.25.02]
Another issue related to being exceptional may be social isolation: true peer relationships are rare and demanding. Hypersensitivity to destructive influences from others may demand protective isolation, even from family members. Affecting the lives of a number of creative people is a family undertow: others telling them they are responsible for the ones in the family who aren't so successful: "Your younger brother can't get a job - it's up to you to support them, because you have all this money."
The family of some successful performers can be like quicksand, and very toxic. Women are typically trained to support and nourish relationships, and may find even the thought of isolation distressing.
from article: Gifted Women: Identity and Expression by Douglas Eby
~ ~ ~ ~
***
Any relationship makes a difference in a person's life, whether formal or informal. ... to be mentored by someone doesn't even require a mentoring 'contract' or mutual agreement to the mentoring. ... you may admire someone and study him or her from a distance; that too is mentoring. Define mentoring broadly and you will find teachers, helpers, guides everywhere you turn.
Harriet Rubin [from WomenFuture site]*---
~ ~ ~ ~
Her love awaits me on the distant shore.
The river flows between us,
crocodiles in the sandbars.Yet I plunge into the river,
my heart slicing currents, steady
as if I were walking.O my love, it is love
that gives me strength and courage,
love that fords the river.Anonymous, Egyptian, 15th - 10th centuries BCE
Love, and Longing by Sam Hamill~ ~ ~ ~
...sites:Pat Allen, PhD - Marriage & Family Therapist, author and workshop leader on issues of love, sex and relating, and relationships for highly sensitive people.
Ask Dan and Jennifer -"Our mission is to help people create conscious relationships based on love and acceptance rather than fear, jealousy, anger, and ownership. It's time to move on from outdated ideas about relationships and sex..."
OnlineDatingMatches - "It is our goal to help you chose the right online dating site so that you can increase your chances of meeting the love of your life. We also offer promotional codes to the various online dating sites, so that you can take those extra few bucks you saved and put it towards a really nice dinner for your first date. :)
Susan K. Perry, PhD - a social psychologist with special expertise in relationships and positive psychology; author of Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get & Stay That Way.
Nina W. Brown. Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
Terri Casey Pride and Joy : The Lives and Passions of Women Without Children "The women talk about their family histories, intimate relationships, self-images, creative outlets, fears, ambitions, dreams, and connections to the next generation."
Alyce Faye Cleese, Brian Bates How to Manage Your Mother: Understanding the Most Difficult, Complicated, and Fascinating Relationship in Your Life [reader:] "Through the stories of the lives of famous public figures and unknowns alike, the writing of Alyce Faye Cleese and Brian Bates evokes painfully poignant as well as hilariously funny memories of childhood - you will shed tears of nostalgia and of joy. Whether you loved your mother or hated her, this book is for you. For me, it made sense of not only my relationship with my mother, but put my relationship with my own children in perspective too."
Steven Farmer. Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused
Carie Forden. Readings in The Psychology of Women: Dimensions of the Female Experience
summary by Susan Franzblau, PhD: "First of all it has an article on attachment theory in it by me, so I am tooting my own horn. The chapters include: Power and Ideology, theories of development, adolescence, Academic and Career Achievement, Intimate Relationships, Caregiving, Women's Bodies and Women's Health, Violence against Women, Mental Health and Aging. It is very multicultural."Susan Forward. Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Gina Misiroglu Girls like Us: 40 Extraordinary Women Celebrating Girlhood in Story, Poetry, and Song
"40 accomplished, influential women share inspiring moments from their own childhoods and teenage years. Novelist Amy Tan explores the life of a young girl and her relationship to her mother in The Joy Luck Club; Faye Wattleton describes how a checkered and difficult childhood shaped her into the determined leader she is today; In Paula, Isabel Allende tells of her parents' priceless gift in encouraging her to express her creativity. .. also includes photographs of some contributors at the age they appear in their stories, as well as brief biographies."Maureen Murdock Fathers' Daughters: Transforming the Father-Daughter Relationship
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D. Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get & Stay That Way
William B. Swann. Resilient Identities: Self, Relationships, and the Construction of Social Reality
~ ~ ~ ~***
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