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self-limiting.: page 1.........Talent Development Resources --..home page...site map
 "I thought I knew everything."“New York is a great apprenticeship for life. I probably played too much the first year out of law school in New York. "I thought I knew everything, but I didn't know anything about acting and life.” William Sanderson [Los Angeles Times, June 11 2006 /photo: as E.B. Farnum on Deadwood hbo.com/deadwood |
It
can be all too easy for people with high intelligence and ability to
think we “know everything” - and that can be at times very
self-limiting,
interfering with developing our abilities beyond what we think we have. Douglas Eby [this site author] > related article: Ego and Creativity |
I just don't like to multitask. I can't read a book and run on the treadmill. I don't like to be on the phone and play with the kids. Except having sex. I do like to read a book while having sex. And talk on the phone. You can get so much done. If the room's dark enough, I like to do some online shopping.
Jennifer Connelly .. [bostonherald.com August 20, 2005]
> related topic :...sexuality
~ ~ ~ ~
That level of control, that ability to endure anything without so much as a whimper, is a point of pride for Jodie Foster, but it goes far deeper than just job performance, and off the set, it's not always to her advantage. "I can basically put my emotions aside and go headfirst," she says. "But it's something I have to watch, because sometimes I don't know how I feel about things."
Until later? "Until years later," she says, and laughs. "I am someone who experiences the world through my head, so my psyche's fight, my whole life, has been the head against the heart. That's what all my movies are about, too."
from interview article: "Jodie's Choice" by Sean M. Smith, Premiere, March 2002
photo of Jodie Foster from book:
Great Women of Film~ ~ ~ ~
I thought I needed to be successful to be somebody. At the same time, growing up in a strict household, it was like, "Don't ever do a movie with sex in it. Don't do anything risky because we don't want to be embarrassed by you.
I was a little scared being naked [in "Boogie Nights" - 1997]. But it was kind of freeing.
I just felt like I didn't have to live by the rules of Catholicism if I wanted to express myself artistically, and I'm not going to hell.
Heather Graham ..
[Umagazine colleges.com 7/19/99]
> related pages:....early life.....identity.....body image
~ ~ ~ ~
 We are
undeniably complex beings. Our impulses can kidnap us. Our thoughts can
mislead us.
Our behaviors can mystify us. Our emotions know no reason. Part of human complexity is our innate ability to create the unimaginably good as well as to mislead, distract, or outsmart ourselves and undermine our own happiness. We all do things on occasion that aren’t in our best interests. ... Yet as uncomfortable or difficult as it may be to recognize and overcome your denial and counterproductive actions, doing so is within your reach. I'm here to tell you that denial and self-sabotage are not signs of weakness or anything to hide or feel guilty about. |
If you
sometimes miss the boat, “step in it,” or trip
yourself up, you are not flawed, bad, or dysfunctional. You are human.
Self-defeating behavior is a habit reinforced by biology, culture, and your individual upbringing and development. Like any habit, it can be unlearned. Disciplines from psychology to biology to economics have established a surprising truth: There is a predictable science to denial and self-sabotage. Dan Neuharth, PhD
- excerpts on his site from his book Secrets You Keep from Yourself : |
~ ~ ~ ~
..
It wasn't until high school that all of this unfulfilled potential was discovered; up until then, she had simply been great: great kid, great student. A pleasure to have in class. But beginning in the ninth grade, she felt her greatness gently ebbing away, retreating to a cool, deep cistern hidden somewhere inside her. I think it's there! her teachers hollered down into the darkness.
> from short story "Accomplice" by Sarah Shun-Lien Bynum -
in book The Best American Short Stories 2004
unrelated photo from Davidson Institute site ditd.org. ~ ~ ~ ~
 I have
learned that our greatest failing is not
to take action, not to sing our song. I admit that
living expansively and exuberantly isn't always easy. Sorrow and pain make us want to contract and withdraw, not expand and excel. We live well only when we embrace this paradox -- the very fragility, pathos, and unpredictability of life make every moment precious. My aim is to persuade, push, and compel you to live every minute fully and consciously. We never know how many chances we'll have to "get it right." Life is finite. If I am driven in my mission, it's because of my own agony in dealing with loss. |
What
I have learned is that pain, suffering, emptiness, and loneliness are
an
important part of the human experience. Everyone -- rich or poor, weak
or powerful -- endures these emotions.
We are here on earth to learn, to laugh, to cry, to feel love and pain, to be. Most important, we are here to live and make a difference. Part of getting it right is getting it wrong. We are not the same, but we are all one. > Cynthia Brian - in her book Be the Star You Are! > her
related charitable organization site
is "committed > photo from her site star-style.com |
..> related pages:....change / growth resources....achievement / personal development programs~ ~ ~ ~
....
Ask people why they procrastinate and you'll often hear something like this, "I'm a perfectionist. Everything has to be just right before I can get down to work..." The other end of procrastination - being unable to finish - also has a perfectionist explanation: "I'm just never satisfied. I'm my own harshest critic..."
Do you see what's going on here? A fault is being turned into a virtue.
Jim Rohn - from his article Ending Procrastination
~ ~ ~ ~
 .. .. However, type one is learned because of the feelings the habit or behavior itself offers. Type two evolves out of the feelings that an alternative non-bad habit behavior offers. Both types reflect the resistance to give up that which is familiar, comfortable and predictable. |
For
example, type one--drugs, alcohol, gambling, procrastination, smoking,
anger and the other addictions.
Healthy habits are achieved by giving up the bad habit itself and replacing it with a number of healthy habits that must eventually become more rewarding than the bad habit. Type two -- not taking medication, not following doctor's advice, not exercising, not eating the correct foods, not achieving, not studying, and poor work habits. Healthy habits are achieved in two steps; first, by giving up that which has been in its place tie: sitting on the couch, not wanting to give up a lifestyle activity or inactivity, or not wanting to give up a taste, not wanting to give up a feeling, not wanting to give up a pleasure). Secondly, replacing the old habits with a number of new habits that become the new norm which is more rewarding than the old unhealthy habits. > Marc F. Kern, PhD - from his book Take Control Now > "No Bad Habits" sign from his Addiction Alternatives site |
~ ~ ~ ~
 .. .. Time. Do You Use It or Abuse It? by Susan Dunn An interesting new article from Harvard Business Review redefines "time management." How we use or abuse time impacts our productivity. Time abusers can be disruptive to our social and professional lives. Are you one? Do you know one? According to the article, we all have our um, times of not managing time well, for which we can benefit from practical how-to tips, but the problems with real time-abusers go deeper. Coaching may be in order! It often has to do with low self-esteem and a fear (unmindful) of being judged and found wanting. This can come from bad school or home experiences, or long abuse from a partner or boss. The article by Steven Berglas, Ph.D., called "Time Abusers," defines four basic types: 1. The Preemptive "Regardless of the different ways they might disrupt colleagues, time abusers are alike in that they are all highly inflexible individuals who believe deeply that they are doing the best job possible. This is most true for preemptives-the rarest of time abusers. Preemptives are the people who compulsively beat the clock. They finish assignments weeks ahead of schedule and always seem to be in control." |
They
do okay for a while, but over time they cause morale problems because
they
aren't aware of how their behavior affects others (low EQ). "They are
typically
asocial individuals," says Berglas, "who, while not actively hostile,
fail
to take their group's needs into account."
2. The People Pleaser Can appear to be a dream come true, but saying "yes" all the time is highly dysfunctional. "When a person chronically takes on more and more responsibilities out of a fear of confronting authority, he will inevitably commit too much of his time to unproductive projects" and will vent their anger in time abuse, fussing over minute obsessive details. "Over-compliance wins favor at first but leads to conflicts with the very authority figures she is endeavoring to please." 3. The Perfectionist Can hold people hostage for indefinite periods of time, though they do it out of anguish, not rage. Trying to satisfy extremely unrealistic but deeply internalized standards of excellence, and they get away with it because they do first-rate work. But to work this way, they post "psychological Do Not Disturb" signs around themselves, and in their emotional isolation appear arrogant and dismissive. 4. The Procrastinator They show up late, and put off projects until the last minute and then move into the panic mode, upsetting everyone around them. You just can't count on them. According to Berglas, when asked where the project is they'll say (and believe), "I'll get to it as soon as I get this monkey off my back." But of course the monkey's always available! Unlike the perfectionist, who's trying for the A+, the procrastinator is motivated by fear he can never produce an A. > article The Time Abusers - by Steven Berglas ....related
book : Your
Own Worst Enemy: quotes
from newsletter of Susan Dunn, M.A, |
~ ~ ~ ~
 .. from article How to Make Money by Breaking the Rules - By Valerie Young Too many people who want to work at what they love seem to suffer under the misguided notion that there are certain "rules" that must be followed. Let me give you a quick example. At the beginning of every career consultation, I ask clients to describe their ideal life. To prompt their thinking I pose a series of questions such as what time do you want to get up in the morning, would you like to work at home or outside the home, do you want to work with other people or do you prefer to work alone? |
The question that gets the biggest reaction is, "Would you like to have summers off?" Invariably someone will say, "Oh, can you do that?" I'm always tempted to say, "I don't know, let me consult the official Work-Life Rule Book." The thing is I don't know if you can have summers off or not. But what I do know is this -- if the desire to have your summers free is not consciously on your mental radar screen, then the likelihood of it happening is next to nil. If, on the other hand, you were crystal clear that you'd love to take summers off, then you'd be in a better position to make a conscious effort to come up with ways to generate income that would allow for a lengthy work break. This self-limiting belief that you somehow have to do things a certain way also hampers a lot of aspiring entrepreneurs. from
Changing Course Newsletter. also
see more Valerie Young articles |
~ ~ ~ ~
 .. .. And yet, this is exactly what so many of us do. Talk about a set-up. /// Inevitably, many doors close for us. If you're 30, it's too late to be a child-star. Dancers deal with this type of hard truth much sooner than the rest of us fortunate enough to be enamored of less physique-based disciplines. For the sake of playing Devils Advocate, I will venture to say that some people do succeed in using this type of self-ultimating effectively. (Or at least it appears that they do; maybe they're just lucky.) I recently read an article about playwriting. Tony Kushner, according to this article, claimed to have started writing plays at the age of 26 and gave himself the rather unimaginative cut-off point of age 30. |
I
don't know if he would have stoppedwriting plays altogether at age 30
if
Angels in America hadn't become the success that it did, but that
certainly
is the troubling assumption many neophyte playwrights could make upon
reading
this article.
Dave Attel, a very successful comedian, once told me early on back in the trenches of the open mikes that he was giving himself 5 years to "make it". After that, I think his plan was to become a lawyer or something, which certainly could have worked for him, bright as he is. Again, we'll never know if he would have reverted to plan "B" or not. Perhaps the urgency generated by his dead-line helped him. Or, perhaps who he is was so in synch with the Zeitgeist that he would have attained his goals of solvency and fame as a comedian whether he gave himself a time-limit or not. Turning a dream into a goal involves more than putting a time frame on it. A dream may pull us forward, without necessarily becoming fulfilled. A goal is a goal because it is achievable. Healthy goals are within our control, and do not involve qualitative absolutes. Rahti Gorfien - from her essay "The Expiration Date on Dreams" - from her newsgroup Creative Calling, Aug 22, 2004 photo from her site creativecalling.net |
~ ~ ~ ~
Quite often, without awareness, we come to feel that perfectly safe ventures, feelings, explorations, relationships, etc., are unsafe, only because they are unfamiliar or different, and because we haven't experienced them. Very often we will stick with something truly destructive and unsafe only because it is familiar, because we have experienced it; it represents a status quo -- no taking a chance situation.
Theodore Isaac Rubin - in his book The Winner's Notebook, 1967
*related pages:......emotion: resources ......emotional intelligence resources~ ~ ~ ~
...
 Self
Limiting High Potential Persons.. etch
enduring pathways over time by repeating their characteristic
self-defeating methods... this tendency can evolve into a general
self-limiting style. .... The styles outlined here do not exhaust the possibilities. Each one represents a way in which what is possible and realizable in a person's life is habitually prevented or lost. .... [The following are excerpts from longer descriptions.] Sleepers. The style most often seen in people from families or communities without models or traditions of high achievement. Sleepers lack accurate information about themselves, the extent of their talent, and ways to express it. ... A lack of support, opportunities, and guidance often plays a role in the failure of sleepers to make early contact with their possibilities, as does a parental preference not to spoil of inflate them. Floaters / coasters are aware of their capacities, see opportunities, and often are even pursued by others, but they rarely act on their possibilities. Some are temperamentally hesitant and slow to join in, while others can appear to be emotionally withdrawn or indolent and lacking in ambition. Checkmates have multiple but contradictory ambitions that they cannot resolve... feel they cannot extricate themselves from their mutually neutralizing ambitions and wishes. |
 Extreme
Non-Risk-Takers
focus totally on minimizing risk in their lives... because they try to
avoid situations in which they could possibly fail, they gravitate
toward occupations, relationships and activities that do not present
serious challenges or reflect their real interests.Delayers make postponing major decisions and commitments their central life theme. Stop-shorts are aware of their abilities, entertain ambitions, and make significant progress, but firmly hold back from fully reaching their goals. Self-Doubters / Self-Attackers block their success by holding high standards they feel they can never possibly meet and for which they therefore seldom strive. ... Paradoxically, they use self-criticism to defend themselves. By attacking themselves, they say, "Though I did not achieve all I could, at least I do not accept myself"... more styles: Charmers ; Extreme Risk-Takers ; Rebels ; Misunderstood Geniuses ; Best-or-Nothings ....Your
Own Worst Enemy:
Breaking the Habit photo from his site: Maximum Potential Project |
....~ ~ ~ ~
 .. .. Unfortunately, he was promoting it badly and it was going nowhere. He defended his failure by saying, "It will all unfold in its own time." Nonsense. |
Dreams
need people to champion them and act on their behalf.
This wait and see attitude ignores another essential truth: dreams come with an expiration date. If we don't do something about them, they either wither or take up residence elsewhere. Barbara
Winter - from
her article Dreams Can't
Wait, > more quotes by Barbara Winter on page: change / growth photo
from BarbaraWinter.com
- > book: Making
a Living Without a Job : Winning Ways For
Barbara Winter is a leader of workshops at |
*~ ~ ~ ~ --
more :......self-limiting: page 2.......self-limiting: page 3.........self-limiting resources : articles sites books.......some related pages:.......hiding / silencing abilities & talents........self-esteem / self concept.......nurturing talent.......
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