Self-limiting : page 2............Talent Development Resources

recognizing self-limiting beliefs, recognizing self-limiting habits, dealing with self-limiting beliefs, overcoming self limiting

.. An example of achievement: the first woman to manage a symphony orchestra, Adella Prentiss Hughes, Class of 1890, Vassar "These are utterly brilliant women," Dr. Christian says. "It would be hard to imagine that there would be many others out there that could match their brilliance, and yet they become a mess about achievement. They may be chronically late with projects. They might have a grant for a study and be two years behind on rolling it out. "One such woman had enormous difficulties with doing things on time. She had developed a brilliant thesis. Things had been so easy for her, and she was the kind of person who feared that because it all came too easy, that she really and truly was a fraud. And that is such a toxic thing." from interview with Kenneth W. Christian, Ph.D.  //  site:  Maximum Potential Project ...Your Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Habit of Adult Underachievement -  by Kenneth W. Christian, PhD  ~ ~ ~ ~ . Don't compromise yourself.  You're all you've got. Janis Joplin   quoted in the Changing Course newsletter ~ ~ ~ ~   .. .. The Art of Word Count [excerpt] 1) DON'T TRY - Drop the word "try" from your dictionary. To "try" is to initiate an unsuccessful attempt. Only other TRY-ers stick around someone who is linguistically trapped into the try aspect of existence. 2) NO MORE NO'S - For every time you are tempted to say "no", find something to say "yes" about and act on it. You will be amazed at how often we say "no" to something and fail to replace the negative with the alternative. Parents do it with their children all too frequently. Give yourself, and the others around you a "yes" to replace the "no". When we say "no" we are reacting. We place ourselves as a reactor and not an activator. Activators are attractive and desired, while reactors tend to be the victims of circumstance. 3) PLAY THE PART - If you want to be seen in an advanced position then you must walk, talk and dress the new position.  Mailroom clerks must look like assistants. Assistants must look and behave like CE's. Creative Execs must operate like a VP.  The language of your body is just as important as the words you choose. This doesn't mean buy a Lexus on a PA's salary, it means behaving like an executive while being smart enough to continue to drive your paid-off Honda Accord so that you eliminate the stress caused by overspending. from article The Art of Word Count - Watch Your Language -  by Tamara Taylor Leigh [Women in Film site] Tamara Taylor-Leigh coaching services site : XCel Dynamics   ~ ~ ~ ~   Common Manifestations of Motivational Paralysis Unhealthy Perfectionism -- self-esteem is based on attaining an unreasonable, even impossible standard Lack of Perspective -- poorly calibrated work evaluation skills. What is a challenging task? How long will it take to complete a particular task? How do you break an overwhelming task into reasonably-sized pieces? Skill Deficits -- planning skills are only developed when needed Low Mental "Muscle Tone" -- shame, embarrassment and humiliation when faced with challenges requiring sustained effort Limited Basis for Identity Formation -- if you are what you do, and you never do anything properly, then you're worthless Risk / Challenge Avoidance -- if I never try to start doing it, I won't have to experience failing to accomplish it Passive Resistance -- failing to suffer silently, in the form of poorly suppressed anger that "leaks" out in unfortunate ways Isolation -- a result of fear that you have to protect loved ones from stress, and fear that the real you isn't worthy of love from article Motivational Paralysis - by Anna Caveney   ~ ~ ~ ~   Underachievement -- failure to live up to potential -- exists in every age group, at every job level and in every field... Kenneth Christian [author of  book: Your Own Worst Enemy] estimates that one in four adults has the problem.  But sufferers should take heart, notes psychologist Pamela Brill [photo], author of The Winner's Way. "Underachievement isn't a permanent condition," she says, "but a mind-set -- a behavior pattern that you can change." from article: Getting Yourself Back on Track - by Dianne Hales, Parade, Mar 28 2004   ~ ~ ~ ~

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.Why Smart People Can Be So Stupid edited by Robert J. Sternberg One need not look far to find breathtaking acts of stupidity committed by people who are smart, or even brilliant.  The behavior of smart individuals -- from presidents to prosecutors to professors -- is at times so amazingly stupid as to seem inexplicable.  Why do otherwise intelligent people think and behave in ways so stupid that they sometimes destroy their livelihoods or even their lives? ~ ~ Contributor David N. Perkins lists eight deadly sins :  impulsiveness (doing something rash),

neglect (ignoring something important), procrastination (actively avoiding something important), vacillation (dithering), backsliding (capitulating to habit), indulgence (allowing oneself to fall into excess), overdoing (like indulgence, but with positive things) walking the edge (tempting fate). from Salon.com review by Gavin McNett

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Unfortunately most of us have little sense of our talents and strengths, much less the ability to build our lives around them. Instead, guided by our parents, by our teachers, by our managers, and by psychology's fascination with pathology, we become experts in our weaknesses and spend our lives trying to repair these flaws, while our strengths lie dormant and neglected. ...Marcus Buckingham, Donald O. Clifton. Now, Discover Your Strengths

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.. .. As women, too many of us operate from the "Everything for everyone else first" life model, and our creative work gets left in the dust. Burnout is stress overload and women need to learn to set firmer boundaries on what they can and cannot do, and insist upon help and emotional support from their relationships. Creative people must learn my strategy of the "Power of Subtraction" [see related book The Power of Positive Choices] and release things, people, and tasks from their lives that interfere with their time and peace of mind. Creativity must be given a high priority, even if it is not generating income at the moment.   ///

Burnout is most common in people who are over-committed in their lives, can't delegate or ask for help, and have perfectionistic or unrealistic expectations of what they can accomplish. Gail McMeekin - from Creative Burnout & Women:  An Interview by Becky Short, BellaOnline Gail McMeekin site: Creative Success ...The Power of Positive Choices:  Adding and Subtracting Your Way  to a Great Life by Gail McMeekin The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women:  A Portable Mento - by Gail McMeekin

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.. .. art guilt I'd like to quote an email sent to the ToleNet mailing list last year. In response to a question to the list that said "I feel so guilty when I sit down for a couple of hours to paint something!" artist Lorraine Ulenn wrote: "My mother crocheted beautifully, but like many women, felt she needed to put everyone and everything else before her own desire to create.

"When she died, she left a clean house, a closet full of things saved for "good", and a smattering of items she had made.  "I wish she had left a lot more dust and many more things I could hold and know her hands made them.  "I wish she had felt herself worthy of the good china and linens, and the joy that she felt when she finished a delicate piece of clothing.  "I know that I felt she was worthy of them. I think we are ALL worthy of the joy that our passions bring us." "All of us have different reasons for our "guilt" but it is all from societal pressure to do something worthwhile." I don't think I could phrase it any more eloquently than Lorraine did in her message. She is absolutely right. We are all worthy of the joy - and the time - it takes to develop our passions. from article by Tera Leigh [on her site]

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.. .. from article :  The Top 10 Reasons people don't live a prosperous life -  By Sandra Baptist 1. CLARITY  Many people don't know what they truly want in life. They have not clarified exactly what they desire and where they want to be within a year, 5 years even 3 months.  Because they don't know where they are going they drift along with the daily grind, totally forgetting that they want to attain true prosperity.

3. STRUGGLE Many are desperately trying to live a life of happiness, wealth and success. They are focused on achieving true prosperity but yet constantly find themselves struggling to attain it.  It is this struggle that actually prevent them from being truly prosperous. 4. FEAR -False Evidence Appearing Real. This one 4-letter word prevents us from going forward to achieve all that we desire. What will our family think? Will our friends still like us?  A very high percentage of persons fear success because of how it will affect us and our relationship with others. 7. OUT-GROW YOUR PEERS Some people don't want change. You may be hesitant to achieve your dreams, goals, you vision because once you do achieve true prosperity it may reduce your inventory of what is actually possible for you.  It may mean that you grow beyond your partner, your friends and your family. What will that mean for you? Sandra Baptist site : EliteCoachingGroup

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If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your lives. Abraham Maslow ...Toward a Psychology of Being - by Abraham H. Maslow Also see articles by Abraham Maslow.

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.. .. Do you really believe you can have what you want?  Or do you tend to operate with your feet in two camps -- one that says, 'I'm going out there and pursue my dream' and another that says, 'I'll also hedge my bets by doing something I don't love that much, just in case the dream thing doesn't work out.'  This is what Persephone Zill, a coach I’ve worked with, would call "indirectness" and I’m here to say that it doesn't work. I've spent a lot of time in life hedging my bets under the mistaken illusion that this is mature, business-like behavior.

The real irony is that seldom have these supposedly businesslike ideas ever produced income or other results that I thought for sure they would. The urge to hedge your bets often runs contrary to everything your gut instincts scream at you to do.  For instance, say you want to be a teacher. Your instinct says 'Quit the job! Go get licensed! Be a teacher kids never forget!" Meanwhile, you hedge your bets by dedicating most of your energy to work that doesn't feed your soul, and taking a course here and there that never really moves you any closer to the dream.  You justify your lack of action by insisting you can't afford to quit or alter your job, or deciding you don't want to change your lifestyle and live on a teacher's salary. from article Creative Juice - A Dozen Key Lessons for Creative Dreamers - by Suzanne Falter-Barns photo: Josh Kornbluth from his movie Haiku Tunnel

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I certainly do not adore the writer's discipline. I have lost lovers, endangered friendships and blundered into eccentricity, impelled by a concentration which usually is to be found only in the minds of people about to be executed in the next half hour.  Maya Angelou  -  quoted in The Written Word list 2/20/04

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.. .. "People are oblivious to TV's negative impact," says Christian [psychologist Kenneth Christian], adding that it's creating a nation of underachieving adults.  "What concerns me is when people sit down to watch TV, they turn into zombies. They go on automatic pilot." First they reach for the remote, then for something to eat. "Our TV habit is linked to other mindless habits, like going to the refrigerator. Habits support and mutually sustain one another," he says. According to Christian, author of book Your Own Worst Enemy.., "TV viewing is an extremely passive mental experience. People are using TV as a sedative. We get narcoticized.

.. .. "It fills a void and the void is creating more of a void," says Christian, who strongly believes that excessive TV watching atrophies not only mental and physical muscles, but also motivation and drive, and "it keeps us from attaining our maximum potential." from article Get off the couch! by Joanne Richard  calgarysun.com 2003-11-17 left image from turnoffyourtv.com image at right from Videodrome (1983) written  and directed by David Cronenberg

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.. .. As they enter adolescence, many girls lose track of themselves academically, or experience a self-silencing of their once-sturdy voices.  Others become at-risk physically or emotionally, slipping into depression or eating disorders.  Still others experience a slide in self-confidence that lowers their achievement and scatters their dreams, weighing down some of our most gifted young women with such self-doubt that the flights they have dreamt of no longer seem possible.  Researchers have called this, "hitting the wall." ....

During their five-year Laurel School study of 100 girls between the ages of seven and eighteen, Carol Gilligan and Lyn Mikel Brown observed that for many girls their collision with the wall had set off  troubling repercussions.  "Self-esteem collapses under the stress of the struggle," they write. As their Laurel School youngsters crossed into adolescence, Gilligan and Brown began to see in many of them signs of psychological trouble, depression, and eating disorders.  Despite talking about themselves as being more mature and despite getting good grades, the middle-school girls reported feeling depressed or numb and seemed at times unable to know and name their feelings and thoughts clearly.  The single most significant finding of the Laurel School study, according to Lyn Brown, was that "Girls can look good in school, do extremely well, and get high grades, while actually feeling bad. They are great masters at hiding their suffering."  from [free online book]: Power and Promise : Helping  Schoolgirls Hold Onto Their Dreams - by Tim Flinders  ...Lyn Mikel Brown, Carol Gilligan. Meeting at the Crossroads: Women's Psychology and Girls' Development photo: Hannah, age 13, from book Girl Culture

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,, .. At one point in her legal career, Ann had been a dynamo...  Once lauded as the consummate most valuable player, Ann was eventually plagued by not-so-quiet whispers about her chameleon like ability to transform herself into whomever each partner wanted her to be. Suddenly the qualities that had once been her most valuable assets felt like her greatest liabilities. ...

Her boundless interest and enthusiasm, previously characterized by being the first to volunteer to tackle the thorniest problem, now slid precipitously.  She became aloof and distant.  "After all the problems I created by being a standout, I decided that the best way to get along was to go along and just joylessly grind my way through the day like everyone else.  "It seemed to be the only way that I could make working there bearable. Everyone else seemed pleased about my so-called change, but I was miserable."  ...from Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, Psy.D.  The Gifted Adult:   - A Revolutionary Guide  for Liberating Everyday Genius photo: cast of "The Practice"

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Overexcitability...- The tragic gift .... Psychomotor OE - an excess of energy manifesting in rapid talk, restlessness, preference for violent games, sports, pressure for action, or delinquent behavior.  It may either be a "pure" manifestation of the excess of energy, or it may result from the transfer of emotional tension to psychomotor forms of expression such as those mentioned above (tics and self-mutilation). excerpts from article: Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration by Elizabeth Mika more on page :  Dabrowski on advanced development

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Newer research on self defeatists shows that fear and low self esteem are not the only culprits.  "Self defeat often seems to follow from people's inflated opinion of themselves," say Steven Berglas and Roy E. Baumeister, the authors of Your Own Worst Enemy... Even the occasional self-saboteurs who act from low self-esteem aren't trying to punish themselves these psychologists say. Rather, these people's judgment is distorted by their lousy self image. They don't see the reality of a situation or know their capacity to deal with it.  Not every stupid thing we do is self sabotage, of course. "Actions qualify as self-defeating only if the harm or loss outweighs the pleasure or benefits," the authors say.  More than the outcome of a behavior, the conscious and unconscious motives behind the behavior are what define it as self-defeating.  from article : Self-Defeating Behavior may be Ruining Your Chances of Success  at Home and on the Job by Loraine O"Connell  **Your Own Worst Enemy: Understanding the Paradox of Self-Defeating Behavior -  by Steven Berglas, Roy Baumeister

French poster for Rebel Without  a Cause

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Mark is not an underachiever, despite grades that indicate otherwise. He is a selective consumer: a student very much in touch with both himself and the world of learning but unwilling to do much of his assigned work because he sees little purpose in doing so. **from When Gifted Kids Don't Have All the Answers:  How to Meet Their Social and Emotional Needs  by James R. Delisle, PhD et. al.

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"When negative self-talk robs us of our enthusiasm for our dreams, we're suffering from the classic creative block... Self-criticism can seriously injure potential talent that wants to be expressed." These quotes from the book Putting Your Talent to Work by Lucia Capacchione and Peggy Van Pelt emphasize the damaging impact of some "inner dialogues" we may have with ourselves.  The authors note "Many of us perpetuate negative self-talk about talents that we don't accept."  One of their examples of someone suffering from this kind of self-defeating thinking is Joanna - who wanted to start a new creative venture, a dress shop, but reported, "Every time I start actually working on the business plan or anything concrete that might take me closer to my goal, I hear this voice in my head... It nags and predicts doom until I get a splitting headache."  from article Negative self-talk by Douglas Eby

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.. .. You are usually your own worst enemy. It's a classic Catch-22. You cannot truly create something great unless you are willing to share your tenderest, most vulnerable thoughts and feelings. Yet, once you do that, you may be racked with self-doubt and fear. Few artists are able to accurately assess just how valuable and great their work is -- or how much it will be appreciated by its audience. In other words, insecurity is the name of the game.

Suzanne Falter-Barns - from her article  Coaching Creativity: 7 Lessons From Artists ...her books:  How Much Joy Can You Stand : A Creative Guide to Facing Your Fears and Making Your Dreams Come True Living Your Joy: A Practical Guide to Happiness .. also founder of coaching resources site: HowMuchJoy.com - practical tools for creative dreamers - ..

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more :....self-limiting: page 1.........self-limiting: page 3.................

...self-limiting resources : articles books.........

*some related pages:.......self-esteem / self concept.......nurturing mental health.......nurturing talent.......

hiding / silencing abilities & talents.........failure

.................change / growth resources : books  articles..........change / growth sites.......

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