Talent Development Resources..................social reactions / interactions : page 3****

 

Power Freaks:  Dealing With Them in the Workplace or Anyplace    by David L. Weiner, Robert E. Lefton Battling the Inner Dummy:  The Craziness of Apparently Normal People   by David L. Weiner

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Have you noticed that the more you try to control the people and events in your life, the less in control you feel?
But when you relax the tightness of your grip, and pay attention to what is actually happening (instead of what you think
should be happening), then you are fully available to respond creatively and appropriately in each moment.

How does one do this? Make the shift from the Security/Control Mindset to the Learning/Discovery Mindset and see
what a profound difference it makes in your personal and business success. Learning/Discovery is the ability to live
in a continual state of openness to being surprised and a continual state of acceptance of "what is." ...

When you are focused on learning, as opposed to controlling, your attention naturally goes toward discovering what
this current situation requires of you. You do not waste valuable time and energy wishing things were different, assigning
blame, trying to be right, or manipulating people.

Susan Campbell, PhD [quotes from susancampbell.com]

*book:**Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life by Susan Campbell, Brad Blanton
 
 

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Power Freaks:

 

Growing up in a middle class African-American family, I was taught that you have to work really hard, but not to put any boundaries on yourself, because Lord knows that society is going to put enough on you anyway. Audra McDonald***[from profile: biography.com/icons]

 

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[Has being an out lesbian hurt you or helped you? Number one, as a writer? Number two, politically within the Hollywood system?] First of all, being a woman hurts you in every way, shape, and form. Being gay doesn't affect my career one way or the other. It makes it a little easier for me to deal with guys. I'm sort of in-your-face no matter what. I've always been that way. I have a foul mouth and all that, so I deal with the men in the business pretty well for the most part, but if I wasn't a woman of any kind, I would be doing far better. Simple. ... Some [TV network] people love me, and some people find me difficult. I'm difficult because I stand up for what I believe. Shame on me for having an opinion and not being a hack who just goes, "Yes, ma'am; yes, sir. Yes, ma'am; yes, sir." I don't know how to do it any other way, and if I did it another way, I wouldn't have the voice I have. ****Lee Rose Among many other projects, Rose wrote and directed The Truth About Jane,****[Written By, October 2002]

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It becomes easier to fail at certain points. ... At this stage in life, there's a certain amount of power to get things done. Along with that power, there's responsibility. And to forget about that responsibility can be dangerous. They beat you down. There are so many different things out there that can get you. There are so many.  There's a lot of invalidation. When you become successful in any type of life, there are people who are not contributing to the motion. Tom Cruise.....[imdb.com celeb news 4.11.02]

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For years I let fear and self-doubt rule my life, too afraid to step out on my own and follow my true desires.  I designed my life according to the blueprints of others. I made people-pleasing a full-time career, trusted the advice of friends before my own, and sabotaged my success each time I came too close to doing something other than what others thought I should do.  It wasn't until I faced the truth of how attached I was to the opinions of everyone else that I realized how clueless I was about my own. If you feel as though your life revolves around the needs or expectations of others, here's an important message for you to hear:  You have deep within you the power to fulfill your highest vision of your life. To engage this power, you must develop a solid personal relationship with yourself.  By doing so, you'll tap into a wealth of inner strength that will allow you to take the necessary actions that build confidence and self-esteem.

.. .. When you learn to stop hiding your power and use fear to your advantage, you'll become less attached to what others want for you and more attached to what you want for yourself.  As this shift occurs, you'll naturally begin to lead a more authentic and passionate life. *Stand Up for Your Life : Develop the Courage, Confidence and  Character to Fulfill Your Greatest Potential - by Cheryl Richardson

*related page:*self-esteem / self concept

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Until you're known in my profession as a monster, you're not a star.  Bette Davis   [1908-1989]  quote from bettedavis.com ; photo from book: Bette Davis Speaks

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Gail McMeekin: "For many women, breaking free of our societal and psychological chains
is a prerequisite to truly creating a life that expresses our genuineness and uniqueness."

*book:**The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women
 

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Vice, virtue, it's best not to be too moral - you cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality.    ///  Harold, everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You can't let the world judge you too much. Ruth Gordon[1896 - 1985] as Maude in Harold and Maude (1971) dvd*/*play by Colin Higgins

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Recently, a friend asked how I could stand to work in the entertainment industry. "It's full of sharks," he said. "How do you do it?"  I laughed and said, "There are no sharks." That's certainly how we all think of the entertainment industry -- sharky waters.  I remember the first time I saw one of those bad boys headed for me; I had a fight-or-flight response.  I had the sharkiest shark of them all circling for the kill.

As he made demands and threats, I asked myself, 'What else is at play here? What's below the surface?'  I looked right into his eyes and had a flash: he's wearing a shark costume! Under the costume, there was simply a man.  A guy in a getup. It was hard not to throw my head back and laugh right then. I thought, I know that costume -- we all do, whether we ever put it on or not.  Instead of fear or anger, I felt some amusement, compassion, and enthusiasm -- and those three qualities brought me ease.  I realized I had to (a) find out what our connection was, (b) have fun doing it, and (c) relate to the human being, not the costume. Lenedra Carroll - mother and manager of Jewel  [from interviewon Oprah.com]

.. her book: The Architecture of All Abundance: Creating a Successful Life in the Material World

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.. .. Evidence abounds that creative ideas are often rejected. Initial reviews of major works of literature and art are often negative. ...  Some of the greatest scientific papers have been rejected not just by one, but by several journals before being published. ...

People typically want others to love their ideas, but immediate universal applause for an idea usually indicates that it is not particularly creative. Robert J. Sternberg, Yale University excerpt from article: "The Role of Creativity in the Dialectical Evolution of Ideas" in Bulletin of Psychology and the Arts, 2(1), 2001 *Robert J. Sternberg.   Defying the Crowd:  Cultivating Creativity in a Culture of Conformity

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**

"People either think that I'm stupid, really innocent, or just not that deep. Sometimes it's fun to let them think what they want, then kind of, um... mess with them."  Heather Graham     [imdb / wenn.com 4.30.01] "You want to be acknowledged for your entire self. ... Sometimes people see you in such a rigid, structured way that doesn't really recognize you as a whole person."    Heather Graham  .. [Talk mag. Feb.2001]

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To have the energy of five women on the set everyday is incredible [referring to the cast of her Lifetime series "The Division"]. It's a completely different feeling than when there is a bunch of guys there. I love it.  I love the sound of women's voices when there are so many of them. There is a lot of laughter, a lot of fooling around that goes on because we are comfortable with each other in a way we can't possibly be with men. We have women A.D.'s, P.A.'s, women in the sound department.. the camera department, and our set dresser is a woman. Bonnie Bedelia  .. [Lesbian News, March 2002]  //****related article:....The Company of Women

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People wrestle sometimes making movies. I think conflict is a very essential thing. If the reasons everyone is pushing each other have to do with a group desire to make things as good as possible, that's a great thing!  And I think a lot of very happy productions have produced a lot of very banal movies. ... To me, being difficult is not being enthusiastic, and talking about it and trying to improve the performance. Edward Norton   ... [LA Times Dec 29 2002]

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So where does [his bad reputation] come from? Maybe he's not social enough, the actor suggests. "You've all sat here with other actors and wondered, 'How do they keep getting work?' -- 'cause they're not that good, but it's because they're social," he says. "They're hired and they're nice on set. And they get some work."  ***Val Kilmer***[Toronto Sun 4/21/02]

 

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Those who are bold enough to advance before the age they live in,
and to throw off, by the force of their own minds, the prejudices
which the maturing reason of the world will in time disavow,
must learn to brave censure.

We ought not to be too anxious respecting the opinions of others.

  Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley  [author of "Frankenstein" - in 1818]
 

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Wayne Dyer: "Society has a tendency to honor its living conformists,
and its dead troublemakers." [author: Wisdom of the Ages]

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Legally Blonde star Reese Witherspoon is horrified to discover many Hollywood producers think women cannot be funny. ... She says, "There are many stereotypes - I've heard that women aren't funny, which is bizarre to me, and I've been to auditions where they're just not interested in what you have to say. ...  I've finally reached a point where I feel I deserve an opinion. I've been working for 12 years now professionally. You just have to feel confident. I think that's the hardest part, just overcoming your insecurities and saying, 'Wait a second, my opinions are just as valid as anyone else's'."     [imdb.com Celebrity News: 26th October 2001]

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What constitutes a bad girl [in Hollywood] is having a personality ... a sense of humor. An opinion. Confidence.   Lara Flynn Boyle [Reuters 1.8.01]

 

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"Do you give up the greater part of your vocabulary because it isn't understood
and it sounds pretentious?"  [from posting on a gifted adults eGroup]
 

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"If you're passionate, people get suspicious. It's much cooler and safer
to show nothing and be glib, because if you're not showing anything,
no one can nail you. That reflects a really low responsibility level in
my opinion, and it's not the way we're gonna change things on this planet.
If you're passionate, you take responsibility for being what you're feeling."

  Jenna Elfman [ET Online]

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"What's the matter with everyone? They look at me like I'm a green bug."
'ordinary guy' turned genius, George Malley (John Travolta), in movie Phenomenon
 

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"Some journalist wrote that I was ambitious, and I was so insulted. I'm not!
Because to me, ambitious implies that you'd climb over your grandmother
to succeed. I like to excel! The word ambitious didn't sit well with me.
Maybe it's true, but I don't feel like I am."

Cindy Crawford  [Cosmopolitan, Jan.96]

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It drives me nuts that I have to constantly deal with what I represent as opposed to what I actually have written. I've lived my whole life convulsed with various admirations...  I spend a good part of my public conversation dealing with people's ideas about what I represent, as opposed to what I espouse or what the work is worth... we come back to "intellectual" and "smart."  If I were a man, would people always be talking about me being an intellectual or so smart?'     Susan Sontag      [Atlantic mag. interview]

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I think that if women don't have long eyelashes and blond hair, there's a tendency to want to fit them into some sort of box. Journalists use words like outspoken to define you as a commodity that can be understood in the most simplistic way.  Judy  Davis        [US, May 1997]

 

  related page: body image

 

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Top Ten Criticisms Gifted People Hear:

  (and some ideas for responses from Maureen Neihart, Psy.D.)

10. Why don't you slow down?   (Fast is normal for me.)

9. You worry about everything.  (I care...)

8. Can't you just stick to one thing?  (I have many interests.)

7. You're so sensitive and dramatic?  (I have great intensity.)

6. You have to do everything the hard way.   (I am interested in complexity.)

5. You're so demanding!   (I have high standards for myself, as well as others.)

4. Can't you ever be satisfied?          3. You're so driven!

2. Where do you get all those wild ideas?          1. Who do you think you are?

  book: Mary-Elaine Jacobsen. The Gifted Adult : A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius

 
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"There's a healthy level of sociopathy. [Laughs.] To really achieve any level of greatness, you have to be willing to say yes no matter who says no, and to say no no matter who says yes."      Sharon Stone          [E! Online interview]

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"Many writers get into trouble for their writing. When they merely think they are telling the truth,
they offend people. This tendency to be frank has not left me as I've aged. I still get into trouble
for my writing."

       Jane Piirto, PhD

[from article "Why Does a Writer Write?", Advanced Development, Jan.96] [books by Jane Piirto]

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"Italian Baroque painter Artemisia Gentileschi... is two distinctly different entities.
One is a gorgeous early-17th-century Lolita. The other is a fearlessly ambitious teen-age
prodigy who is so sure of her talent that she breaks the rules of female decorum and dares
go where no 'nice' woman of her time and station has gone before."

     [from review of film Artemisia]
 

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Sinead O'Connor: "As artists.. our function is to express the feelings of the human race - to always speak the truth and never keep it hidden, even though we are operating in a world which does not like the sound of the truth."

 

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"In the past, women have been judged on the Three H's -- hair, husband and hemlines.
If one woman runs [for political office], she's judged on the Three H's; if two women run,
they're considered by the press as candidates in a cat fight.

But when three women run, the scrutiny of them as women diminishes, and they are viewed
as capable people who are looked at through their accomplishment, their agenda and their
vision of the future."

   Barbara Lee, of The White House Project [Parade Magazine, Feb. 7.99]

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"When I graduated from CalTech with a BS in physics, and went on to English in grad school --
in our family, with our values, it was kind of a failure not to go on to your PhD in physics.
To go on to a PhD in English was like a failure, because it was a soft topic. ..

I was the youngest in my family, but the first to break out of that, and it was all very shocking
to everyone, and it looked like I was at the beginning of a tragic tumble into living as a street person."

    from interview with writer/comic/radio host Sandra Tsing Loh

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"The shadow acts like a psychic immune system, defining what is self and what is not-self.
For different people, in different families and cultures, what falls into ego and what falls into
shadow can vary. For instance, some permit anger or aggression to be expressed; most do not.

Some permit sexuality, vulnerability, or strong emotions; many do not. Some permit financial
ambition, or artistic expression, or intellectual development, while some do not."

from introduction to book:
Connie Zweig, Steve Wolf. Romancing the Shadow: Illuminating the Dark Side of the Soul

[from review:]  "Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side:
an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore, but which can erupt
in hurtful ways.

As therapists Connie Zweig and Steve Wolf show... the shadow can actually be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life."

*related page:**the shadow self*

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"A woman to live heroically must belong to herself alone; she must be the center of her own life
to pursue a wholeness or integrity that is fluid, inclusive and interconnected... a female hero
must insist upon herself, something that most women are neither taught nor encouraged to do."

   Kathleen Noble - from article:

Entitled to Be Exceptional
Although gifted men may also experience a self-defeating aversion to expressing feelings or aspects of themselves that might separate them from others, gifted women, according to a number of sources, are more acutely sensitive to fitting in with social expectations, and may engage in a denial of their capabilities, experience difficulty in embracing their talents and have a compromised sense of entitlement to be exceptional.

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"It's hard to be gifted and creative in North America where if you're anything other than
the typical person, it's inexcusable, unforgivable in some ways... we're supposedly created
equal - well, what if it turns out some people are smarter than the others? ..So this idea
is threatening. And more so for women"

Paula Caplan - from interview

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