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Breaking free Start embracing your new identity as an awe-inspiring event. How? By getting more creative. By letting go of old ideas and notions and opening up to newness. ...  It means living deliciously and ‘dangerously’ by taking fresh risks with your talents and passions; the risks which pull you out of your comfort zone and into your soul’s hot-zone where your heart flutters, your knees shake, and your eyes water. There you will discover the staggeringly beautiful creature you have always been and have always wanted to be. I welcome you to find her now. > from article: Cosmetic Brain Surgery By Barbara Bernath      ~ ~ ~ ~ Why are you hurt? Self-importance, is it not? And why is there self-importance? Because one has an idea, a symbol of oneself, an image of oneself, what one should be, what one is or what one should not be. Why does one create an image about oneself? What awakens anger is that our ideal, the idea we have of ourselves, is attacked. And our idea about ourselves is our escape from the fact of what we are. But when you are observing the actual fact of what you are, no one can hurt you. Then, if one is a liar and is told that one is a liar it does not mean that one is hurt; it is a fact. Krishnamurti > related quote and book: Only the mind which has no walls, no foothold, no barrier, no resting place, which is moving completely with life, timelessly pushing on, exploring, exploding -- only such a mind can be happy, eternally new, because it is creative in itself. J. Krishnamurti - from his book: Think on These Things         ~ ~ ~ ~   .. .. Charlize Theron  2004 Academy Awards Often in our society, we are bombarded with the lives of celebrities. We can end up feeling that if we are not part of the rich and famous, our lives are insignificant.  Our society also sends a message of competition and achievement. We watch sports, we always hear about profit and the bottom line being the dollar, we see large companies competing and constantly buying each other out.  The result often is that we are taught to see how well we are doing, in terms of how pretty we are, how bright we are, what kind of house we have, how well we do in sports, what rewards we receive. However, in reality, these are external measures. Each of us needs to develop a sense of self-worth, a capacity for positive self-regard that comes from within. from article  Practical Steps to Enchantment - Improving Your Self Esteem - By Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein  ....books by Barbara Becker Holstein:    Enchanted Self : A Positive Therapy Recipes for Enchantment: The Secret Ingredient is You! available on her site The Enchanted Self   ~ ~ ~ ~ ** Both of us are very strong-willed and independent people [referring to her role as Pai in Whale Rider (dvd)]. Once I know what I want, I know I'm going to succeed, and that's that. Unless it's hard -- and then I can be a bit difficult, I guess! ... But it's a very inspiring thing for girls our age to watch a film like this, just because you're that age and you're changing, yet Pai is very confident and she knows who she is -- and I think that's the best thing about her. Keisha Castle-Hughes  [USATODAY.com 6/12/2003] - she is a New Zealand actress of Maori descent *related pages:.......identity......role models   ~ ~ ~ ~ Feelings of shame trigger deeper unrest than the simple fear of being found out does, says psychiatrist Michael Lewis, author of Shame : The Exposed Self.  Guilt is a response to bad behavior. Shame, on the other hand, "is so powerful because it's about a defective self," he says. In shame, explains Lewis, the very self is "rotten and no good."  That's why intense feelings of shame can actually drive people into shameless behavior, such as jealous rage. Yet a bit of bad feeling can be good. Emotions like shame or pride can serve as psychic regulators, Lewis says, and a healthy amount of shame may prevent you from impulsively doing something you'd later regret...  "We don't want to live in a world in which there is no shame or guilt," he says. "We want just enough to help us not do some of the awful things we could do." from article Seaven Deadly Sentiments by Kathleen McGowan, Psychology Today Jan/Feb 2004 ....Michael Lewis. Shame : The Exposed Self related article:.....Shame - by Douglas Eby   ~ ~ ~ ~

Many professional and recreational athletes have found listening to the Self-Esteem Supercharger before a game or match improves their performance. Professional soccer player Michael Cestone says, "I had tried subliminal tapes with limited results, so I had to try the Paraliminals because they were different. "I was desperately looking for something to help me prepare for the season. I noticed results immediately. "The first time I used the tape I felt more focused and was able to read the game better, as well as make faster decisions. That was only the beginning. ~ ~ More details about the above program on Personal Growth Information ~ ~ ~

.. .. Ever since Ms. Morrison began her first novel, The Bluest Eye, in 1965, writing has always been her place of clarity, an "unsullied place of envisioning and imagining," a place where she has been totally free. When I ask her how she silenced the naysaying voices that sit on the shoulders of so many young writers, she laughs again. "I guess I was just that arrogant. Nobody was going to judge me, because they didn't know what I knew. "No African-American writer had ever done what I did -- none of the writers I knew, even the ones I admired -- which was to write without the White Gaze. My writing wasn't about them."

"Things were going very fast in 1965, so I decided I wanted to write a novel that was not a warning but was just literature, and I wanted to put at the center of that story the most helpless creature in the world -- a little black girl who doesn't know anything, who has never been center stage.  "I wanted it to be about a real girl, and how that girl hurts, and how we are all complicitous in that hurt. I didn't care what white people thought, because they didn't know anything about this. "This was the age of 'black is beautiful,' and, well, yeah, that is certainly the case; however, let us not forget why that became a necessary statement. "This was brand-new space, and once I got there, it was like the whole world opened up, and I was never going to give that up.  "I felt original. I hate to admit that because it sounds so self-regarding, I didn't feel like an original human being, but the work was original. You know that feeling -- that if you don't write it, it will never be written? You think, Eudora Welty can't do it, only you." from The Truest Eye - interview with Toni Morrison by Pam Houston, O, The Oprah Magazine, Nov 2003 Toni Morrison books

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"Stop squandering the potential I gave you," says God. "Stop underachieving. Have some pride." "Pride?" Joan asks. "What happened to humility?" "Humility," God points out, "isn't actually humility unless you're good enough at something to be humble." from "Joan of Arcadia" starring Amber Tamblyn as Joan  [photo] -- in the CBS series [created by Barbara Hall] God appears to Joan in various guises: as a man driving a street sweeper, as a lunch lady, a newscaster, a guy fixing a streetlight, a little girl, and so on. [LA Times review Sep 26 2003]

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

.. .. We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Marianne Williamson  - from her book A Return To Love

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.. .. Her name is Jackie. In school, she was very smart and very funny and very loud. Her hand shot up first, every time, for every question, and rare was a wrong answer that fell from her lips.  I know now that it wasn't just about her accomplishing things, it wasn't so much about competition.  I know now, more than anything, what she wanted most of all was approval, attention, acknowledgement that she was not, as her father often told her, good for nothing, another mouth to feed and a big mouth at that. I know these things because I have kept in touch with her all these years. I've watched her go in and out of depressions and, despite success as an artist and a human, never find satisfaction or contentment in much of her work, many of her relationships. ....

.. .. There were other things I did, too. I decided to help her as much as I could. I began by reading a book by Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge.  Alice Miller, though she has the credentials, no longer calls herself a psychoanalyst. She has busied herself earning a reputation as someone who's a bit freakish and on the edge.  And she's done this simply by putting forth the basic tenet that children are not born evil and, consequently, in need of being broken by parent/trainers.  She holds that every prisoner of childhood, every "bad" person, every screwed-up adult, was somehow let down early on in life. And she backs up her claims with simple but powerful examples. from Natural Born Self-Deprecators - by Spike Gillespie, [above]  The Austin Chronicle - posted on her site Spike Speaks ....Surrender (But Don't Give Yourself Away) : Old Cars,  Found Hope, and Other Cheap Tricks - by Spike Gillespie Alice Miller books

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So it's good to have a healthy skepticism for your own work. But sometimes, unfortunately, with women, if there's a self-esteem issue, then it causes them to stop working.  One disturbing trend I see among gifted women is that sometimes a strong male figure in their life.. can shut them down very easily. Sandra Tsing Loh  - from interview

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My goal.. began to be and still is to be proud of what I'm doing, and I have almost never achieved that. That's an enormous goal for a writer; it's almost pretty close to impossible for any of us, but occasionally I have written a column, or sometimes it's only just a sentence that I'm pleased with. ....  Believe in yourself. If you're always worrying about what others think about you, and how they could change things for you, how you could use them to do something, you're just emptying yourself of all your potential and resources. ....

What you have to do is abandon that, turn that around, get your center back in. .... The only material you've got for the whole time on this planet is yourself, and you've got to see yourself as empowered. Empower yourself to live your own life. journalist, author, activist June Callwood - in the book Girls, Women and Giftedness ---June Callwood books

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The most notable fact that culture imprints on women is the sense of our limits. The most important thing one woman can do for another is to illuminate and expand her sense of actual possibilities.  Adrienne Rich ... [quoted in National Association of Women Writers naww.org newsletter] **The Fact of a Doorframe: Poems 1950-2001  /  related article: Web Thinking

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When I began investigating this case [Pacific Gas & Electric - in 1993: the story in the movie], I wasn't a high-priced attorney or even a go-getter paralegal. I was a divorced mom with three kids and struggling to pay the bills as a file clerk. But I didn't let a job title stand in my way. I wanted to help the people of Hinkley. I wanted to make a difference. But my story isn't unique. There are many unsung heroines in the world, and I'm honored to present some of their true-life tales as host of the new Lifetime show "Final Justice." ... These stories will remind you that if you believe in yourself, you can do anything. ... My message is always the same, whether I'm talking to a schoolteacher or a CEO. Life is about honor, integrity and believing in yourself. We all have it in us to be heroes; we just need to be reminded from time to time.  ....Erin Brockovich ............---Take It From Me: Life's a Struggle but You Can Win

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On the other hand, the novelist is likely to assume that what he or she does is not particularly intellectually challenging, as compared, for instance, to the work of a theoretical physicist.  Being able to envision settings and characters and transfer that complex and many-dimensional visual imagery into the linear realm of language, to develop an interesting plot or create a character that is both believable and emotionally commanding, to keep a story line and a philosophical argument balanced and moving, all may seem ordinary stuff to one who does it naturally.  "I'm not all that bright," the novelist may say or feel, "I just have this talent."  Meantime, if the novelist's computer goes down, the person who can come in and fix it, who understands how it works and what might have gone wrong, who can tinker with it and get it going again, seems to be "the smart one." All these people, the computer whiz, the novelist and the theoretical physicists could have comparable (even identical) extremely high IQ scores.  But each may see someone else as the "really gifted" person. from article: Self-Knowledge, Self-Esteem and the Gifted Adult by Stephanie S. Tolan

Meryl Streep found herself identifying not only with her own character, but with "Adaptation" screenwriter Charlie Kaufman's insecurities about his self-worth, which she figures is a universal pitfall among artists. "You realize that everyone is just eaten up by that feeling," she said. "Maybe it's a good thing. I hope it's some sort of breaking down of whatever is familiar to you. Whatever is complacent, whatever is easy. Whatever you've done before. "You're starting over. You're starting with nothing. How do you know how to do anything? Who do you think you are? That's sort of where you have to start in order to start true."  .....[Assoc Press, 12/10/02]

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[Referring to acting in Welcome to Collinwood:] I couldn't have asked for a better experience. [The two directors] had seen something in me that I hadn't seen in myself, and when people you respect see something in you that you didn't know you had, it's amazing.  I have low self-esteem as an actress because I'm not formally trained -- everything I've learned, I've learned from doing it -- so I fear people will discover I'm a fraud or something. Gabrielle Union***[Interview, Sept. 2002]

*related page:....impostor feelings

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As a youth, I hated myself for not being good enough. All my inadequacies and failures, not being kind enough, generous or understanding enough, would assail me at night. It became a habit to be guilty and self-castigating, not liking myself because I was unworthy... I really tortured myself.****Mira Sorvino

 
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Self-image: your perception of your ability to do a certain task Self-esteem: the importance you place on your ability (or inability) to do something Counselors or teachers may talk about a student's high or low self-esteem as if it were a singular, all-encompassing trait when, in fact, it's content-specific. To say that "Maria has low self-esteem" is a generalization, and, like all generalizations, isn't accurate. Gifted kids often tend toward perfectionism, so helping them see both the connections and distinctions between self-image and self-esteem may allow them to see the importance of being selective in their quest for excellence. *from book: When Gifted Kids Don't Have All the Answers:  How to Meet Their Social and Emotional Needs by James R. Delisle, PhD et. al.

*related page:**perfectionism*

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With no attempt there can be no failure; with no failure no humiliation.  So our self-feeling in this world depends entirely on what we back ourselves to be and to do. William James (1842-1910), The Principles of Psychology

*related page:**failure

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Gillian Anderson explained part of how she has found her own creative boldness: "I have been so blessed to portray such a phenomenal woman as Dana Scully. She has taught me about strength and self-worth and personal power. In early episodes, when I was called upon to address large groups of male FBI agents with authority and self assurance, I felt so scared and weak that my voice would come out high-pitched and shaky. "But the more I 'acted as if' I was self-assured, the more I felt powerful. And believe it or not, it can be that simple. 'Acting as if' is sometimes all it takes to empower oneself... the more I do this, the more people listen to what I have to say and value my opinion." ..... from article Being Bold by Douglas Eby

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The creator lives for his work. He needs no other men. His primary goal is within himself. ... The basic need of the creator is independence. The reasoning mind cannot work under any form of compulsion. It cannot be curbed, sacrificed or subordinated to any consideration whatsoever. It demands total independence in function and in motive. To a creator, all relations with men are secondary. Howard Roark in The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand -- played by Gary Cooper in the movie photo of Gary Cooper by George Hurrell - related book: Hurrell's Hollywood Portraits

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I will not tolerate constriction in my life and it's a great joy to feel that freedom. I encourage people who are afraid of speaking up to be a little freer with what they're feeling, because it's utterly liberating to come into one's own voice, to feel proud of that voice despite public stereotypes that would silence it.  Judith Orloff, M. D. posted in National Association of Women Writers - NAWW - Woman's Quote of the Day list - September 5, 2002*

...related pages:...intuition / instinct***psychic ability*********interview  with Judith Orloff

*****her books:****Second Sight****Guide to Intuitive Healing

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Our culture is concerned with matters of self-esteem. Self-respect, on the other hand, may hold the key to achieving the peace of mind we seek. The two concepts seem very similar but the differences between them are crucial. To esteem anything is to evaluate it positively and hold it in high regard, but evaluation gets us into trouble because while we sometimes win, we also sometimes lose.  To respect something, on the other hand, is to accept it. ... The person with self-respect simply likes her- or himself. This self-respect is not contingent on success because there are always failures to contend with. Neither is it a result of comparing ourselves with others because there is always someone better. from article: Self-esteem vs. Self-respect by Ellen Langer [Psychology Today] Ellen J. Langer, a professor of psychology at Harvard University, is author of the book: The Power of Mindful Learning

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The feeling of self-respect and self-esteem will come and go, like any other feeling. Constructive Living suggests that "reality-esteem" is a more solid basis for living than "self-esteem."  We keep changing: Sometimes we're smart, sometimes not... We aren't particularly deserving of esteem sometimes. Yet reality continues to sustain us. David K. Reynolds, PhD  .... [O, the Oprah Magazine, March 2001] A Handbook for Constructive Living by David K. Reynolds

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