self-esteem  / self concept : page 4....... .Talent Development Resources --..home page...site map

Natalie Portman : Sometimes I get scared that I’m not a creative person, because it seems creative people are really flaky... I feel like I could probably be a better agent than an actor, because I’m, like, on top of things. Actors always lose their stuff, park their car and can’t find it… /// I try to bring attention to worthy things happening in the world, and the good work that people are doing. But then people are like, “You’re so serious and not fun”.

Zach Braff : I think it’s true, because I heard that about you and then I met you and you’re so silly and so funny. Natalie Portman : I hope so. I mean, I don’t mind being serious. I like being serious. I take myself seriously. I’m trying to be all that I can be. Esquire, Aug 2004 - posted on natalieempire.com Zach Braff and Natalie Portman star in Garden State [dvd] > photo from Closer [dvd] > related page: ..social activism

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I believe one has to stop holding back for fear of alienating some imaginary reader or real relative or friend, and come out with personal truth.  If we are to understand the human condition, and if we are to accept ourselves in all the complexity, self-doubt, extravagance of feeling, guilt, joy, the slow freeing of the self to its full capacity for action and creation, both as human being and as artist, we have to know all we can about each other, and we have to be willing to go naked. May Sarton  -- from Heron Dance newsletter 6/9/04  ---Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton

*related page:.....the shadow self

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.. .. Is there a place in your life that you would like to enter, but feel like you might not be up to snuff?  Maybe you're telling yourself you don't have the experience, credentials, contacts, or right stuff.  But truly I believe, we are drawn where we belong. We may feel awkward, but that doesn't negate the dynamic grace within us.

There is a part of all of us who knows how to dance our dance. There is a place within the shy person where they are uninhibited and free. ... I do not have to be a different person to fit my right life. I have to give myself over to the experience. ...  Our blooms are already within us. All you desire to be --- is simply a recognition of all that you are inside. Tama J. Kieves - from her newsletter Trusting the Journey Times ---Tama J. Kieves. This Time I Dance: Trusting  the Journey of Creating the Work You Love

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*related page:.......mental fitness

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It's really hard for me [to slow down], because part of my self-worth has always been tied into my productiveness. You get so caught up by that, that sometimes your life... well, it ends up in the dumper.  My relationships have suffered, but I think I've led the life I'm supposed to be leading. Sheryl Crow from article Why Success Isn't Enough For Sheryl Crow - by Deborah Baer, Lifetime, Nov 2003 photo from sherylcrow.com  /  bio: Sheryl Crow  /  CD: The Very Best of Sheryl Crow

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The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.  Carl Gustav Jung

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BBC: Meg Ryan's character [in the movie based on the novel In the Cut ] is asked if she is happy when she wakes up in the morning. Are you happy, Jane? Jane Campion: Not when I was writing this story, no. I'd feel like there were voices in my mind going, "You're f****** pathetic. You're hopeless."  This is the sort of dialogue I live with. My unconscious would get going before I'd even have a chance to say "Stop". It'd be, "You're a joke. You're F***ed. You're full of S***."  Then I'd go, "Grrrrrrr", and struggle my way into the day. When I became aware of that, which I gave to Meg's character, I thought, "Hey, you've really got a problem." So I've tried to do something about it. from BBC interview by Stephen Applebaum   /   related book: Jane Campion: Interviews

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I'm heading in a direction that is right for me, getting closer to the creative fulfillment that I desire, and I'm loving the journey. Pride. Trusting myself. Having faith in each project.  Trying to do it my way with integrity and, hopefully, a lot of laughs.  The best gift has been realizing that the only person I have to prove something to is myself. I'm going to find my way through the maze. I will not be sitting on my tail waiting. You can be damn sure of that. from article: "Ali Larter... Redefined" - by Ali Larter, Ingenue, Autumn 2003 [photo from ingenue.com]

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I spent the bulk of my time at Barnard either in class or studying in my dorm room. Working hard there felt more like a game than a chore to me, though, and for the most part I enjoyed myself.  I had always been a good student, but never before had I been around so many other people who were also high achievers. I saw myself in my fellow students and it made me aware of my own worth, gave me a sense of momentum and pride that I had never experienced before. I was happy, and safe, in my little world. ---Strawberry Saroyan. Girl Walks into a Bar: A Memoir

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"I don't want to be a whiner." "Then you'll need to learn how to accept your superiority," I retorted. "My what? What do you mean?" Jane was dumfounded. "I'm not superior." All your complaints - your whining, if you will - center around your probably accurate assessment that your dates aren't as smart as you, professors aren't as humble,  and fellow students aren't as interesting as you. ---The Road Less Traveled and Beyond by M. Scott Peck, MD

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.

.. .. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Marianne Williamson  - from her book A Return To Love

 

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I subscribe to the theory that says you're a product of all your experiences. And I am finally, most of the time, happy with the product. I now think it's OK to be Patty Duke. ...  I take my medicine. I never miss taking my medicine. That doesn't mean I don't still have demon thoughts about my inadequacies. It's just that I have now reached a point where I know that if I just keep moving on, those little thoughts will go their way. Patty Duke....[Lifetime/Intimate Portrait Feb 2003] ---autobiography: Call Me Anna... A Brilliant Madness : Living With Manic-Depressive Illness

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Self-esteem is one of those things you earn by doing things. If you are not doing all you're capable of, you know this, and so you can't talk yourself into self-esteem.  It's hard to fool the most important person -- you. Take some action today that will make you feel good about yourself. This could be something as simple as cleaning out one closet! We always feel good after a "job well done." Then work on your self-talk. How we talk to ourselves generates over a lifetime. First become aware of what you say to yourself all day long. 80% of our "conversation" is with ourselves.  If you're saying, "I'm a failure," this is what your brain is hearing, and it will work to make this come true. Cancel this thought...  Susan Dunn, MA, of Momentum Coaching - from her article How Can You Increase Your Self-Esteem?

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Throughout my undergraduate and graduate years, I spent my time in predominantly white colleges resisting racism in all its forms while carving subculture space for me to read my Emily Dickinson without some white person questioning my love of her work.  In the all-black world of my growing up, I was never made to feel that my love of Shakespeare, of the Romantic poets, of Emily Dickinson, was weird.  Learning was natural and loving great writing was natural. It was not a black or white thing to do, it was the thing to do because it was the way to improve one's lot in life economically and culturally. It was in the context of whiteness that I was encouraged to see myself as separate from other black people, better somehow because I was intelligent. Now this thinking ran counter to everything my parents had taught me.

.. .. And I resisted it, as did the few black peers I would have as classmates. We were always turning to our roots for affirmation and sustenance, to traditional black folks culture.  That subculture was not powerful simply because our skin was dark; it was powerful because it was a culture of resistance, a world where our self-esteem and our soulfulness was nurtured. .---.Rock My Soul by bell hooks

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I went out for this movie, 'Digging to China,' and they told me I didn't have 'it.'  I said to myself, Oh no, I'm so screwed, I don't have 'it.' When I got 'Once and Again,' I figured I had 'it' back.   Evan Rachel Wood  .. [Entertainment Weekly, 6/20/2002]

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Once set in motion any creative dynamic self-pertpetuates, continually reinforced by it's own output of events that dynamically feed back into their source, giving rise to a new display of the characteristics, which feed back ad infinitum. The nature of our source is constant, its display infinitely varied. My mind maintains a steady image of my ego-self, while yet incorporating into it an inordinately complex new set of experiences, emotions, and thoughts. I have always been simply me, yet I realize that five-year-old me and my current me have very little in common except the central agreement of always being me. ---Joseph Chilton Pearce.  Evolution's End: Claiming The Potential of Our Intelligence

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You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous.  And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life. Ole Golly [Rosie O'Donnell] to Harriet [Michelle Trachtenberg]  in Harriet the Spy (1996) - based on the book by Louise Fitzhugh

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Our central proposition is that people seek to maintain, protect, and enhance self-esteem by attempting to obtain success and avoid failure in domains on which their self-worth has been staked.  Contingencies of self-worth, then, serve a self-regulatory function, influencing the situations people select for themselves, their efforts in those situations, and their reactions to successes and failures. from Crocker, J., & Park, L. E. (2003). Seeking self-esteem: Construction,  maintenance, and protection of self-worth.  In M. Leary and J. Tangney (Eds.), Handbook of self and identity Jennifer Crocker, PhD [photo] is at the University of Michigan Contingencies of Self-Esteem Lab

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I so wanted to fit in with my brothers, and I was always playing with the boys, and I probably seemed real comfortable. I was a really great athlete; I was included because I was good enough and they needed me on the team.  But at a certain point, everybody got older, and the boys were all better athletes than me. And my whole self-worth had been based on the notion that I understood men and was strong and tough and could beat anybody up. It never occurred to me that a time would come when I wasn't as physically strong as my brothers. Elisabeth Shue ....[GQ, Oct 1996 - quoted on eonline.com]

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I beat myself up every time I start a film but that's certainly not unique. I don't know anyone who doesn't beat themselves up at one time or another. I think that's human nature. ...  Doing Adaptation literally rejuvenated me. Seeing the kind of chances Spike [Jonze] and Charlie [Kaufman] take made me want to do the same. That's why I decided to direct.. [which] was an exhilarating experience because it proved I'm still pushing my limits.  It's so exciting for me to be creatively naked. That's how I felt when I first started out. It's good to have those feelings back.........Nicolas Cage... [Calgary Sun 12/6/01]   / photo: as Charlie Kaufman in "Adaptation" - related page: screenwriting

 

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I won't play a woman who is just a tool. ... Women don't need our self-esteem lowered. We need to build it up. In some way, a woman has to win against depravity and abuse.  I was raised to believe we need to live the best that's in us, not buy into the worst elements of our nature. ... Don't settle for average. Bring your best to the moment.    Angela Bassett*****[Parade, Feb. 17, 2002]

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Ellen Muth [stars as George (for Georgia) Lass in the Showtime series Dead Like Me] :  The way I differ from George is that I have something that interests me, and some direction... the way I do relate to her, though, is that I have low self-esteem, and so does George, even though I'm not sure if she realizes it.  But I still feel like I haven't accomplished anything, and she feels that way, too, like she never accomplished anything in her life. And I still feel like I haven't made it anywhere, I haven't done anything, and I'll never get anywhere in life, and I'm going to be a failure my whole life.  And I know in the rational part of my mind that it's not true.   UGO.com interview, July 2003 posted on ellen-muth.com At 14, Ellen Muth drew widespread attention with her portrayal of the young Selena in the film "Dolores Claiborne." .... Her first starring role in feature film "The Young Girl & the Monsoon," earned her the AFI Los Angeles International Film Festival Best Actress Award in 1999. [info from Showtime page]

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Listening to your heart is not simple. Finding out who you are is not simple. It takes a lot of hard work and courage to get to know who you are and what you want. Sue Bender  - posted on W-ISDOM mailing list photo by David Bender for January Magazine profile ....Everyday Sacred : A Woman's Journey Home by Sue Bender

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People with low self-esteem generally find themselves at one of the extremes of achievement, either as an overachiever or as an underachiever. Some take the road of continually channeling their energies into attempts to receive recognition, approval, and affirmation, and become highly successful in their careers and educational endeavors; they are driven; they are 'overachievers.'  They may become workaholics in their attempts to increase their sense of self-worth: obsessive about completing projects, constantly striving from perfection, or continually taking on huge new undertakings... Others slink back in fear, never realizing their skills or talents. In their insecurity, they are afraid to try new things and are frightened by the challenges they face, vulnerable to the possibility of failure and humiliation. While these people are often capable and bright, they do not recognize or utilize their skills because their motivation has been so repressed and their fear of failure is so great...****Marilyn J. Sorensen, PhD. from her book Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem  //  Dr. Sorensen is director of The Self-Esteem Institute

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from Psychology Today Nov/Dec 95 Self-esteem, it turns out, is a lot like love. We often go looking for it in all the wrong places. We attempt to bolster our sense of self from within. We may even resort to repeating simplisitc self-affirmations. But in fact, self-esteem is more a reflection of our relationship to others. In a bold new theory that turns conventional wisdom inside out, psychologist Mark R. Leary, Ph.D., proposes that self-esteem is a kind of a meter built into us to detect -- and to prompt us to avert -- the threat of social rejection. After all, when asked about happiness, people usually focus on the quality of their relationships to others. A happy marriage, a good family life, good friends -- all rank above occupational success, financial security, and possessions.  "Clearly, potent affective reactions are tied to the degree to which people are included in meaningful interpersonal relationships," says Leary, a professor at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Think of self-esteem as the fuel gauge on a car. Most of us are busy driving around trying to keep the indicator from registering "empty." The whole time, we're focused on the alerting system--instead of on its true function: keeping fuel in the tank.  "In the same way, in focusing on the psychological gauge, many psychologists have erred by concluding that people are motivated to maintain self-esteem for its own sake," Leafy says. Instead, we should be using self-esteem as a gauge "to keep our 'interpersonal gas tanks' from running low." Call it a "sociometer." When self-esteem sinks to the danger zone, the appropriate response is not to fix some inner sense of self, but to repair your standing in the eyes of others, to behave in ways that maintain connections with other people. *related book: **Social Anxiety by Mark R. Leary

 
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Bursting the Self-Esteem Bubble by David Dent -- [Psychology Today Mar/Apr 2002] People with high self-esteem may be more of a threat to society than those with a lower sense of self-worth, according to a controversial 100-page report.  Nicholas Emler, Ph.D., a social psychologist at the London School of Economics, found that people with high self-esteem are more likely to be racist, violent and criminal. Low self-esteem increases the risk of eating disorders, suicide and depression, but it is not a factor in delinquency or substance abuse, according to Emler.  The study was commissioned by the Joseph Rowntree Foundation, the United Kingdom's largest think tank, and is distributed by York Publishing Services. Emler reviewed seminal research on self-esteem as well as hundreds of study abstracts before concluding that genes are more important than parenting or environment and low self-esteem is not a risk factor for poor academic performance. Black teenagers voiced higher self-esteem than whites, a difference Emler attributes in part to presentation. "Black teens are willing to say things about themselves that others may not feel comfortable saying," maintains Emler, who also found that people with high self-esteem may have an unrealistic sense of themselves. "They expect to do well at things, discount failure and feel beyond reproach." High self-esteem seems most dangerous when it colors racial and ethnic tolerance. "People with incredibly positive views of themselves feel anybody who differs from them is an insult," explains Emler. "They just don't like people who are different." These pitfalls have yet to curb the booming self-help industry. More than 3,000 book titles on the Barnes & Noble Web site contain the term "self-esteem."

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