Claudia Puig writes in USA TODAY about Williams’ “bravura performance.”

Roger Ebert thinks “What happens during the famous week [in the movie] hardly matters. What matters is the performance by Michelle Williams.”

A number of those reviewers refer to her exceptional performance as “channeling Marilyn Monroe.”

But I think that idea discounts Williams’ intense emotional and intellectual work in realizing such a complex and powerful performance; Williams is not a passive “channel” – she is a very actively engaged artist.

Continued (with trailer video):

Michelle Williams on Interpreting Marilyn Monroe

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That is a quote by Christina Ricci from a 1998 Rolling Stone interview.

Studies typically find that about 6-8 percent of adolescents and young adults report current, chronic self-injury. Most self-injure for emotional regulation.

Continued: » Mental Health Day: Self-Injury – The Creative Mind
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[From my post Gifted and talented but with insecurity and low self esteem, and a longer quote in the post The Self-Esteem Supercharger.]

In his article I work to build self-confidence in myself and others, entrepreneur Stephen Pierce points out that self-confidence is “extremely valuable. Because I believe in myself, I can show others how to have faith in what they can accomplish.

“I see my dreams realized because I have the self-confidence to pursue them without giving up.

“I avoid surrendering my dreams. Even if I feel sad or afraid, I know that those emotions are only temporary. I can do anything I put my mind to. Belief in myself helps me to move forward in life.”

He also notes that “By showing others that they can be self-assured and brave, I learn a great deal. When I help others, I help myself.

“My confidence grows when I see others succeed after I have helped them.”

Confidence exists on a continuum

In his post How to build confidence, Morty Lefkoe admits he knows very well this experience many of us (most of us?) have had:

“I had very little self-confidence for most of my life,” he writes – adding, “but now I consistently experience a high level of confidence.”

So how did he make that shift? He explains:

Confidence actually exists on a continuum, ranging from a very low to a very high belief in our own abilities, a sense we can handle whatever life throws at us.  Very few people are totally lacking in confidence and very few feel confident that they can handle almost anything.  So the issue for most people is where they currently are on the continuum and how they can improve their confidence.

This is a very helpful point – it is not a simple, binary matter of having confidence versus not having. There are levels and degrees – and changes from one situation to another, or even day to day. Lefkoe continues:

It is important to distinguish between confidence about being able to perform a specific task (such as fly a plane or speak a foreign language) and confidence in yourself. One might not be confident about being able to perform a specific task even though they have high level of self-confidence.  Such a person knows that her inability to perform a specific task means nothing about her as a person.

But that may not be so easy to realize or put to use, especially when you are in the middle of feelings of self-criticism and low confidence.

As a teen and college freshman (many decades ago), I had the ambition to “be a doctor” – but failed organic chemistry. Like many people with a certain level of intellectual ability, I had managed to get through high school with good grades, but without really trying hard.

Failing a class was devastating to my confidence. Of course, there have been other experiences in my life of confidence deflation.

Lefkoe suggests “the way to gain confidence about specific abilities is to learn those skills and practice a lot.”

The key is our beliefs:

The way to improve our internal level of confidence that we apply to life in general is to eliminate our limiting beliefs.  Every negative belief we have lowers our internal level of self-confidence – beliefs such as I’m not good enough, I’m inadequate, I’m powerless, I’m not capable, Nothing I do is good enough, and I’m not worthy.

Once you understand that a lot of negative self-esteem beliefs lowers your level of self-confidence and getting rid of them raises it, you will understand the myth that self-confidence comes from succeeding or failing at specific projects in life.

Another way limiting presumptions and beliefs can affect us is when we experience impostor or fraud feelings.

See the post Dealing with self sabotage: Getting beyond impostor feelings.

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More articles by Morty Lefkoe — author of the book Re-create Your Life: Transforming Yourself and Your World.

To experience The Lefkoe Method, go to ReCreate Your Life where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

Also see his Natural Confidence program.

dealing with self-criticism, building self confidence, self esteem confidence, building self esteem, impostor feelings

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Jonathan Safran Foer – about his novel Everything Is Illuminated, which made The New York Times best-seller list.

He also commented, “The writing itself is no big deal. The editing, and even more than that, the self-doubt, is excruciatingly impossible. Profound, bottomless self-doubt: it has no value, what’s the point? In a way, that takes up as much time as anything else.”

Do you relate to those ideas and feelings? Or these:

* Do you secretly worry that others will find out that you’re not as bright and capable as they think you are?

* Do you tend to chalk your accomplishments up to being a “fluke,” “no big deal” or the fact that people just “like” you?

* Do you hate making a mistake, being less than fully prepared or not doing things perfectly?

* Do you tend to feel crushed by even constructive criticism, seeing it as evidence of your “ineptness?”

From the longer Impostor Syndrome Quiz on the site for the Overcoming the Impostor Syndrome program.

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The Psychology Today article, Field Guide to The Self-Doubter: Extra Credit, by Susan Pinker, excerpted below, brings insight into the thoughts and feelings many people have about being incompetent or impostors:

Not giving herself credit

Rosalyn Lang has a Ph.D. in molecular biology, has just completed a postdoctoral fellowship at Duke University, and recently launched her own consulting firm. In other words, she’s a walking advertisement for what it takes to be successful in science: smarts, opportunity, and perseverance.

Yet when she looks back, she takes little credit for her successes. “I felt inadequate the entire time I was in graduate school. If I got a nice compliment, I just felt, ‘What? They’re trying to pull my leg! I can get kicked out at any minute.’”

Feeling like an impostor

Lang now realizes she wasn’t really an impostor. She just felt like one. Like many highly accomplished women, Lang suffered from “impostor syndrome.” On the outside, she was a star and a role model.

Secretly, though, she chalked up her successes to powers beyond her control, and meanwhile felt personally responsible for any failures—a feeling shared by 93 percent of African-American female college students, according to one study.

External success. Internal agony

According to recent studies of medical, dental, and nursing students with impostor feelings, the phenomenon is linked to perfectionism, burnout, and depression. This was true for Rosalyn Lang, whose impostor feelings drove her to work harder. “The work ethic was great. That’s the kind of focus you need to get everything done in graduate school,” she said. But “internal agony” was how she described her psychological state.

Read the full article.

Six steps for matching perceptions to reality.

• Separate your self-assessments from objective evaluations of your skills. Group-based evaluations, promotions, and letters of reference are less biased than the world seen through “impostor”-colored glasses.
• Give yourself opportunities to compete. Don’t let your self-judgment prevent you demonstrating what you know.
• Reduce your isolation. Talk about your feelings with trusted friends and colleagues. Seek out a mentor or advocate in your organization who believes in you.
• Enjoy your successes and acknowledge praise when it comes your way.
• Resist the impulse to deny and deflect compliments.
• Remember that those who project an air of confidence may not know more than you do. Research shows that most people overestimate their abilities.

See Overcoming the Impostor Syndrome for more.

Also see the Impostor syndrome page for more quotes, articles, books etc.
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imposter phenomenon, impostor phenomenon, dealing with self sabotage, impostor feelings, perfectionism, fraud feelings

eeing a TV bio of Taylor Swift a while ago, I was very struck by her self-assurance and belief in her abilities from an early age, and her assertiveness to realize her exceptional musical talents.

In her recent performance on the CMA Awards (the 44th annual Country Music Association Awards), she impressed me even more with her confident presence and grace – and talent.

In fourth grade, she won a national poetry contest with her poem “Monster In My Closet.” At eleven, she went to Nashville to try to get a record deal by distributing a demo tape of her singing to every label on Music Row..

She started writing songs and playing 12-string guitar at age twelve. At fifteen, she “rejected a development deal with RCA Records because the company refused to allow her to record her own songs.” [Info from Wikipedia.]

A profile in The Week magazine (March 20, 2009) notes, “Taylor Swift is determined to avoid the pitfalls that have tripped up other precocious stars, says Matt Allen in Q.

“The key, says the 19-year-old country music phenom, is to stay focused on her art and to always remember that the myriad distractions that attend fame and wealth are just that—distractions.

“Such determination has been apparent since she was a musical prodigy growing up in Hendersonville, Tenn. “When I was 13, I was told that country music didn’t appeal to anybody other than 35-year-old women. I decided to prove them wrong.’

“So Swift began grinding out songs, playing guitar so relentlessly that her fingers bled. She turned down invitations to dances and other typical teenage activities if it meant missing a gig.

Home schooled and avoiding destructive habits

“She graduated high school with a 4.0 grade-point average after finishing her junior and senior years in just 12 months of home-schooling. Swift still leaves nothing to chance, saying she neither drinks nor smokes—nor is she tempted to.”

A recent interview in The Independent [UK] adds more:

“I don’t drink because I don’t really feel like it. It’s not like I judge people who do [or that] I don’t hang out with people who drink. I just don’t really feel like it. Plus, it’s not [been] legal.”

Does she not like being out of control?

“I think that the reason I haven’t really experimented with drinking is because I don’t like to feel like I might say something that could hurt somebody’s feelings. Or I might come off in a way that I can’t control. Maybe I should just lighten up!” she says, smiling.

“But for me, I just kind of do what feels right.” She insists that, “I don’t live by all these rigid, weird rules that make me feel all fenced in. I just like the way that I feel like, and that makes me feel very free.”

Songwriting, she says, her eyes shining with bliss, is her other liberation. “I write songs to figure out how to feel about something. And then that helps me get past it. I’ve been writing songs since I was 12, and when I started I would write about how my days at school were really lonely. And I would get through those days by saying to myself, ‘It’s OK cos I can write a song about this later, and then I’ll feel better.’

“I’ve applied that saying and that phrase and that thought process to my entire life and every single intense shocking, nationally televised curveball that has happened.”

[From Taylor Swift: 'Maybe I should just lighten up' By Craig Mclean, The Independent, 24 October 2010]

here are other examples of highly talented young women with focus, drive and assurance.

Maybe you can think of examples.

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Related section: Teen / Young Adult Talent

Taylor Swift homeschooling, home-schooling products, homeschooling books

She says, “This college experience is really important to me, and I won’t give it up for anything.

“I’m not going to school just for the academics – I wanted to share ideas, to be around people who are passionate about learning.

“Being at Brown has totally taken me out of my comfort zone.”

Continued in The Inner Actor post: Emma Watson on how college is “empowering and liberating”

“I think being different, being against the grain of society, is the greatest thing in the world.”

That’s actor Elijah Wood (“Lord of the Rings”), quoted in my post Exceptional and out of bounds – eccentrics and society.

Being unusual and eccentric may be easier for some people. It may not be so easy for many of us who are different on account of being highly sensitive – but we can choose to embrace our exceptional qualities as valuable.

In her post Why it’s hard to be a highly sensitive (HSP) introvert, Susan Biali, M.D. writes about what many of us HSP people can relate to: “A handful of years ago I was so relieved to discover that there’s a name (Highly Sensitive Person, aka HSP) for what I thought were uniquely weird sensitivities.

“I also finally understand and now even celebrate the fact that I’m highly introverted. Thanks to these new insights into my personality, I’ve come to appreciate that the traits that make me seem ‘strange’ are also the reasons that I’m an effective personal coach and a successful writer and author.”

Being different is not a disorder

Dr. Biali adds, “For most of my life I felt that if people knew what I was really like, they’d write me off as strange or different. What a thrill to discover I’m not alone: 15-20% of the population are thought to be highly sensitive (according to HSP expert Dr. Elaine Aron), and around 20% of all people tend towards introversion. Of the 15-20% who are HSPs, 70% are introverts.”

As an HSP and introvert, I fit into that group – and have often felt “wrong” or “weird” during periods of my life, and at least uncomfortable, if not downright anxious on account of being so different than mainstream, extroverted society.

But it’s important to distinguish introversion from shyness, or its more extreme ‘cousin’ social anxiety – see my post Shyness, Introversion, Sensitivity – What’s the Difference?

Also see the article How about a new approach towards Social Anxiety?, By Rob Shapiro, AnxietySecrets.

Learning to celebrate being an HSP

Jenna Avery, CLC, MCP, MLA, is a Creative Vision & Life Purpose Breakthrough Coach, and Sensitive Living Expert, who counsels HSPs – highly sensitive people.

She describes her Self-Study Classes for Sensitive Souls as “the product of my many efforts to find ways to be a happy, healthy, highly sensitive soul.

“I have investigated everything I could get my hands on about energy skills, energetic boundary strengthening, interpersonal boundaries, flower essences for sensitive souls, empathy, intuitive development and more.

“I wanted to find out everything I could about how to feel happy about my life without feeling so assaulted by it — other people’s energy, emotions, and criticisms, and the life stresses and challenges that go along with day-to-day life.”

So, celebrate being one of the unusual people who have a highly sensitive nervous system, but take care of your emotional needs – such as relieving anxiety.

highly sensitive people, highly sensitive and stressed, sensitivity and stress, energy sensitivity, relieving sensitivity, protection for sensitivity

But there are also many strengths and values, both personally and socially.

Writer Rosalie Smith points out:

“We’re the thinkers, the cautious ones, the conservative people; the ones that say Hey, wait a minute. Let’s think this through before doing something rash.”

She adds, “Every society needs highly sensitive people, just as we need the warriors, the leaders who are ready to take the risks. However, we’re the ones that help to temper the not-so-sensitive types, the ones who can be bold, rash and impulsive and may have not thought things through to the consequences of their actions.”

From her article Highly Sensitive People – Traits and Characteristics.

Jewel – in her song “I’m Sensitive” – sings:

“Oh please be careful with me, I’m sensitive

And I’d like to stay that way…

I have this theory, that if we’re told we’re bad

Then that’s the only idea we’ll ever have…”

We are not bad if we are not the same as the majority, and it can really help to remember that.

high sensitivity personality, highly sensitive people, highly sensitive books, high sensitivity resources, highly sensitive people and creativity

Chris and Janet Attwood of The Passion Test point out “there are only three things that prevent anyone from living their passions: false beliefs, false concepts and false ideas.”

“In coaching thousands of people on The Passion Test, the one thing we can be sure we will find when someone is having a hard time believing they could fulfill their passions is a case of low self-esteem. This is nothing to be embarrassed about because it is common and it is manageable.

“What accompanies low self-esteem is the belief that I am not worthy and therefore I can’t possibly fulfill my dreams.”

Appreciate yourself

“Janet writes about this very topic in The Passion Test book when she describes how she overcame her addiction to low self esteem and in particular, her need to play the victim.

“It truly transformed the way she saw herself and it can work for you also. We call it the Appreciation Game and here is Janet’s explanation of how it works. And it does work!

“Every day I would review what I had done that day and somehow find something I appreciated about myself. It didn’t matter if it seemed like a small thing. The exercise was to find something I could appreciate about myself, no matter what.”

That may be a challenge for those of us who tend to be perfectionistic. Thankfully, I have friends and readers of my sites who regularly remind me of the value of my publishing all this content.

Take the free Passion Test.

This self-doubt can also show up as impostor feelings.

Read quotes by actors Gerard Butler and Tilda Swinton, author Jonathan Safran Foer and others about their experiences in my Psych Central post Feeling Like A Fraud.

Dr. Valerie Young, who has studied this for years, says that for impostors self-doubt is chronic, but can be changed.

She refers to the book by Carol Dweck, Mindset, and says, “Our perceptions of what it takes to be competent, has a powerful impact on how you measure yourself and therefore how you approach achievement itself.”

Young has developed a program: Overcoming the Impostor Syndrome.

recognizing self-limiting beliefs, beliefs and self-deception, dealing with self-limiting beliefs, overcoming self-deception

Nevertheless, they were raised to believe, for instance, that babies shouldn’t be picked up when they cried because comforting them would ‘spoil’ them.

They were very sparing in their compliments, fearing we’d get swelled heads.

We kids survived, but thriving has been a challenge for me, given the sense I had that I was simply not up to snuff.

Morty Lefkoe describes how we can develop this self-limiting belief in his article Is The Lefkoe Belief Process a Fraud?

To get a sense of how the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) works, please try the following mental exercise:

Assume you are a very young child with parents who are very critical of you most of the time and who rarely acknowledge you for your achievements. No matter what you do, they focus on what you didn’t do and how you should have done better. …

Really take a moment and imagine this. …If this is the pattern of their interactions with you, there literally would be thousands of instances by the time you are six or seven years old. What would you have concluded about yourself by this time?

If you are typical of most children, you would have concluded that There’s something wrong with me, or I’m not good enough.

You would have experienced these beliefs as “the truth” about you as a child. Today, as an adult, even though you might consciously realize the beliefs were silly and illogical, on some deep level you still would experience them as the truth about you.

If you looked carefully at the events that led to the belief, namely, your parents’ behavior, you would realize that their behavior could have a number of different meanings, each one as valid as the one you chose, I’m not good enough.

For example: My parents thought that being critical would motivate me to excel.

Lefkoe goes on to describe more details about this process, and how to change these kinds of beliefs.

In his post Getting Rid of Limiting Beliefs in 30 Minutes, Steven Aitchison, author of the excellent site Change Your Thoughts, recounts a phone consultation he had with Lefkoe:

Morty asked me to say ‘I am not good enough,’ out loud, which I did and felt very strange about saying it. It felt as if it was the truth, somewhere inside of me.

After going through an easy cognitive journey through my past, I was able to mentally rid myself of the limiting belief that ‘I am not good enough.’

See more articles by Morty Lefkoe.

Try the Lefkoe Belief Process at ReCreate Your Life.

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Morty Lefkoe, critical inner voice, limiting beliefs, positive psychology program